Britney Spears coming to her senses

May 15th, 2006 // 78 Comments
bspears-no-kabbalah.jpg

Britney Spears says she’s given up Kabbalah and replaced it with her son. Last Friday she made a posting on her official site saying: “I no longer study Kaballah [sic], my baby is my religion.”

She probably wasn’t too into it in the first place considering she can’t even spell it right. Plus after seeing the way her life is turning out what else is she supposed to assume except that Kabbalah has failed her.

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Comments (78)

  1. Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 15, 2006 at 5:52 pm

    “I religiously ignore him and give the job of raising him and caring for him over to a stranger, so that he can he dropped on his head.”

    Reply
  2. karatekachick | May 15, 2006 at 5:52 pm

    CRAZY WOMAN!

    Reply
  3. Ringo5150 | May 15, 2006 at 5:54 pm

    Hey hey….third

    Reply
  4. Ringo5150 | May 15, 2006 at 5:55 pm

    Kids cute….even if he has got a dented head

    Reply
  5. bigfatmomma | May 15, 2006 at 5:55 pm

    funny, i thought kabbalah was some kind of religious diet. she replaced it with her son… the way she looks, i wouldn’t put it past her to eat her child right now

    Reply
  6. Jacq | May 15, 2006 at 6:00 pm

    Fuck the bracelet! She ought to tie a little red string on her finger to remember to feed, bathe and change him. My baby is my religion?! She’s goin’ to hell at this rate. I’m more into cock worship, like Tom.
    Geez, at least idolize a good lookin’ youngn’. Boy, will that second kid ever feel left out. “You ain’t mine! Youz yo’ daddy’s baby! Ain’t my fault he don’t worship you!”

    Reply
  7. Charlaurz McHall | May 15, 2006 at 6:04 pm

    check this out:
    http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com/celebrity_religion/2006/05/britney_drops_k.html

    Reply
  8. missscoobie | May 15, 2006 at 6:05 pm

    Kabbalah said, “Don’t let the door hit your big ass on the way out.”

    Reply
  9. machsnell | May 15, 2006 at 6:07 pm

    Have you seen this? I thought it was pretty funny. K-fed’s new song. lol.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGTl6tgVEFw

    Reply
  10. illkarate | May 15, 2006 at 6:10 pm

    Brittnie iz smarrt

    Reply
  11. Haroof | May 15, 2006 at 6:16 pm

    Call me crazy but I’d still bang her.

    The huge cans, the face still looks cute, the overly blonde hair…you know she’s probably a demented hillbilly in bed too.

    Reply
  12. algibson | May 15, 2006 at 6:20 pm

    She looks like Courtney Love in that photo. Minus the heroin.

    Reply
  13. gammanormids | May 15, 2006 at 6:20 pm

    what an idiot!!! You know, Brit, there are mothers who go Church every Sunday, work, and even have a social life and their children have not been dropped on their heads. I can’t understand a mother who choose kids over work and friends, but not over an activity that asks no much of activity at all… So, no more Kabalah, then? Where you been studing while your baby was been watched by an stranger so why is that he had his accident? or were you eating your freaking cheetos? It looks like you choose to leave your pseudo religion rather than left your cheetos.
    Stupid celebrities… No wait… Stupid Britney!

    Reply
  14. Clisted | May 15, 2006 at 6:21 pm

    Damn pop stars…at least Britney is coming to her senses, It looks like Christina A. is losing hers, now she is Marilyn Monroe here.
    http://starked.com/archives/she-really-isdirrrty/

    Reply
  15. Zed | May 15, 2006 at 6:23 pm

    For a second there, with Brit looking sort of good and SP ALMOST smiling, I felt a sense of hope for her. I thought “She can make a comeback!” and that SP might turn out to be a normal child and not suffer any real consequences of living with Brit and Kev.

    Oh, sure, it was just a fleeting sense of hope. And it lasted but a moment … but then I woke up and realized once again that she’s Brit Brit, with Bit Bit and Bit Bit 2 on the way, unable to think, unable to reason, unable to see beyond some strong sexual desire for K-Fed, Cheetos, and Newports, and then there’s K-Fed, wearing soiled wifebeaters with his underwear hanging out and his loser Playing with Fire! album on the way and him sticking out his tongue most of the time so we’ll think he’s sexy and cool. We don’t.

    What could I have been thinking? Brit … SP … hope … no way. No possible way.

    Reply
  16. waterranger | May 15, 2006 at 6:26 pm

    Poor Britney! She has gone completely crazy, can’t even dress herself, feed herself, or bathe herself, much less look after her 2 children and loser husband, and now Madonna probably wont be her friend any more.

    Reply
  17. Jimmyz | May 15, 2006 at 6:28 pm

    Alright, everything is falling into place…

    Sign #1: A song with the words “Hit Me Baby One More Time” becomes a hit among America and launches Britney Spears’ career.

    Sign #2: Oops she did it again… came out with another talentless single that, somehow, hit it big… somehow, again.

    Sign #4: Me Against the Music. Music is something so universal and known all over the world. Therefore, translates into “Me Against the World.” I think I’m onto something…

    Sign #5: Britney becomes a mother. How could anyone let her get away with such a thing?

    Sign #6: Oops she did it again… Britney is pregnant once again.

    Sign #7: Britney Spears announces that her baby is her religion.

    Britney is a Slave 4 Sean Preston and Sean Preston is Toxic and will soon be found to be the anti-christ, and, along with his mother, “not that innocent.” All their fans will be followers. No word on whether or not Madonna will be involved, but for now she’s got her bracelet on… Kaballah is looking pretty good right about now.

    So now it’s “Us Against the Feds”… which I’m not sure if that means the FBI is going to be on their side, or that I’m really bored.

    In either case, beware 2035 for his day may be coming!

    Reply
  18. UNWASHEDMASSES | May 15, 2006 at 6:29 pm

    Her baby is her religion? What does she do, worship at the altar of dirty diapers? Does she wear a gold-plated pacifier around her neck? Does she bask in the glory of every burp, hiccup or fart that weasles its way out of her ever-unsmiling tot? Maybe that’s why she let the kid drive, I mean if the kid is her god he can handle an automatic transmission, right?

    Reply
  19. Italian Stallion | May 15, 2006 at 6:32 pm

    That baby is gonna be as gay as his father, the way he’s looking at the end of that umbrella might be the first sign to getting some Johnny Cakes and then wrecking your car…….

    Reply
  20. MeganHarris | May 15, 2006 at 6:32 pm

    Hey guys. Miss me?

    Reply
  21. Clisted | May 15, 2006 at 6:32 pm

    Is that baby albino?

    Reply
  22. Jimmyz | May 15, 2006 at 6:33 pm

    If it is of any importance, my post randomly landed on my favorite number (there were 9 posts before mine was submitted) Could it once again be a sign? Or am I bored? I don’t know. And also, as #15 mentioned, Sean Preston never smiles. DEMON CHILD!

    Reply
  23. Binky | May 15, 2006 at 6:37 pm

    #17 – I was missing # 3. I think someone put White-Out on my monitor.

    Reply
  24. krisdylee | May 15, 2006 at 6:37 pm

    Nope, MeganHarris, no one even knew you were gone. Do you feel the love now???

    Reply
  25. Binky | May 15, 2006 at 6:38 pm

    Or it’s the sign of the Apocalypse

    Reply
  26. ILovePapaSmurf | May 15, 2006 at 6:40 pm

    If a religion celebrating an ugly baby is the next Hollywood trend… count me out!

    Reply
  27. Binky | May 15, 2006 at 6:41 pm

    Either Or

    Reply
  28. Jimmyz | May 15, 2006 at 6:44 pm

    Oh, you’re right #3 isn’t there. Well move #4-#7 up… and the new #7 is: LOOK AT HIS F@*&ING FACE!

    Reply
  29. Binky | May 15, 2006 at 6:45 pm

    k. I’ll sleep a lil better now

    Reply
  30. MaryBackstayge | May 15, 2006 at 6:46 pm

    I never….EVER thought I would say this, but…..I think Brit looks cute, and her baby’s cute, too.

    [*drops dead*]

    Reply
  31. Star Maker Machinery | May 15, 2006 at 6:49 pm

    What the fuck is wrong with that baby? He looks completely zonked in every single pic. Are the doctors sure there was no brain damage, or is this genetics at work?

    Reply
  32. BigJim | May 15, 2006 at 6:49 pm

    #20:

    No.

    Reply
  33. BigJim | May 15, 2006 at 7:00 pm

    Hmmm… Let me see if I have this straight. Britney is giving up on a “religion” that is almost as fucked up as scientology (don’t believe me? Spend some time at http://www.kabbalah.com. It’s as fruity as scientology, but less menacing.), so she can worship at the alter of K-Fed’s genetic material.

    Now I’m not saying that poor little whatever the fuck the kid’s name is is retarded. Maybe he’s “speshul” and maybe he ain’t, but what can’t be overlooked is that with these two as his parents, there has definitely been a lot of peeing in the gene pool.

    The little brat is for sure going to be taking the remedial reading classes in school, and probably have to wear strings on his mittens well into the eighth grade so he doesn’t lose them. Is this something worthy of worship?

    Well, I guess it still beats ka-blah-blah.

    Now I’ve done it. We’re gonna get a sherry-cunt clone on this site extolling the virtues of yet another fucked up cult because I pointed out how lame it is.

    In conclusion, TCLT<=====3

    Reply
  34. cayana | May 15, 2006 at 7:20 pm

    When I first glanced at that picture, before I read the title, I thought that was Pamela Anderson. Brit-brit needs to lay off the tanning beds.

    Reply
  35. Shelley Bonnechance | May 15, 2006 at 7:22 pm

    Brit, we’re all going to remember you said this when the “baby” is 16 and acting like Bree’s son Andrew on ‘Desparate Housewives.’ Wheee!

    Reply
  36. tsarinaamanda | May 15, 2006 at 7:46 pm

    I actually went to her website, and that isn’t on there anymore. But there IS an interesting little letter from her called “False Tabloids” where she bitches about Star, In Touch, and some other tabloids and how their reporters need to face their own problems in their lives, such as being 50lbs overweight, and having cheating husbands/boyfriends. Yeah bitch, why don’t you look at your own life before you try to pass judgement on others. It was almost prophetic, and pretty damn funny. She’s a fucking has-been with no talent. The only thing she had was her body, and now that’s shot all to hell. She really fucked herself over, the dumb cunt. I can’t think of a more deserving bitch. Except Paris Hilton, of course.

    Reply
  37. MeganHarris | May 15, 2006 at 8:00 pm

    The baby is soooo cute! too bad his dad is a total loser.

    Reply
  38. Lynette Carrington | May 15, 2006 at 8:04 pm

    One of the most adorable little tots on the planet and all I can feel for him is sorry, sorry, sorry. Crawl away as fast as your chubby little marshmallow legs will take you, Sean!!

    Reply
  39. Italian Stallion | May 15, 2006 at 8:06 pm

    MeganHarris’ face is soooo nasty! too bad she can’t get a new one.

    Reply
  40. curlyq | May 15, 2006 at 8:20 pm

    #36: the post is still there. And to correct thesuperficial, she did spell Kabbalah right. Doesn’t change the fact that its one really messed up religion…

    Reply
  41. eden | May 15, 2006 at 8:25 pm

    yea its better than being jewish though. no one like jewish people. but everyone hates jewish people with huge snouts- which is like all of them

    Reply
  42. MeganHarris | May 15, 2006 at 8:28 pm

    Ha. ha. Stallion, your jokes are lame-o.

    Reply
  43. BigJim | May 15, 2006 at 8:39 pm

    eden, not you again, you nazi-lovin’ fuckwad.

    Go stick your head in a microwave oven. Here is the trick: you have to jam something like a fork in the hole where the “door closed” sensor is in order for it to turn on. With that accomplished, make sure you set it on high power for at least ten minutes. We’d all hate it if all you did was cook your already damaged brain bad enough to be a drain on the healthcare system but didn’t actually die.

    Once the nuker is successfully running with the door open, shove your head in. Just so you know, it’s gonna smart a little, but you can take it. Don’t be a wimp, keep your head in there for the full ten minutes, or eternity, whichever comes last.

    Reply
  44. colormeskanky | May 15, 2006 at 8:42 pm

    Wow, guys, it’s so exciting when celebrities change their minds!

    Britney is also expected to release a statement denouncing her belief in Santa Clause.

    And in related “news”, Tom Cruise is questioning his faith in the cock. Yup, you heard it here first.

    Wait…I’m just getting word…sources say he took one look at Katie naked and has tearfully reaffirmed his LFTC.

    All is well in Hollywood.

    Reply
  45. Laffinmybuttoff | May 15, 2006 at 8:48 pm

    this is how she treats her religion if the pics are to be believed
    http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/index.html

    Reply
  46. Italian Stallion | May 15, 2006 at 8:49 pm

    @42 I wasn’t kidding, we did see your picture, remember? I try my best not to, it makes me want to catch a ride with one of those suicide bombers…………

    Reply
  47. iambananas | May 15, 2006 at 8:50 pm

    I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS… A BANY ISN’T A RELIGION! Does this mean she dosen’t believe in God anymore? That is not good!

    Reply
  48. sharkbite | May 15, 2006 at 9:02 pm

    Now, she just needs to ditch the trailer trash baggage, and she’ll be onto a real start!

    http://www.wehateeverybody.com

    Reply
  49. Wild Rose | May 15, 2006 at 9:03 pm

    Wow, her fans probably check out her web-site religiously, and the best she can do for them is a one-sentence denouncement of Kabbalah? Hmmm…wonder if the folks at Kabbalah headquarters are giving eachother high-fives? “Good riddance, LOOOOSSSERRRR!!!!”

    Reply
  50. Charlaurz McHall | May 15, 2006 at 9:37 pm

    her baby is her religion, wtf??
    http://celebreligion.com

    Reply
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