Britney Spears’ breasts in a bikini aren’t making me cry. What the…

Dear Britney,

Did you notice today how people stared at your chest and went “Hey, those are kind of awesome” instead of asking whether you’re pointing at them or that guy over there? No, way over there.

That’s what happens when you support those things. No foolin’. On that note, I’d tell you to write all this down but I don’t want your kids seeing you choke on a pen cap after a full day of staring directly into your ass and realizing they’ll never be innocent again.

Here to help,

The Superficial Writer