Britney Spears brand furniture: Coming Soon!

April 8th, 2008 // 62 Comments

Britney Spears’ father Jamie is trying to stop the cash hemorrhaging from his daughter’s estate. He’s reportedly trying to land her a full-time sitcom gig and is brokering a deal for Britney to start her own line of furniture, according to Page Six:

Spies say Spears pere is in talks with Danish celebrity broker Claus Hjelmbak to “bring Danish accent pieces to the United States . . . Britney will be the face of the brand.” The insider tells us that Hjelmbak and Jamie Spears have been working out the deal for more than two months. Hjelmbak and Britney met at the Scandinavian Style Mansion back in December 2007, when Britney was reportedly paid $1 million to celebrate her birthday at the event, hosted by Sharon Stone.

Could you imagine walking into someone’s house and having them ask “Do you like my couch? It’s an original Britney Spears.” I’m almost positive you’d have legal grounds to hit that person over the head with a vase and steal their wallet. They don’t deserve their money no matter how comfy a sofa made of chicken wings ends up being. Although some blue cheese pillows would pull the room together…

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. mikeww

    yay

  2. Yo Momma

    First! Someone off this dumb bitch!

  3. Yo Momma

    Stupid dumb bitch!

  4. BunnyButt

    I don’t know. Milk and fruit crates just don’t do it for me, even if they are “designer”.

  5. nipolian

    A Britney couch?
    Do the vag and shit stains come with the purchase price or do they cost extra?

  6. tight lipped smiler

    The fabric selections include Bit-Bit Shedding texture with Marlboro Burn pattern in Cheetoh Crumb orange.

  7. Auntie Kryst

    Every trailer needs a Britney couch out in front, especially if it’s paired with a nice milk carton accent table.

  8. Binky

    I guess there won’t be a crib in the collection.
    Maybe K-Fed could bring out a crib though.

  9. Ricard

    THOSE FUCKING BOOTS! CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SMELL?

  10. Binky

    That last ‘ Binky’ comment was a bit mean. Sorry about that.
    (Thank God no one reads the comments on this site)
    (…She did go out partying a lot etc)

  11. monkeyfightclub

    I heard she personally stains each piece of furniture with your choice of urine, feces, menstrual blood, barbeque sauce, or grape soda.

  12. lynnne

    her forehead is huge

  13. retards

    A couch isn’t an accent piece.

    Maybe the commenters live in trailers?

  14. Bmurphy72

    If the furniture holds up under a good Britney/man of the hour style fucking they should be able to put rooms 2 go out of biz……

  15. Ruby

    The only thing I have to say is: hoorray for Britney for finally putting on some decent clothes! She does look like a librarian, but for her that is a huge step forward from wearing short-shorts and ripped stockings.

  16. Moody

    I wonder if the wrist restraints will be standard or optional with the arm chairs?

  17. @13 Hey Sofa King, I said the table was the accent piece not the couch. I did mistype though, I meant to say milk crate not carton. For the record my trailer is a doublewide. Crack open another Natty Light my friend..

  18. Vince Lombardi

    She looks medicated.

  19. BunnyButt

    “She does look like a librarian”

    Except for the fact that all of the librarians I know bathe…

  20. retards

    “Every trailer needs a Britney couch out in front”

    So her name goes on the stuff she doesn’t sell? Sorry, my mistake. But I was talking about the writer, anyway. I was surprised that a gay guy would get this wrong.

  21. Joe C

    Does that mean that the stuffing in the couches and chairs will increase over time like their namesake? Sounds interesting.

  22. jrz

    Y’all lak mah reclan-er? It’s from my Early Americun Hillbilly Colleckshun

  23. Grunion

    I told you the Danish were fucked. Why not just use a discarded condom as your spokesperson, same result.

  24. jrz

    ‘N this here piece *points to a metal frame crib* is called the Babysitter.

  25. yomomma

    the only problem with the furniture is that if you drop a couple of pills between the cushions, it falls apart! ba-da-boom.

  26. janex

    @19 ………… and can read…….

  27. Clem

    Yes, this will definitely stop the cash hemorrhaging because everyone needs an inflatable chair in their home.
    I can’t even fathom how many toads they must have licked to come up with this idea.

  28. missywissy

    The girl is always messing with her hair. Leave it alone!! She does look like she cared about what she wore, that’s a highlight. But really, all that coochie flashing, child abusing, mental meltdowns, drug abusing, crappy performing… Who is going to think she’s like a totally different person if she lands a sitcom and designs accent pieces? Oh yeah, my bad, this is america. We don’t hold people accountable for their actions. You go Brit! For the love of God, get your shit together for your sons, if not for yourself.

  29. SLASH

    Hahahaha!!!! Natty Light!!! AK, you slay me..

  30. emily

    Say what you want about Britney, but the Danish make some damn fine furniture. And pastries!

  31. Freebie

    She’s sooo old news. Let’s start tearing down Miley – we need new blood.

  32. total_pimp

    goddamit if the fukin furnitur looks anything like her stlye u would have to fuking pay me to put it in meh house

  33. cavy

    She looks really good here – hopefully it means she’s getting healthier and taking care of her self (mentally and physically).

  34. FCS

    Featuring a space age material that repels Cheeto dust.

    they forgot that part

  35. BaldySpears

    I love her new Daniel Day Lewis in Last of the Mohicans look. tres chic.

  36. I think britney would be a fantastic actress. I wish her luck!
    And if her furniture was cheap enough I would definitely buy a couch from her collection.
    go britney!

  37. gigi

    I bet the poor housekeeper keeps trying to throw those frigging boots out and Britney [much like George Costanza w/ the eclair] keeps fishing them out! OMG those boots!!! It has to be a play on our psyche that she keeps wanting us to see her in them… a sense of continuity maybe? can you imagine the bacteria running amuck in those things?!

  38. FolicalyChallenged

    Soon she will be bald and all will be revelaed…

  39. FolicalyChallenged

    Soon she will be bald and all will be revelaed…

  40. FolicalyChallenged

    Soon she will be bald and all will be revelaed…

  41. outofdoors

    An this un’ here iz frum my curbside kollection. Isint it a beaut? It kan go frum the spittin parlor to the frunt seet if yer pick em up truk if you needin one! It kums in shit trailer park plaid, ezy kleen duck tape vinyl orr puppy pee stain yeller!IM also havin steerin wheel tables an electrickal spoos to mix an match! Enjoy yall!

  42. Randal

    Britney is a marketing Queen and certainly knows how to play the ball when it’s in her court. The announcement to start her own childrens clothing line to compete against such a power house as Smooch (Kim’s brand), was a great leap into the industry.

    Now she’s starting a furniture line too? Her unique style will hopefully bring a new freshness to the home where one can sit and relax while listening to her latest CD.

    Great work Brit! Lovin’ every minute of it. xoxo

    Randal

  43. claire

    why does her hair always look manky? has she heard of showering?

  44. carni7@

    I thought her father was different but lately he is pimping her name out just like her mother did all these years.

    a furniture brand, her own sitcom, talks of a new album and world tour… WTF? the woman is bipolar and an unfit mother that lost custody of her kids… she needs to focus on getting better so she can take care of her boys and herself . as of now she can’t even be responsible for herself FFS!

    her professional status is the last thing she needs to worry about right now. ugh, I guess her dad is being offered all these deals and money he is finding it hard to refuse? well thats just sad, no wonder she ended up where she is with both parents selling her to the highest bidder .
    she looks like she’s doing better and it’s obviously because he’s been taking care of her, but if he keeps pushing her she’ll snap. he needs to stop treating her like the family’s cash cow for once. I bet he’s excusing his actions and thinking to himself – oh, she needs to be creative, she should keep busy… like she can’t be creative and busy with things that won’t put her in the spotlight, advance her brand name and make the spears family thousands of dollars? sad.

  45. Jrz

    Jesus Christ #32…..

  46. carni7@

    @ 42

    she’s being chaperoned 24/7 like she’s a 7 year old.. so it is a bit ridicules that you think she is some sort of marketing genius.
    I’m sure she comes up with fun ideas but, she is ill and incompetent right now , any business transaction is made by her father and other handlers, not her. she is a brand name so anything associated with her has marketing value, and sadly it seems her father is using that fact to make more money when he should be protecting his daughter from the stress of the life light, and consecrating on her mental health

  47. missydo

    Does this chick have another pair of shoes???

  48. total_pimp

    @45

    im frikin serious

    she just keeps gettin uglier

    at least she aint still wearing them rippe fishnets
    LMAO

  49. britney’s wiv is out of control. So watch out bitches.

    She looks so much better though. BUT THE BOOTS! oh the boots! brit please take them off!

  50. Lal

    Yet another reason to be embarrassed by Denmark.

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