Britney Spears’ bodyguard gets served

August 14th, 2007 // 53 Comments

Britney Spears’ former bodyguard/manny Daimon Shippen was served two subpoenas by Kevin Federline’s lawyer last night to testify in their ongoing custody case. If you don’t remember, Daimon is the guy who caught Sean Preston when Britney Spears tripped and almost dropped him. So yeah, I doubt he’ll have anything good to say about Britney’s parenting skills. He’ll take the stand and try to make Britney look good, but that’s impossible so he’ll just start babbling randomly instead. “She, uh, she never stabbed her kids. Definitely never stabbed them. And, uh, she never — no wait, she did that one. She, uh, she used one as a soccer ball once. Shit! No, wait. Can I start over?”


  1. Where’d everbody go???

  2. alishia


  3. alishia

    not so first* lol

  4. The commentary on this post is actually kind of funny. For a change.

  5. That’s ok, I’ll let you be first next time

  6. carey

    man, that stupid film has ruined reporting.

    Now all I hear is YOU GOT SEEEERVED YOU GOT SERVEEEEED!!! biatch!!! and some random hip hop music in my head whenever I see these stories about court papers…

  7. Gregrie

    Alright, four of you idiots can’t be first, and who gives a shit anyway!!

  8. the bor

    This is going to get really really good.

  9. Crap Tonight

    But what if losing custody of her children makes her go all unhinged and she shaves her head and attacks cars with umbrellas and runs around in ill-fitting underwear whilst touching herself inappropriately and yelling Brainiac….
    oh hang on…..

  10. fopdijg


  11. lola

    lol @ soccer ball
    finally a commentary that is funny

  12. 8, what the hell you talking about? Who the hell cares about being first?
    I’m FRIST!!!

  13. Crap Tonight

    I’m also thinking about serving papers on her myself for
    1 – her crimes against fashion
    2 – her crimes against humanity
    3 – giving insanity a bad name

  14. Paris looks horrible in that picture!!!

  15. veggi

    In her life, it seems she tries to make sensible decisions, but then covers them with cheese.

  16. Annie Rexia

    Christ that kid is ugly! It looks like one of those nineteen thirties type cupie dolls you win at the fair, even though you really don’t want it and it just ends up in the trash can at the exit gate.

  17. danny

    She’s fat. The kid’s fat. He needs some serious spa time. or maybe rehab?

  18. Jumondo

    Seriously can we just all focus on the fact that we should all get down on our knees and thank whatever God we believe in and hope that Britney comes out of this on top. She is so awesome. Whatever would we do without her?

    Sorry I was paid to say that because I tapped her last night. Forgive me.

  19. TS

    SOOOOO f-ing funny when someone is un-original enough to chime in with “FIRST” and then actually end up being 3rd. What a DORK. Serves you right. Be more like FRIST. Act like you’ve been there before.

    It would be less embarrasing if you wrote in DORK instead of FIRST.

  20. Why people are suddenly on Kevin’s side is beyond me.

    Look back to before the umbrella incident and there’s no way in hell people wanted him to get the kids.

    Maybe people should keep in mind it’s actually him who used her and fucked her up emotionally in the first place.
    Clearly they are both as bad as each other.

    You just know that if Kevin gets the kids he will constantly be in the magazines. They are turning around and calling Kevin some sort of angel, acting like he is some sort of concerned father when a few months ago everyone hated his guts. He is playing you all like a fiddle.

    He IS going to get the fame (and money) he has been craving. It’s just sad to see people using their kids that way and someone’s life got ruined (britney) for Kevin to get money and be talked about in magazines.
    Why is he is seen as the good guy? Like I said they are as bad as each other.

    Fucking hell I am expecting hell to freeze over any minute

  21. 20and21 are idiots

    see above.

  22. ts

    You know when you’re watching TV and you get embarrased for the person on the screen and you actually feel like changing the channel?

    That’s how I get when I see someone chime in with “FIRST.”

    And @21, if you had to choose right now, who is the more stable and better overall parent of those kids, who would you choose? If you say Britney, Tommy will come by and hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you are an IDIOT.

  23. chimpy

    Diss’s hillbillyz singin career is long over LMAO the redneck didn’t “age” well LOL

  24. justsomebastard

    Britney’s kids would be better off as feral children, compared to living with either parent.

  25. 21

    Well I don’t know any of them and neither do you. So what does it matter who we choose?

    The fact is everything we hear is GOSSIP.
    Someone shaving their head or making mistakes has fuck all to do with their ability to be a parent. You are shocked that a GIRL shaved her head?
    Yeah, that does sound crazy, if you’re lame and don’t know many people.
    And we only know stuff like that because of the paps anway.

    What I was saying is that a few months ago everyone said Kevin shouldn’t get the kids for some reason and now they are saying Britney shouldn’t. Who the fuck is going around documenting what he does? NOT MANY (yet)
    People seem to forget things easily and like to get involved with drama. What sad lives you people must have if you feel the need to come on and chant that someone should have their kids taken off them when you know little about them.
    Fact- there is outright child abuse, beatings, going on every night by alcoholic parents in some households and people think Britney (or Kevin) are the world’s worst parents..

    I’m just saying that I personally wasn’t manipulated. They were constantly reporting that Kevin was wild and partying, and everyone hated his guy’s guts.
    Then, they reported that he would start dressing and acting better to make a good impression for the courts (meanwhile britney was going a bit “crazy”) and even though you were told what was going to happen you still all fell for it.

    Turned out a lot better than Paris and her Bible carrying move though.. well done to him.

  26. does this look infected?

    The baby-saving ’70s porn-dude manny is the only cool person in all of this. I hope the judge is a woman, and she asks him in the middle of testimony to “show the court what Britney made you do when the babies were asleep” and then slides her robe off to reveal that she’s naked underneath…the cheesy music rises…boom-chica boom-chica boom-chica…PornDude Manny says “let’s proceed directly to Exhibit Number 69″ …boom-chica…boom-chica….

  27. TS

    Hey 21,
    yeah, you have a lot of good points, and I don’t think you’re an idiot, I was just quoting Tommy Boy. Yeah, it sucks that the best option for those kids happens to be the lesser of two evils. But I really think that K-Fed happens to be by far the more mentally stable of the two. So he smokes some chronic. At least he isn’t dragging those kids around at all hours of the night and feeding them Doritos and coca cola. The parallels between her and Anna Nicole are just sad. (I read In Touch).

  28. woodhorse

    Agree with #28. Don’t smoke the weed myself but know people who do and they aren’t bad parents. Kids can survive alot as long as the parent loves them and is bonded with them. KFed seems to naturally want to invest time and attention in his children (per photos) whereas Britney treats them like a purse that matches some of her outfits.

  29. wedgeone

    Agreed. Weed doesn’t make you a bad parent. But it doesn’t make you a good parent either.

    Shaving all hair on your body off in order to avoid a drug test, attacking cars with umbrellas, running around in ill-fitting underwear, touching /exposing yourself inappropriately in public, yelling “brainiac” at yourself after hitting a parked car with your car and then driving off, hanging around in a pool/hottub naked with dancers from a music video, letting your dog crap on designer clothes that aren’t yours, wearing a completely nappy wig with clothes that don’t coordinate for days on end, wanting to have a dentist bleach your two-year-old’s teeth, … THAT is what makes you unsuitable to be a parent.

    If both Brit and K-Earl are unsuitable, then who should have them? The government? No – the government is less suitable than either of these two. Brit’s crazy mother in Louisiana? No. Gorillas at the zoo? Maybe.
    I guess that #25 has found the only logical choice left.

  30. This reminds me…at the supermarket this past weekend, these two women behind me had me in stitches discussing Britney Spears while browsing through tabloids. The following is a phonetic transcription of their conversation:

    African-American girl #1: “I wish they jus leed dat po guuurl alone fo real!”

    African-American girl # 2: “Who dat? Beri-uh-ney Spear? Dat guuurl is fuuuucked up fo real!”

    African-American girl # 1: “Sheeeet! Her baby daddy duh one dat done did dat! She be selling ablums if he done nevva did her wrong!”

    African-American girl # 2: “Nah, she played out! She need to get a brotha ta get up all in dat, guuurl…(*laughing)…nah, guuurl, I’m being silly doh!”

    At that point, I had to laugh out loud and ruin it.

  31. woodhorse

    No #30 – Charles Manson was a feral child.

  32. Nomi

    I think people need to remember that she is a 25 year old woman. She thought she found the right man for her, despite all of the criticism from her friends and family, but she nevertheless tried with K-fed. Have any of you ever been divorced? If you have do you remember what it felt like? So the girl wants to get out and do something to take her away from the bitterness and anger of her divorce. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t get to deal with her divorce in private. No, it has to be televised and photographed.
    I really feel sorry for the girl. I know she has all of the money she could ever need, fame, opportunity, etc., but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t fall off track like the rest of us.
    Excuse her for being human.

  33. HeliumHead

    I agree with #33/Nomi. I think we should all withhold judgment until one of her kids dies in a neglect-related way while Britney’s out partying until 6am. At that point, we can start holding her to adult expectations. But only from that point onward – the first dead baby is free. Everybody knows that.

  34. Annie Rexia

    No number 33. I have no intention of forgiving that self absorbed little attention whore. Falling off track? Shaving your head bald, throwing yourself at anything that moves, and developing an aversion to panties? Who in the hell hasn’t that spunk guzzler flashed her nasty, saggy gash to? That is not the way people who are getting divorced act.

    Hey, since you know Brit so well, why don’t you do us a favor. Tell that used up semen sponge to drop dead!

  35. molly

    “I think people need to remember that she is a 25 year old woman.”

    Yessss, Nomi, a 25 year old WOMAN who CHOSE to have not one, but TWO children. Isn’t there some responsibility that goes with that?
    This bitch has been famous for many years, too, so it’s not like she is a paparazzi virgin. She calls the press every time she lets one of her kids drive her to Starbucks, so fuck the feeling sorry for her.
    There are many celebrities who manage to maintain a private life, and who don’t run around parading their kids out in public. Fuck her.

  36. Blow Me Hard Bitch

    That kid has a look on his face that says “Please, help me before this bitch eats me!!!”

  37. KT

    Used up semen sponge! :) That’s great. But really is K-fed that good of a dad? Have we really heard anything bed about him? No because he’s not famous and doesn’t have the camera around 24-7. I’m not saying she’s a great mom, but he really isn’t a great dad. He does have 2 other kids with another chick. Not all people are great parents (unless you live in a box) I think a lot of things that she is judged on is a little over dramatic. Her almost dropping her son….Could happen to anyone of us. Kids squirm. Pop in bottles? Has anyone tasted it to make sure it was pop? I’m mean we all read fabricated magazines and websites. You don’t know for sure if half of this crap is true unless you know her. I’m so not sticking up for her cause what the magazines tell about her is that she’s pretty much a piece of crap but who know’s she could be the best mom out there :) hahahaha!!! And if she didn’t want to have her life judged or televised or photographed then maybe she shouldn’t have gotten into this business.

  38. nightshirt

    those kids always look so sad. it breaks my heart.

  39. wedgeone

    #32 – you got a better idea, woody!??

  40. 41

    God, that kid has the inbred white trash look. Bleck.

  41. mel

    i wouldn’t put it past her to kill herself.

  42. woodhorse

    Well, wedgeone, I am thinking that K-Fed loves the idea of more income but I think he feels genuine affection for his kids and he feels comfortable with his kids and the kids know that. And the kids need to feel that. The photos look like the children are nervous with Britney. I’m not saying she doesn’t love them, I’m just saying she’s really not cut out to be a parent and the kids are better off with K-Fed where Grandma and Aunt Jamie Lynn also will help raise them. That is a better situation than Foster Care or Britney.

  43. Colzan

    Once and for all, what on earth is wrong with spears spawn #2? Sumthin’ just ain’t right with that boy. Fetal alcohol syndrome? dropped on head syndrome? desperate suicidal depression occurring in infants syndrome? Just plain butt ugly syndrome? Come on! What is it? Have they served the kids’ pediatrician? Or does Britney have Allie take them to the vet?

  44. Italian Stallion

    The little douchebag she’s holding looks like the reincarnation of Chris Farley……………….

  45. ts

    Damn, #33/Naomi is getting pummeled. Serves her right for spewing such a line of complete crap. What an idiot.

  46. Britney Spears' former bodyguard/manny Daimon Shippen

    I’m fine with testifying that Britney’s a great mom… I’m just hoping no one asks me what a lousy fuck she is. That “under penalty of perjury” shit is going to get me in hot water if that comes up.

  47. jen

    I think the kids would be better off in foster care. both of them don’t know how to take care of their responsibilities.

  48. Blah

    Well, it seems as though she’s paying him to fuck her as well as protect her, so I doubt he’ll out her for the crazy bitch she is just yet…we’ll see though

  49. Morella

    Well, we know she didn’t use one as a soccer ball because that would require exercise.

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