Britney Spears attends Jamie Lynn’s baby shower

May 5th, 2008 // 63 Comments

Britney Spears returned to her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana to attend Jamie Lynn’s baby shower this weekend. Relatives say Britney took to her old banjo like a cousin taking his mother in a haystack. E! News reports:

E! News has learned that mom and dad did all the cooking for the alcohol-free affair, which included fried chicken and chili.
Security was tight at Serenity, with police setting up a roadblock and checking IDs. By noon, only about 50 cars were allowed to enter, mostly filled with college-age men and women. There was no sign of Jamie Lynn’s baby daddy/fiancé, Casey Aldridge.

It should be noted that Jamie Lynn holds the record for being the oldest woman to get pregnant in the town of Kentwood. Ole Man Boggynuts was said to have commented: “It’s about time that spinster got some seed in her belly. Reckon it ain’t right t’wasn’t her kin, but y’alls gotta do what y’alls gotta do. Ding dang root toot tootily! I’s also the town doctor.” For those of you who think I’m just perpetuating a horrible caricature of the South, I literally did travel to Britney’s town for this interview. I’m still here right now typing from my, what the locals call, “Magic word machine that done got them nakey pics on them.” See? You can’t make this stuff up.


  1. joe

    FIRST §

  2. dude_on_a_wire

    Hopefully Brit will pass on some sage motherly advice – like be sure the nanny knows not to wake you until 10:00. That can be a bitch when those lil bastards get up early, and oh – you have to rinse out the bottle each time you give them Pepsi.

  3. joanna

    I am sure she has whiskey on her key chain.

  4. veggi

    OH, fish, you’re as confused as an old maid in a cucumber patch.. here on this side of the mason dixon, we say yuns, not ya’ll. Ya’ll is way too proper. Now hand me that mason jar of peach, grab ol’ blue and the shotgun. We gots a weddin to go to.

  5. Fat bitches suck

    I reckon that thare cam-er-a thang stole her soul … no – wait – that was goine a loooong time ago …

  6. Anal Fistula

    ole man boggynuts is a genius!

  7. Nickelodeon Executive

    Just looking at her pictures makes me sad. Can’t imagine what is going through her mind.

  8. Auntie Kryst

    Young unwed mother, get out of the fucking street you fucktard..

  9. morga

    #2, I think you mean RC Cola ;-)

  10. observation

    the girl in the background is clearly judging jamie lynn hardcore

  11. poot

    ever notice the tendency of educated, “intelligent” couples to adopt (you know, saving the world, or what have you), yet uneducated, common sense-less morons continue to pop out babies?

  12. veggi

    And they all sang

    My brother Bill runs a still on the hill
    Where he turns out a gallon or two
    And the buzzards in the sky get so drunk they can’t fly
    Just from sniffing that good old mountain dew.

    They call it that good old mountan dew,
    And them that refuse it are few.
    I’ll hush up my mug if you’ll fill up my jug
    With that good old mountain dew.

  13. Do_FreeBird

    Awww, Jamie’s holding a road kill ‘possum real tight. That’s just adorable.

  14. havoc

    Shooooooooot….awful nice party.

    I wonder if she shaved her leg whiskers with a soup can lid?


  15. Harry

    I heard Roger Clemens is really the father.

  16. AliCat

    I love how for the sake of gossip E News makes sure to mention that Casey wasn’t around. Well no shit, its a baby shower. They tend to be chick only affairs.

  17. dude_on_a_wire

    @9 – you are all over it

    Can you imagine how many diaper shoots we’re in for from the drug store? How about when they go to the hoot-n-holler for cigs and condoms? This has redux spelled all over it.

  18. bootlips

    HAHAHA. She’s 16 and knocked up like a filthy spook. HAHAHA. Al least she won’t be a financial drain on our system like one though. See, I am always looking for the positive in a situation. They should have a system for the blacks where any girl with a SSN ending in an odd number should be permanently sterilized. That should result is a sharp decline in the number of gun toting, crack smoking, gold toothed, oversized shirts and pants wearing, 24′s on an ’83 Oldsmobile driving spooks out there. That’s it, I am running for President.

  19. tight lipped smiler

    I love her Dollar Store maternity outfit. Maybe with her welfare check she can upgrade to Walmart. I predict she’ll be their 4Xs in a year.

  20. Harry Ballzack

    My but she’s looking particulrly *hick-like* these days. She’s beginning to look like the welfare mom she WOULD be if it were’nt for her big sisters money
    Skanky little dip-shit twat

  21. LisaN

    Oh, the Southern bashing is so fucking boring. Like no one in New Jersey has ever gotten knocked up at 17.

  22. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    The only reason Britney dragged herself and her sagging uterus over there is because she found out they were serving krisy kreme’s and latte’s. Her sage motherly advice:

    1. Babies don’t come from storks. They come from drinking 20 or 30 shots of tequila and passing out in the laundromat without panties on.
    2. A mixture of 50% milk, 50% whiskey will cure colicky babies, according to her pediatrician, Dr. Jack Daniels.

  23. #21 – New Jerseyans get knocked up at 17 all the time… well the ones that just moved from down South do.

  24. Kim Lard-ass-ian

    @20 you got that right, no matter what we say about Britney, its only cos of her this little tart wont be living off welfare. What an embarrassment to herself and America she really is.

  25. Kim Lard-ass-ian

    @20 you got that right, no matter what we say about Britney, its only cos of her this little tart wont be living off welfare. What an embarrassment to herself and America she really is.

  26. woodhorse

    Fish, Your southern accent is even worse than your english accent and I didn’t think anything could be worse than that. How about showing us your Sahib/Indian accent?

  27. American Shame

    First of all, the little whore was 16. Not 17. This means she was probably sexually active since at least 15. I honestly don’t blame the girl. Look at her examples. Her Mother let her boyfriend live with her in L.A. WTF did she think was going to happen? Lynn Spears should be drug through the streets, then tied to a tree and lit on fire. Unfit Mothers like her are the reason this country has so many problems.

    Oh. The only thing Lynn Spears should be doing is getting her daughters’ tubes ties.

  28. Deva

    Ever just wish a piano would fall out of the sky?

  29. FirstTimeLongTime

    Jesus, she is a fat sack of fat!

  30. Yiddish White Trash

    It’s kinda funny how you Khazars are so stupid that you hate the Germans yet still, after squatting in their country for centuries because it was the best place in the world, refuse to give up that nasty dialect of yours. You read MSN’s critiques on the celebrities and every other sentence has some yiddish word in it. Our language is E N G L I S H here. Speak it or get the fuck out.
    Yeah go ahead and make fun of the poor white man all you want. It’s fun to be poor and southern.

  31. Deva

    #22, that post was a fucking riot!

  32. Harry Ballzack

    Uhh … Yeah … *Chh* …. Nothing “special” to see here folks – move along …
    She’s just another worthless hollywood bum sponging off family celeb money. I mean – seriously – has she EVER had a paying job ?
    Nobody is ever going to develope any respect for her.
    1. She’s 16 year old
    2. She’s pregnant
    3. She’s single
    4. She’s jobless
    5. She’s PROUD of it !!!!
    6. The only money she has is someone elses
    7. Her phone was bought for her – by someone else
    Hell, she’s not even a good looking 16 to begin with.
    She looks more like she’s 40

  33. Internet Shame

    #27 get your fact straight. She just turned 17. You’re the white trash “american shame” with no grammer skills to speak of. Go back to school and learn something.

  34. Gunion

    To sum up

    Jamie Lynns huge gut =pregnant

    Britneys huge gut =fat

  35. andie

    #11 please see the movie Idiocracy. That’s where we’re headed.

    Luke Wilson and Dax Shephard are in it.

  36. Pagan Beauty

    I’m not defending the little tart or anything, but she is anything but poor and not from her big sister’s money. I am sure she gets something from Nickelodeon for Zoey 101.

  37. Do_Freebird

    Hey Fuckhead,

    I’m from Jersey and let me tell you, the percentage of 16 Y.O. girls getting knocked up is infinitesimal.

    The Percentage of 12 Y.O. girls who suck cock however is 100%.

  38. American Shame

    33? WTF are you typing about? If she just turned 17, she was sixteen when she got pregnant, dipshit! You’re going to lecture me about English when your stupid, fucking hillbilly ass obviously doesn’t know any math? It takes nine months for a baby to gestate, fuckhead. This means, since the demon seed is due in May, and the sluts birthday was last month, she had to have gotten knocked up BEFORE the age of seventeen, fucktard. I also highly doubt it was a first time thing, so she was more than likely sexual active for awhile. That was my point, fuck face.

    Do us all a favor? Get that pea-brain of yours’ in motion before you make stupid, ignorant, hillbilly responses to comments. Or is that the way they teach it at DeVrey. Fuck off, you dumb bitch.

  39. jzz

    cuteness evaporates quick when you are pregnant.

  40. Bacon

    What is it about the look on this chick’s face that makes me want to smack her? Could she sum up “obnoxious bitch” more with those looks?

  41. Danklin24

    This chick always looks so happy and cheerful. Cheer up Jamie Lynn, you’re living the American dream, having a retarded baby out of wedlock….if only I could one day have a wife who’s lived in your shoes.

  42. Danklin24

    and yes, i said lived in a shoe


    Damn, it’s so… Large. o-o


    Damn, it’s so… Large. o-o

  45. hate you for no reason

    YECH. The Spears girls don’t really do pregnancy well, do they? They just look like fat white trash mall rats…oh wait…..

  46. BarleyStearn

    Yes! I’m The Man!
    Nice double chin on whoever this is…

  47. Party Pooper

    I never been to a baby shower for an unwed kid. Baby showers are for Mothers that are going to be the child’s parent, adoptive or their own, not little children that want to play with baby dolls. The whole Spears Family is a bunch of disgusting uneducated hillbillies that need to die.

  48. hi

    Come on. All chicks got pregnant before 20 years of age before 1970. Chicks look best when they’re teenagers. They have a short shelf life and get ugly and fat real quick. Faster than lettuce.

  49. ???

    And #33, before your dumb ass tells anyone to go back to school and learn anything, you should first learn how to spell simple words such as grammar. You are a fucking retard. Jesus.

  50. Dr. Cornelia J. Dogbarker, phd

    I’d like to punch that pathetic bitch right in the stomach, hard, and give her a “dogbarker abortion.” I can’t believe it’s against the law to shoot people like this.

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