Britney Spears and Kevin Federline clean up

January 31st, 2006 // 99 Comments

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline cleaned themselves up and made an appearance at the SAG awards over the weekend. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kevin without a goatee, so this was probably a pretty big moment for him. Like the debut of his chin and upper lip skin or something. It’s sad though, because as hard as they try, they just look like a bunch of hillbillies who got all dressed up to attend the fancy party. It doesn’t matter how many times he shaves or how hard he tries to dress up, Kevin Federline will always be ‘that douche in the nice suit.’



  1. Are you sure they were attending the SAG Awards and not the FAG Awards? Oh wait, Britney’s there, too.

    Story checks out okay.

  2. SuperSpence

    “Hey, Kevin, do ya think they’ll have them pigs-in-a-blanket? They always have those at fancy parties like this ‘un, don’t they?”

    “I dunno, Moneyba–uh, Baby, but you know what would be cool? If I took a dump in that punch bowl? Wouldn’t that be just awesome?”

    “Goddammit, Kevin, just once I’d like to go to a fancy party without you pinching a loaf into someone’s food. Just once!”

  3. PinkRose

    I have a picture of my older sister wearing dress similar to Brit’s dress. It was taken on Prom night in 1985.

  4. Populist

    She actually showed up in a nice dress, and not wearing a tattered bathrobe with hair curlers, slippers, and a baby on one breast. And K-Fed lost the cornrows and the wife-beater t-shirt. I’d be impressed, except they probably slipped out during the awards to have sex in the bathroom.

  5. Debutantejaim

    The ephinay of trailer trash :(

  6. CoJo

    How is she still getting invited to these things anyway?

  7. Jeremy1Esq

    the dude needs a haircut..and so does KFed.

    In fact, if they switched hair dos, he would look like Kurt Cobain and she would look like Ashley Simpson.

    No wonder their baby is so damn ugly

  8. Coolguy7711

    You would think from all the royalties he got from PopoZao that K-Fed could have bought a better suit. Damn that song is HOT! SINFULL!

  9. Right when I was reading “It doesn’t matter how many times he shaves or how hard he tries to dress up, Kevin Federline will always be ‘that douche in the nice suit.”

    DMX’s – Bring Your Whole Crew was playing . . .

    *Now if your heart was as big as your mouth you’d be real
    *But it’s not so I know if you get knocked you’ll squeal
    *like a bitch, cause you is a bitch and always been a bitch

    Too funny. I spit my drink out I was laughing so hard.

  10. No_Angel

    You can tell these two aren’t going to last much longer — they can’t look at each other during a photo op — BS is looking one way and K-Fool is looking another.

    It’s as if they aren’t even in the same room.

  11. Joe Mamma

    What about her? She looks like a Debbie gibson female impersonator.

  12. soapbox

    Are those bows on her dog collar? I bet K-Fad is tugging the end of the leach behind her back.

  13. stevie511

    I struggle to find the words… although “clueless” and “trash” spring to mind. Am I alone in thinking Brit looks like a Dynasty-era Heather Locklear? Complete with bad wig… what’s that about?!

  14. MortyFishbein

    Ugly dress.

  15. PapaHotNuts

    CHECK OUT HER DRESS. I’m waiting for Brittany Ringwald to start crying because she’s from the wrong side of the tracks and all the “Richie’s” make fun of her. But K-Fed can relate to her, because he to, is from the wrong side of the tracks and is made of by everyone. Just two misunderstood kids wishing they could be accepted for what they are. She’s a singer, he is a suberbly horrible rapper. Everything is fine until a “preppy” Justin Timberlake strolls into the picture and trys to steal Brittany from K-Fed. Somewhere in the middle of a massive beef jerky, RC Cola, moon pie, and pork rind fight, true love finds it way. Justin convinces Brittany that despite her natural dispostion for being featured on a Jerry Springer pay-per-view event- he still loves her. Justin and K-Fed were gonna fight after the prom behind the gym, but when they got face to face, K-Fed extended his hand to Justin. “Take good care of her, she’s a good girl.” K-Fed then jumped into his El Camino, smokin a Marlboro Red. Justin and Brittany began to kiss, just as the rain started to come down and a Suzanne Vega song played. It’s a beautiful story. I also discovered I may be a homo for writing this.

  16. Lavis

    WOW! Is it prom time already?

  17. … whoa. They both look … weird. Hahah.

  18. illflux

    I still think she’s really hot, for some reason.

    He, however, will always be a scumbag leech.

  19. gossipmonger

    You can take the couple outta the trailer park but you cant take the trailer park outta the couple.. Go back to the bayou, Brit..and take Cletus with you..
    ps- poor kid… I foresee a lawsuit against his parents for ‘cruel and unusual punishment in the form of bad parenting’ when he gets old enough to understand the word “litigation”

  20. aeronautxearth

    He still looks like a corpse. A corpse that doubles as a dildo.

  21. Bob Denver

    I think “K-Fed” should try and find a suit that fits him. You’re tie shouldn’t be sticking out from below. Moron.

  22. Devil Is Chrome

    No poise – no grace – no fashion sense – no brains – no voice ….

    sometimes you’re nothing but meat.

  23. thebor

    That’s not Britney and D-bag, that’s my sister’s prom photo from ’88. The only thing missing is the six pack holder on Brits fat head. By the way do they have kid, I heard they did but they never seem to be with it.

  24. Luigi Novi

    He SHAVED? How do you figure this? In the photo at the right, it looks like he still has beard stubble.

  25. bigfatmomma

    i still don’t think he washed his grease-bomb ratty assed hair. i sincerely doubt he showered too.

  26. MacMac

    He kinda looks like pre-shorn Michael Bolton.

  27. aura

    Despite her dress being from the 80′s and the fact that she STILL isn’t brushing her hair… she looks good! It looks like she’s lost some weight. Now she just needs to lose her stupid husband. She should never have done the show “Chaotic” because it was basically a confession to America that she is indeed mildly retarded. I preferred when she was just the image of a pop slut with a killer body & great teeth… but we knew nothing about her besides tabloid stories. I miss the old, Britney! Anybody else?

  28. miir

    >>>The ephinay of trailer trash :(

    Is their “trailer-trashiness” so overwhelming that you need to make up words to describe it?

  29. DuckBoy

    I think she looks FANTASTIC!

    I’m not a big fan of Kevin, but if he makes her happy then more power to them.

    I wish all of you people who bash her would STFU. Half of you are probably overweight housewives who wish they could have popped out a baby 4 months ago and look like HER!

  30. asenath7766

    More proof that money does not buy taste. That dress is fugly.

  31. Kitchy


    At first I thought…”Hey! What’s Debbie Gibson doing standing with a giant douchbag prop!”

    Then I realized…”Wow Massengill has really found their niche for marketing douchebags!”

  32. Mary45

    FANTASTIC? WHAT? You’ve got to be kidding me right? It does look like a bad dress from Dynasty and “I’mFED-up” needs a tan…or makeup or mud…

  33. Kitchy

    She does look cute, it’s sad about her health though…are they SURE that the giant tertoma tumor attached to the left side of her body is inoperable?

  34. playahater101

    I like how his tie hangs out the bottom of his suit jacket. Nice!

    I was watching VH1 Fabulous life of Celeb relatives and they had KFed and his dad on. His dad definitely has a nice mullet. If that doesn’t say white trash I don’t know what does!! Then again are we at all surprised?

  35. playahater101

    And yes, DuckBoy, she does look great for having new baby. Everyone would look fabulous after baby if they had personal trainers, nannies, and tummy tucks to help them out!

  36. yeah, I’m not sure what happened. Just last week, the Superficial posted a picture of Spears looking quite chubby.

    Now she’s reasonably thin. How did the pounds melt away so quick?

  37. HollyJ


  38. DuckBoy

    They melt away “so quick” because the pics they posted last week were 2 weeks old…

    and in those pics she wasn’t wearing a bra (bad habit of hers) which visually adds a considerable amount of weight

  39. Kelly

    I think Kfed is starting to look like Brit. Or they look like they could be bro and sister from a fucked up one branch family tree.

  40. pandora1999

    Ahhhhhhh they are so perfect for each other.

  41. Randy

    Hey, Anne Rice called. She wants her vampire back.

  42. gossipwhore

    SO MANY COMMENTS.. SO MANY THINGS WRONG.. can’t.. get.. self.. together.


  43. Edie

    Two things:

    First, did Britney raid Molly Ringwald’s old closet? I swear I saw her in that circa-1982.

    Second, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Gawd man, did you NOT EVER watch “Queer Eye”??? Sweetheart… the rule for buttoning jackets is “sometimes, always and never.” Now, that’s not a one-button rule.. as in, top button is okay SOMETIMES, but the middle is ALWAYS… as in… if you’re gonna button one, make it the middle one, either that or you look like a fuktard with the bottom of your tie hanging out.

    Seriously… I know you were trying NOT to look like white trash. And you failed miserably.

  44. M@ce

    This picture is the living embodiment of the phrase, “You can polish a turd all you want, but you’re still left with a piece of crap”

    Plus, you get some really weird looks…not that I ever really tried to polish a…

    Never mind.

  45. Dee

    When most people have babies they actually have to take care of it themselves. Like the other poster said, personal trainers, chefs, and nannies can do wonders. And since she has all these things, why does she look like a dirty slob 99.9% of the time?

    She looks like a 16 year old going for the prom in that picture. And Federline looks like he always does, really bored.

  46. amma

    …I’m with #11, she looks full Debbie Gibson! The sad part is, its still an improvement.
    As for KFed…he looks like a homeless dog in a suit.

  47. BrendaPayne

    If your husband’s hair is longer than yours, you might be a redneck.

    Overall Britney looks decent, minus the mop top. There’s nothing to say about Kevin. Have you ever heard anyone say that he’s attractive besides Britney? I’ve been combing these boards everywhere and nobody else seems to see it.

  48. ESQ

    Britney is wearing a wig because she still hasn’t washed her hair. The suit K-Douche is wearing looks like he stole it from the morgue and unfortunately some stiff is being buried without it.

  49. ESQ

    She has that look in the pic #2 that they just did it in the limo on the way to the prom. Sly doggs.

  50. agtdonut

    To quote Steel Magnolias, “That looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket.” “I bet she paid $5000 (adjusted for Moo’s income) for that dress and didn’t even bother to wear a girdle.” Sorry for quoting an old lady movie but I think Weeza rocks, and I think we can all assume she had to wear a girdle otherwise there’s no way in hell she could get that on. I have the sudden craving for some sausage.

    Also, how long do you guys think it took to get her looking like that? I’d say 8 minimum.

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