Britney & Kevin: The Narrative That Keeps on Giving

Star continues its quest for journalistic excellence by milking the ever-living fuck out of the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline narrative. This time around the two wacky lovebirds are constantly having sex and were even caught in the act by Victoria Prince:

“It’s like they’re newlyweds all over again,” a family insider tells Star Britney and Kevin, who have been traveling together for much of her Circus tour. “Brit and Kevin can’t keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier.”
But there’s one rather tall issue standing in the way — Kevin’s girlfriend, 5’10 ex-volleyball star Victoria Prince, who actually caught Britney and Kevin having sex on the sly!
Victoria “caught him with his hand in the cookie jar,” says a source.

“Hand in the cookie jar.” Is that a sexual innuendo? Because with Britney and Kevin it could go either way. And by that I mean let’s not pretend she hasn’t found an awesome hiding place for Oreos. But, no, seriously, if Victoria Prince really saw these two having sex they would’ve found her body by now and ruled the cause of death as self-inflicted chainsaw wound to the retina. That’s just science.