Britney & Kevin: The Narrative That Keeps on Giving

April 8th, 2009 // 43 Comments

Star continues its quest for journalistic excellence by milking the ever-living fuck out of the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline narrative. This time around the two wacky lovebirds are constantly having sex and were even caught in the act by Victoria Prince:

“It’s like they’re newlyweds all over again,” a family insider tells Star Britney and Kevin, who have been traveling together for much of her Circus tour. “Brit and Kevin can’t keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier.”
But there’s one rather tall issue standing in the way — Kevin’s girlfriend, 5’10 ex-volleyball star Victoria Prince, who actually caught Britney and Kevin having sex on the sly!
Victoria “caught him with his hand in the cookie jar,” says a source.

“Hand in the cookie jar.” Is that a sexual innuendo? Because with Britney and Kevin it could go either way. And by that I mean let’s not pretend she hasn’t found an awesome hiding place for Oreos. But, no, seriously, if Victoria Prince really saw these two having sex they would’ve found her body by now and ruled the cause of death as self-inflicted chainsaw wound to the retina. That’s just science.

superficial

  1. Mike

    UUUGGGHHH!!!!

  2. mikette

    Doubleugh

  3. Britney

    On this, my much less successful “comeback” tour, I’m still a thousand times more successful than you’ll ever be.

  4. Pat

    “Hand in the tub of cottage cheese” (her ass) was more accurate but, you know, not classy enough for Star.

  5. oh_no

    cancle sex

  6. jenny

    FAT as she is, brit is holding not 1 but 2 cups of starbucks. one of them with cream

    smart move

    if this gossip is true, kevin and brit will be in the guiness book in only a few months… as the heavier couple ever!

  7. carol

    I think it’s great!! Good for them. If they can make it work. Go for it.

  8. Spanky

    I think it would be better news if Kevin caught Britney and Victoria having sex .

  9. Wait till the depression hits Brit again. Kevin will wish he’d taken his balls and her money and went with the beach bitch.

  10. havoc

    I wonder how many times she says “ya’ll” during sex….

    .

  11. RichPort's Ghost

    If by “in the cookie jar” you mean “way up Chris Brown’s Chocolate Butthole”, then yes, I do understand said innuendo.

  12. gross

    that is what my science book said would happen
    it said “In the unfortunate event that K Fed and Britney Spears (post head-shaving) are seen by the naked human eye having sex, the aforementioned human’s eye would be found with the body posthumous; a coroner’s report would reveal the cause of death as self-inflicted chainsaw wound to the retina. However, many studies believe that if there is a merciful God (or at least something with eyes), this barbaric incident will never occur. No cases have been reported in the past year, but some conspiracy theorists believe this is because the victims’ bodies have yet to be found.”

  13. boobies

    oh dear

  14. Max Planck

    Well they’re just perfect together aren’t they!

  15. Organized Mess

    Where’s Randal?

  16. J-Dizzle

    @15

    I was wondering where that douche nozzle Randal was myself.

  17. Organized Mess

    @16

    Yeah, this is just the type of post he trolls for with his “uplifting messages of inspiration or whatever”.

  18. Richard McBeef

    god is gay
    burn the flag
    randal’s dead

  19. Hmmph. I’d like to know where all you stupid retards keep their oreos?? *pats vagina*

  20. Rhialto

    Ewww! Am i glad i don’t have to hump her! *shudder*

  21. carol

    Good for them!! I hope they can get back together. But Kevin should of broke up with his girl friend first. That was low down dirty.

  22. carol

    Good for them!! I hope they can get back together. But Kevin should of broke up with his girl friend first. That was low down dirty.

  23. carol

    Good for them!! I hope they can get back together. But Kevin should of broke up with his girl friend first. That was low down dirty.

  24. Sauron

    Dirty and smelly BS couchie! Ewww!

  25. Joanns

    Your captions are hysterical!!

  26. Galtacticus

    Those bacon-recipes are suspicious.

  27. Darth

    Are they pork lovers?

  28. more like a fist in the toilet!

  29. NY Ted

    Cripes…that is all we need…more fucking kids from these two inbreds! They can’t even fucking look after the ones they have…by the way…where are the young hillbilly’s…?

  30. Danielle

    #6:
    One is water… and i think she looks pretty good for having 2 kids.

  31. Danielle

    #6:
    One is water… and i think she looks pretty good for having 2 kids.

  32. Birthday

    If this is even true, it will never be substantially proved. I’m sure the attitude of Britney’s dad and manager is something along the lines of “let her do what she wants until she wants to go public with it” at which point they would squash the whole thing.

    I don’t think Britney looks out of shape here although she has definitely gained some weight back since she went on tour (which doesn’t seem to make sense, isn’t she supposed to be dancing and burning calories all the time?) but I just want to say that I really have a failure to understand how much she seems like frappucinos. I liked frappucinos for, like, 6 months in the year 1997. How is she not sick of them??? I’m asking this in all seriousness because I really don’t think frappucinos are that great. She must be single-handedly keeping them on the starbucks menu because I don’t know anyone who drinks them anymore.

  33. sam

    #32 — Frappucinos are still on the menu because kids like them. My girls (who are 14 and 12) love them (but rarely get them because I think they are a waste of money and pretty much pure fat and sugar). Britney has the mind of a 12- or 14-year-old girl and the fat/sugar explains the weight gain. Perfectly logical.

  34. Mike

    Shouldn’t brag about pedophiliac endeavors but to each their own, just NIMBY.

    Hotdog thrown down a hallway should suffice, but then again, their manager thought through this enough to know that it would generate publicity… their ‘getting back together’ thus the reason for the wedding ring on the right hand, and yet, as a jealous type, she’ll wonder about the farce until she throws in the towel. Either way, the manager wins!

    Greedy pseudo-stars and their overpayments. I want a rebate on my Brittney collection!

  35. Joanns

    Your captions are hysterical!!

  36. Caught the walrus with his hand in a barrel of lard.

  37. Americans don’t reckognise LOSERS, like britney, any longer.
    That’s exactly the main reason why america is in a very dangerous & critical situation today, folks!!
    …………………………………………….THERE WILL BE HELP IN TIME?

  38. celeb

    Hey! Britney, you have come a long way girl. You look great, and it’s nice to see you back in top form again.! I saw you profile at a cel e brity da ti ng s ite “C e l e b M i n g l e . C o M”, hope you can find your true love there!

  39. Deva

    Fat-ass and trailer-trash; the both of these fucks make me sick.

  40. brunoo

    hey shitney ur such a big loser.u will never will be as sucessfull as madonna.get a life.no one like s u.ur tour sucks.hate u so much.k-fed will took ur money.lolol

  41. jonas

    old look slut

  42. missywissy

    @29- Do you look after Britney’s kids? If you don’t want to help support them, then don’t buy her music. That’s bullshit for you to say who and who shouldn’t have kids. They’re here now and they didn’t ask to be brought into a world that people judge them because of their parents.

    I don’t think Britney is the most talented person out there, or maybe she is and she’s losing her artistry. A lot of people are like that, good at art one day, crappy the next. Anyway, to the people in this blog calling her fat, get a life! If she was just any other chick on the street your tongues would be wagging at her. The fact that she’s a celeb shouldn’t mean we need to see the girl’s ribs. I agree she looked poochy on her tour, but that’s her appeal. She looks REAL. My goodness, you all want her to look like she’s sixteen again and the truth to the matter is that her body once was home to a couple of babies. A woman’s body goes through a huge change to be able to tote around another human inside. Trying to switch it back to prepubecent times is irrational and people who expect mothers to “get their bodies back” are fucked up in the head and do not understand anatomy.

  43. lyn

    if they can get there life together enough to raise there boys i wish them the best. most of these hurtful negative comments suck.madonna is no better, she loves herself and her toy boys and thinks she is equipped to adopt again?she has money but is still trash. britney had alot of problems and she will learn from them. she’s trying and i think she is a good hearted person who has been taken advantage of many many times. she loves her boys and if her and kevin could make it i wish them well. i just hope kevin itsn’t in it for the cash cuz he already gets a monthly bundle off her. i wish britney would meet an older, successfull man that would love her and protect her from everyone and she could become a respectful woman and mother. she is performing cuz that’s all she knows how to do and i imagine with all the people she has to support she is under alot of pressure and stress.we all have ghosts in our closets, there is not one person on earth that has always had there shit together and not fallen from grace. give the girl a break and wish her happiness, afterall she is a mother and deserves respect for loving her kids and wanting a family life, itsbeen a tuff road for her.please don’t disc her.

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