Britney can’t take K-Fed anywhere

December 21st, 2005 // 21 Comments

tn_spears_fed3_cr.jpgWhen I settle in to watch a movie with my $25 worth of milk duds, superpretzels and watered down coke, I expect some goddamn peace and quiet. But of course, there’s always some tool talking on his cell phone. It turns out, that moron is Kevin Federline. Brit recently took the leech out for a matinee, only to find out their infant offspring has a longer attention span.

Federline

superficial

  1. Suite4

    What’s up with all these (former) hotties copulating with losers? Don’t they know losers are contagious? Ooops too late…

  2. I’ve often been asked, if I were in a room with Hitler, Sadam Hussein, and K-Fed, and I had a gun with two bullets in it, what would I do. And every time I respond the exact same way. I would shoot K-Fed twice. Then I would throw the gun at him. Then I would throw my shoe at him. Then I would spit on him. Then I would have sex with him, just to see what all the fuss was about. But I wouldn’t enjoy it. I wouldn’t enjoy it one bit. It would purely be for scientific research’s sake. Then I would remember that I’m straight, and boy would I be embarrassed.

  3. bluecanary

    Anyone who uses a cell phone in a movie theater should have his penis tied to a horse and then the horse should be slapped on the butt very hard with a riding crop.

    I can’t believe someone didn’t kick this guy’s ass. I would have, and I’m a girl.

  4. Obsessa

    This relationship is a trainwreck. I wish we’d stop talking about them, but at the same time, I can’t help but watch…

  5. rivercmb

    The guy is a dancer, I’m sure his career will pick up…

    Pimp her ass out man. Pimp. It. Out.

  6. mrschickee

    Isn’t this tool’s experience limited to a really gay Target commercial? What/who else has he “danced” for? Personally I am with bluecanary on this one. Although I am all for castration so he will not continue to spread his seed and figuratively piss in the gene pool.

  7. ~S.Starr~

    Talking on your cell phone during a movie!! Now you’ve gone to far K-Fed!!!

  8. networkchick

    I believe the scientific, technical expression is PPGP- which stand for piss poor gene pool, and folks, these two are a prime example of that.

  9. Wait a minute… There’s SUPER pretzels in the US? I suppose the myth about there being all differnet types of Cherry Cola over there is true too? They gave us Australian hicks that sweet sweet concoction, and then took it away from us like a wool ball on a cat… You can’t just mess with us like that, you know…

  10. sedation

    If Zitney and Spenderline had a party, and invited all The Superficial regulars, and someone blew it up leaving no survivors, wouldn’t it be funny to see which D-listers would take their places or watch how the media and the world would cope with the sudden loss of concentrated idiocy? I bet the cure for AIDS, cancer, and the common cold would be discovered within milliseconds of the bombing. Coincidence, not.

  11. ebayfan414

    I’ve obtained some transcripts of the phone call k-loserline rudely made during the movie:

    “Hey yo dawg wussup homie? Oz just watcheen a movie with ma big dolluh bill aka the britney heeuh, and I feel like bein’ really nasty an tawkin on the fone so ah cain rune everyones movie xperience cause they yall r suckus cause they yall have gotz jobs! Those loozuhs! Why dont they hook up with a bank account like ah did?”

    It went on like this for an excruciating painful while. Kevin’s grammer and…well…whole demeanor is so low class that I couldn’t even spell right while typing his phone conversation.

  12. BEAM

    How can anyone blame K-Fed for not working when his wife is worth around half a billion dollars? I mean I get it, he’s a man and yet his wife is the one making all the money. “Ha-ha” and all that. But seriously, it’d be a pointless waste of time.

  13. mrschickee

    Ah,yes BEAM…but isn’t K-Fed’s existence a pointless waste of time? And air….and skin….and cheetos?

  14. Zanathon

    Britney should just profusely douse herself with her new fragrance, Fantasy, to the point where the noxious fumes get her high enough to make her delusional about the fact that her sham of a marriage is crumbling faster than a shopping mall’s Santa’s femur, after Ruben Studdard has sat on it.

  15. powerpuffgrl1969

    Hey, remember back in the day when Britney so piously spouted that mommies should stay at home and take care of their babies instead of working? I think this is just divine retribution for that load of crap. That pair of f-wads don’t do a damn thing and they STILL rely on their Latino help to wet-nurse their child. I lost sympathy for her a loooong time ago. I figure it will be about two years (after her new album fails) before she’s having to spread her legs for Penthouse in order to keep her spouse (leech) in wifebeaters. Oh, and Merry Christmas.

  16. hafaball

    Guys, I know it;s fun to make fun of these two, but unless Spears is caught running down Redeo Drive naked with Kevin’s penis in her hand…let’s just lay off the lame stories for awhile.

  17. sedation

    it’s not that he doesn’t work – it would be fine if he didn’t bring in any $ as long as he didn’t spend so frivolously and actually did something productive like trying not to be a deadbeat anything.

  18. ThatsHot

    See now, what I don’t understand is how this sham of a marriage has carried on for so long. Brit’s fam is from the South. They have WAYS of makin a fast talkin cityslicker like K-Fed go away. Forever. He’s a good candidate for a lynching. He trys to act black, lhe should be dealt with that way. And before you cruds get your asses on your shoulders, I can say ’cause I’m black too. And very embarassed by him. Sick.

  19. canadian1983ca

    What are super-pretzels and where can I get some?

  20. derekd

    Its not cool to be a leech to your spouse. But scoring Britney Spears as a wife when you were damn close to being in the welfare line before then you come dangerously close to fucking up the gravy train, that is just pure stupidity. K-Fed. Wake up dude! You scored the biggest fish in the pond and now your gonna fuck it up! What do you think? You can just go to Biggest-Popstar-out-right-now pond and fish out another one? Better start working on Jessica Simpson. She’s probably the only one retarded enough to fall for it.

  21. echeevo99

    It seems like useless stupidity and fertility go hand in hand in some cases. K-Fed is a professional ejaculator with a so-called dance career on the side. There are other versions of him that live in trailers and wait for Government checks at the beginning of the month. These dudes wear baggy jeans and wife beaters too.

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