Bertney Stands On Fences ‘Cause Papa Makes Her Get Strong

“Papa, I’m a bird!”
“Jesus, shit, she’s got a foot over. Shock collar! USE THE SHOCK COLLAR!”

Because I’m dead inside, one of the things that crack me up is when people try to pass off Britney Spears’s social media posts as her own personal thoughts and expressions even though it’s a documented fact that the state of California won’t let her have a checking account and she’s essentially a dancing bear that her dad legally controls. Case in point, her latest workout video that’s supposed to show the world a disciplined, motivated Bertney at the gym, but mostly looks like she’s staying swoll in case the car breaks down.

“Bertney, we’re out of a gas. McDonald’s is that way. You know what to do.”
“Right!” *gets out, pushes car so fast it travels back in time*

P.S. Everyone sees the shock collar, right? I’m not imagining that?

Staying motivated 💪

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

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