Britney Spears Was Crazy Because Of Meth, Says Least Credible Person Ever

“Malcolm Middle’s dad done gimme the good shit, y’all! YEE-HAW!”

In 2008, I’m almost positive I spent entire months writing about nothing but Britney Spears and her “manager” Sam Lutfi who would eventually be forcibly removed from her life by her father Jamie Spears after she locked herself in her bedroom and refused to hand over her kids to Kevin Federline until the SWAT Team arrived. Later, her mother Lynne would accuse Sam of crushing pills into Britney’s food and drinks (Adderall-laced Furnch Fries were always her weakness.) which brings us to yesterday’s court proceedings where Sam is suing Britney for not paying him for his time as her “manager” and her parents for defamation. TMZ reports:

Sam’s lawyer, Joseph Schleimer, admitted in opening statements … Sam used Adderall (an amphetamine) for ADD, but he was adamant, Sam never gave her the drug.
And Schleimer claimed, Sam repeatedly told Britney she needed to get off drugs, to no avail. Schleimer says Sam wanted to bring a new team in — he called it “the varsity team” — to help save her.
And Schleimer says in an attempt to clean Brit’s house of drugs, he brought in a drug-sniffing dog and found a baggie of crystal meth.

Sam’s lawyer also claims Britney shaved her head to hide her drug use, except that contradicts what Sam told TMZ in 2010 when he was long removed from her life:

TMZ shot video of Lutfi back in 2010, and we asked him about the incident. Sam NEVER said anything about drugs. To the contrary, he told our photog he thought Britney shaving her head was “a cool thing … somebody expressing their artistic side.”
Lutfi went on … “I think she was just expressing her independence and her freedom … there’s nothing wrong with Britney. She’s awesome.”

Here’s the deal, while Sam Lutfi is clearly an opportunistic lying shitbag who through sheer luck managed to find himself into a position to pump drugs into a bipolar gravy train who couldn’t tell you what year it is if you strapped a calendar to her feedbag, her parents are also sucking off that gravy train by continually forcing her onstage and into creepy arranged marriages even though they basically had the state of California legally declare her retarded. Granted, they’re going to win this case considering the judge repeatedly warned Sam’s lawyers that they can’t just make shit up and have to provide this thing called evidence, at the end of the day, the real loser is still Britney. Unless they take her for a Happy Meal afterwards then it’s a wash. “Mama, dada, why Mr. Jason always want to touch mah parts? Ooh! Scooby Doo pails!”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News