Britney Spears Wanted To Be a Lawyer

March 9th, 2011 // 178 Comments

Britney Spears appears in the newest issue of OUT where she answers a series of questions ranging from her favorite way to relax to the worst advice record producers ever gave her. I posted some choice answers below which I should point out were all answered over e-mail (Read: By a publicist.) and explains how Britney understood such concepts as reincarnation and more impressively, her own name:

Assuming reincarnation exists, in a previous life I think I was…
Audrey Hepburn, because she was a trend setter.

Assuming reincarnation exists, in my next life I’d life to be…
A bird, so I can fly.

My idea of hell is…
Being on a diet.

If you hadn’t become a superstar, what career do you think you would have chosen?
I was in seventh grade and it was career day and I remember thinking that I wanted to be an entertainment lawyer. I always knew I would be in this business somehow. I think this path worked out way better.

What is the best advice you’ve gotten and who was it from?
My mom said when you have a bad day, eat ice cream. That’s the best advice.

Lady Gaga is…

Christina Aguilera is…
Truly talented.

Britney Spears is…

WHEEE!! *clap clap clap clap* (Sorry. Just trying to recreate the scene.)

Photos: OUT


  1. ThisisnotTigerWoods

    Just think of the size of the prosciutto ham we could make out of that!

  2. Colin

    You know, I’ve seen birds fighting over a spilled Frappuccino in a parking lot before, so that actually makes a lot of sense.

  3. Star Droppings

    Her Left High Heel: “Why does it smell like corn dogs down here?”

  4. guessing she’s in OUT cos that’s what her fan base reads?

  5. Britney was 8 years old when Audrey Hepburn died. I don’t think she understands the concept of “reincarnation”.

  6. Cardinal Fang

    Not first

  7. So I guess heaven is the 50 piece Chicken McNuggets at MacDonalds?

    With the honey mustard sauce ya’ll!


  8. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    “hold on i got a pube in my mouth..”

  9. JC

    At least she’s correct in that her current career worked out better than he law career would have. I can’t imagine having to be the judge who would have had to explain that “passing the bar” didn’t mean “not getting drunk before court.”

  10. ntlj

    Didn’t recognize her without the food stains.

  11. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    nothing says class like tattoos on your crotch

  12. who cares?

    enter the deep fryer.

  13. LC

    Britney as an entertainment lawyer?

    *speaking to jury* “Okay ya’ll, Miss Lohan totally didn’t steal that necklace ya’ll, she was just, ya know, borrowing it, ok ya’ll? Y’all look, there’s a birdie outside, aww shoot I always wanted to be a birdie!”

    • slimy

      not so sure representing a celebrity in a criminal case is a entertainment lawyer. Funny that this is the connotation in today’s day and age.

  14. lori

    That’s a nice Christian pose.

  15. Britney Spears
    Motorboat Captain
    Commented on this photo:

    Pics are shopped to shit and back but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

  16. ralph kramden

    hammina hammina hammina!

  17. Me

    I’d totally do her…….

  18. titsxoxo

    same!! she looks hotttt

  19. m

    She’s so filth… God, Britney. Stop trying to be sexy. That went out the window years ago.

  20. Mandy

    You’ve got to remember that she got into the music industry when she was like 10 years old.. She’s probably never even had to think about any other career or interests in her entire life.
    As for that picture, her face looks painfully photoshopped.

  21. Randolph Duke


  22. For all the mocking, you have to her props for admitting that she would trade her children for a years worth of Quarter Pounders and McFlurrys. At least that’s how I read it.

  23. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    um….so this looks like borat in a banana hammock from the waste down.

  24. Matcher

    She could pee on me. Wait… make that she SHOULD pee on me.

  25. jen

    her butt looks like a hamburger made of play doh….

  26. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I would eat that ass til it melted in my mouth.

  27. I would eat that ass til it melted in my mouth.

  28. aozeb

    Is it bad that I want to stick my penis in that?

  29. So she said she might have been the reincarnation of Audrey hepburn. i think it would be more believable if she said she was the reincarnation of Keith Richards.

  30. hmna

    OUT has got the world’s worst Photoshopper on staff. It looks like they pasted her head on another body.

  31. MisterBoo

    I guess Brit doesn’t realize that Audrey Hepburn died more than a decade AFTER she was born. I can only assume this means Britney did a satanic ritual at the age of 11 during which she consumed Hepburn’s soul (probably in milkshake form) in order to skyrocket into fame. WE’RE ON TO YOU BRITNEY!

  32. Deacon Jones

    I can only imagine the *queff* sound that resulted in her leg raise there.

    It probably sounded like a fog horn.

  33. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF there’s a missing part on her hips. too much photoshop

  34. See Alice

    whats that nasty smell ?

  35. She gave up on the law degree when she found out you can’t lip-sync in court.

  36. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Truly an idiot. The pictures are nasty, and Audrey Hepburn died in 1993…therefore if reincarnation did exist she could have never been Audrey, and what an unbelievable insult.

  37. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Definitely smuggling sausage. Or a Sausage McBiscuit.

  38. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    as much as i love her signature look “stinky butthole”, this is very nice!

  39. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Groin tattoos. They never look good.

  40. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I think Audrey Hepburn would be mortified by any association with those thunder thighs.

    • king gibson

      thunder thighs? those are women’s thighs. maybe you’re not used to them because you’re too busy banging trannies.

  41. Britney Spears
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    now THAT’S “winning!”

  42. Sham

    poo poo pee pee.

  43. guy rossi

    She’s ripping a giant Taco bell fart in that picture, isn’t she?

  44. slappy magoo

    Come on, cut her some slack. Someone goofed on her and told her “lawyer” is what they call professional ham-eaters.

  45. Sham

    I am jerking my gerkin like it is 1998.

  46. PB


  47. Nero

    Ya right and i’m a FBI-agent who fell in love with the tap about a decade ago.

  48. ShootMeYA

    Damn Fish,
    I really thought you were making up those responses – but then I clicked and actually read them in Out’s article. She is deep.

  49. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d hit it

  50. Rhialto

    Yeah… We’ve tried to fight her years. Using different advanced programs, changing hardware and so on. But somehow she did manage to sneak in all the time. After years we’d consider her now as a piece of furniture…

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