Britney Spears Needs to Stop Touring

June 17th, 2011 // 246 Comments

“Yup, she’s smuggling bacon again. Sonofabitch.”

Britney Spears launched her Femme Fatale tour in Sacramento last night, and I seriously don’t get how the state allows her parents to shove her onstage like this. How is this legal, but I can’t have a diner staffed entirely by people with Down’s Syndrome? (You bet your ass I was going to call it Corky’s Kitchen.) It’s bullshit, yet people somehow keep paying money to see a linebacker’s body crammed into skimpy outfits lazily perform basic choreography because she’s medicated into submission. If Britney’s mic actually worked, I guarantee all you’d hear is, “Pizzer Hut, Pizzer Hut, Daddy says do good and I get Pizzer Hut, Pizzer Hut.”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Britney Spears
    Shae
    Commented on this photo:

    I like how they added sequined muffin top-hiding flaps to the sides of her jean shorts.

  2. Veronica

    She’s had two kids and looks great. Britney is such a great entertainer. Her concert was amazing!!

  3. Britney Spears
    don
    Commented on this photo:

    vrooom vrooom!! where are my cheetos

  4. Britney Spears
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Tastes like Cheetos and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

  5. Britney Spears
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Nuthin’ but Muffin.

  6. Britney Spears
    Kitty
    Commented on this photo:

    They could have at least made costumes that actually fit her frame. Just because you can squeeze into it doesn’t mean you should wear it.

  7. Fletch

    Milli Vanilli fooled people for a few years until one of the guys just couldn’t take it anymore and confessed; another shot himself. The only reason this POS doesn’t do the same is because her enablers have her so drugged she doesn’t know it’s 2011.

    • Clarence Beeks

      I call her Brit Van Winkle, because it’s like she fell asleep and still dresses like she has her 19 year old body.

  8. Britney Spears
    julietin
    Commented on this photo:

    This is just sad

  9. Britney Spears
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Rob Halford would laugh pretty goddamned hard at this shot.

  10. Britney Spears
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    “Watermelon, cantaloupe, watermelon, cantaloupe and twirl, two, three, four, watermelon, cantaloupe…”

  11. Britney Spears
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Not terrible, but still too soft & thick for the costumes.
    Why do people still cough up big $ for the shows? She doesn’t even SING & she’s not a great dancer. Better off renting an old Madonna concert DVD.

  12. Britney Spears
    JosieBelle
    Commented on this photo:

    I never ever thought that I would recommend JLo’s fashion sense to anyone, but….Brit, get yourself a full body catsuit. You can pretend it’s still sexy, while wearing your Spanx.

  13. Self Hater

    I would bang her. Repeatedly.

    I hate myself. Do I hate myself because I would bang her, or would I bang her because I hate myself? It’s the chicken vs. the egg all over again.

  14. Britney Spears
    JosieBelle
    Commented on this photo:

    The Mystery of Britney Spears’ Breasts continues! A cup? D cup?

  15. Britney Spears
    JosieBelle
    Commented on this photo:

    I promise I won’t hit Rihanna again! Just please, don’t give me another lap dance.

  16. Satan's bitch

    If we could see that guy’s face, his eyes would be saying it all.

  17. Steelerchick

    Must be tough trying to sing and suck in your gut at the same time.

  18. Britney Spears
    Beatnik
    Commented on this photo:

    Naw, she’s just a victim of a weird shirt and bad lighting…in that if she had only worn a weird shirt in bad lighting she might not look as bad as she does right now.

  19. HEY HICK FUCK YOU!

    I’d suck her dick!

  20. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    This dude is the best cross-dressing Britney impersonator I’ve ever seen.

  21. Looks like Rover just found where she keeps her stash of bacon. “I smell bacon!!!”

  22. Britney Spears
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh my…. that’s unfortunate.

  23. Nadia

    oh fish, you are hilarious. This post made my day

  24. Britney Spears
    Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Chyna dye her hair?

  25. Karin

    No matter how old she is, it was still a kick ass concert. On the songs she danced to she lip-synced..so what?? I could name tons of other singer who do the exact same thing.

    • Tiffany

      By “dance”, you mean wonder around the stage looking lost while her back up dancrs did the REAL dancing.

  26. Britney Spears
    Willy Crawford
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture makes me uncomfortable…

  27. Britney Spears
    harmony
    Commented on this photo:

    why does britney spears need to stop touring?

  28. Britney Spears
    harmony
    Commented on this photo:

    omg here we go again with her breasts

  29. Britney Spears
    BigDaddy
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks great. Way better then looking at that fat ass Kim K or someone from J. Shore.

    • Jovy

      Im sorry…I really am, but Kim has a much nicer body than this. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand the Kardashians. But I tells it like it is.

  30. Britney Spears
    fx35
    Commented on this photo:

    lol Femme Fat-ale. Sponsored by McDonalds

  31. Britney Spears
    fx35
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she’s using k-feds workout video to get in shape too

  32. Britney Spears
    ahhemmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    Its like watching the runway show for Victoria’s Secret Angels miss piggy version.

  33. Clarence Beeks

    why would you pay ridiculous money to see her lip synch and do half assed dancing?

    She does NOT want to be doing this anymore. It is so obvious. Plus, her stylist must hate her, because he/she made Brit look fat in almost everything she wore. And STOP with the g-damn ANKLE BOOTS! Britney has thick, stumpy legs, and all ankle boots do is accentuate the stumpiness.

  34. Anonymous

    Ticket sales were so slow they were practically giving them away. She needs to quit. She no longer has the body for these outfits. Who wants to see a trained seal flail her arms about and lip synch to horrible music?

  35. Gago

    Good, fee tickets are good. You are not required to watch, so stop it if you don;t like it. Just makes like look like the bigger dumbass don’t you think? Yeah, I’m talking to you Anonymous, the fact you wasted a few seconds to click, read and type makes you a the biggest moron of all!

    Obviously, you do not want her to stop, how else are you going to get hits on your pathetic blog without instigating Britney’s loyal fans? How? Pathetic excuse to be a blogger, a Perez Hilton wannabe! LOL

    • Anonymous

      I suggest you seek out REAL music. Britney Spears is studio created garbage. She cannot sing, period. And for the record, kid, this isn’t my blog. I commented on the article. You clearly aren’t very bright. Most teenagers aren’t.

  36. Gago

    At least the legitimate writers and critics have spoken, and they loved the show! So suck it! Your opinions are worthless! LOL

  37. Anonymous

    Poor Gago. Let me guess……you’re a fourteen year old girl.

  38. Gago

    By the way anonymous, where are they giving it away? I need free tickets cause I want to see it! Yes, I am proud of it! You are an old bitter fat ugly girl, jealous much? LOL

  39. Gago

    Yes, I am a 14 year old girl and you are a fat ugly old woman with no boyfriend and low self esteem! LOL

    • Anonymous

      Sorry, kid. I’m not a female, for which I am eternally thankful.

      • Gago

        and there you have it! The internet is the only way you can lay your eyes on a half naked girl, that is why you are here! LOL Sorry nobody wants to be your girlfriend. So it is either you are an ugly boy/man or you are a perv/child molester who likes porn/semi-porn, so you are here! at least my excuse is I like Britney! What is yours? LOL

  40. Gago

    That is why I have time on my hands, since school is out! You on the other hand is stealing company time if you are employed or unemployed with plenty of time in your hands and nothing better to do but troll the internet because nobody wants to hang out with you! LOL

  41. Lady Gaga

    At least the 14 year old girl has an excuse, what is your excuse Anonymous? Oh yeah, only smart people know that the opposite of hate is indifference. Love and Hate are almost equal, so… If you are smart you will understand, sadly, you are not… sorry

    • Anonymous

      Angry children who can’t handle the fact that people really don’t worship their little heroine and consider her a no-talent has been, which she is. Beyond hilarious. Enjoy your bubblegum “music”, kiddies. I’ll be listening to quality music.

  42. Britney Spears
    ahhemmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    omg, its Kid Rock pimpin’ himself in a bikini

  43. Anonymous

    You have to love someone who tells it like it is:

    “That is how I feel about Britney, til I read this board you guys make me feel better. This bitch is DUNN. TOAST. And even she knows it. This show looks like Trailer Park Tales and her outfits…I just can’t. She is bored, paunchy, has anti-depressant chunk and she just needs to STOP IT! Yet, I show this to people at work and they think “She is Back! Good for her! I knew she would come back stronger!” WTF??? Am I in some fucking alternate universe? What is it that her “fans” will pay to see this busted Louisiana trash in a various Frederick’s ensembles?”

    • Clarence Beeks

      ahhh…..quoting Dlisters, eh? lmao

      I am a Dlister too, I post under my other screen name there.

      :)

  44. Britney Spears
    ahhemmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    All I have to say is what a dork. No sex appeal, no creativity…just plain dork.

  45. Britney Spears
    ahhemmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    Reminds me of the contraption they strapped on to my belly to monitor my twin’s heart rates when I was pregnant. BS looks abt 5 months pg here.

  46. Britney Spears
    ahhemmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m embarrassed to say I clicked thru to the end. BS should be pictured on the drop dead diva ads posted all over this site. Sometimes life throws you cheetos.

  47. Britney Spears
    k_stabbs
    Commented on this photo:

    SUP KE$HA.

  48. Britney Spears
    cmonadmin
    Commented on this photo:

    man, i wish those thumbnails would stay, i hate scrolling through them in the one line… why can’ the thumbnails stay in the grid format? its so much nicer design wise….

  49. Britney Spears
    SCH
    Commented on this photo:

    unfortunately, those shorts are a trend right now. I dont understand it either :/

  50. who me?

    Poor girl.. this is what happens when parents take a cute kid and throw them into show business. Dadagers and Momagers… taking what is a mentally ill girl and letting her perform to make $$$$. She needs to retire.. stay out of the spotlight and seeks a therapist to get herself on track mentally.

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