Britney Spears Needs to Stop Touring

“Yup, she’s smuggling bacon again. Sonofabitch.”

Britney Spears launched her Femme Fatale tour in Sacramento last night, and I seriously don’t get how the state allows her parents to shove her onstage like this. How is this legal, but I can’t have a diner staffed entirely by people with Down’s Syndrome? (You bet your ass I was going to call it Corky’s Kitchen.) It’s bullshit, yet people somehow keep paying money to see a linebacker’s body crammed into skimpy outfits lazily perform basic choreography because she’s medicated into submission. If Britney’s mic actually worked, I guarantee all you’d hear is, “Pizzer Hut, Pizzer Hut, Daddy says do good and I get Pizzer Hut, Pizzer Hut.”

Photos: Splash News