Britney Spears Needs to Stop Touring

June 17th, 2011 // 246 Comments

“Yup, she’s smuggling bacon again. Sonofabitch.”

Britney Spears launched her Femme Fatale tour in Sacramento last night, and I seriously don’t get how the state allows her parents to shove her onstage like this. How is this legal, but I can’t have a diner staffed entirely by people with Down’s Syndrome? (You bet your ass I was going to call it Corky’s Kitchen.) It’s bullshit, yet people somehow keep paying money to see a linebacker’s body crammed into skimpy outfits lazily perform basic choreography because she’s medicated into submission. If Britney’s mic actually worked, I guarantee all you’d hear is, “Pizzer Hut, Pizzer Hut, Daddy says do good and I get Pizzer Hut, Pizzer Hut.”

Photos: Splash News


  1. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    muffin top!

  2. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry, but she needs to lose some pudge before she dresses like this in public.

    • kimmykimkim

      Don’t be sorry! You’re right! How could you try to make a comeback and come back like this? They definitely should’ve put her in a one piece leotard cuz her legs appear to be in decent shape but i havent made it through all the pics yet.

  3. Kelley

    Wouldn’t walk across the street to see Britney Spears …

    • Doc Schweinstrudel

      WTF is wrong with you, people! You are all the carriers of new colli cynical assholes syndrome, everything seems shit and too old to care.
      Yeah, she is not like those fucking giant insects “supermodels” from Victora Secret and you know what, those teenage girls DON’T CARE if she has extra 5 pounds or not they like her music, they find it cool.
      Second point, she is not dressing herself -none of the modern celebrities do that – that’s up to the STYLIST, not Britney herself and as you can see pretty much all crew is dressed in same manner. She dresses like a teen because that’s her target audience.
      Jokes about her being retarded are lame because all the smartasses who attack her don’t make a year what she does in an hour.
      Again I don’t see what’s so bad she has done to anyone. Go back wanking on Sarah Jessica Parker’s pictures.

      • lmao

        “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! “, Chris, is that you?

      • chickennoodo

        Firstly, there’s no way in hell that that’s an “extra 5 pounds”. This kind of scrutiny is 100% to be expected when you are in the lime light. If one of these things is not like the other, people are going to call them out on it.
        Secondly, Just because her stylist goes, “I made these for you and your dancers!” doesn’t mean she HAS to go with it. No one’s forcing her to dress like bedazzled trailer trash, she’s accepting it on her own.
        Thirdly, even in this world that we live in today, I have NEVER seen these “teen girls” that you speak of. I don’t care if the girls were my own or not, if they dressed like that, I’d call them out right on the spot like we’re doing here now.
        fourthly… SARAH JESSICA PARKER?! WHO ARE YOU?! And you say the Victoria Secret models are “fucking giant insects”… No wonder your view is skewed.

  4. Bob

    I would still fuck her. First bitches

  5. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    About to do P90X chair dips. Work those triceps!

  6. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d tap that til she begs me to stop.

  7. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:


  8. Jenny

    Photo #4: About to do P90X chair dips. Work those triceps!

  9. Fondue

    Honestly, it probably works for her on tour – the audience doesn’t get to see her that close so their imaginations fill in the rest.

  10. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    “smells like edam cheese”

  11. Paul McCartney

    It’s just a picture of a guy sucking Britney Spears’ dick. What’s wrong with that?

  12. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    it looks like her belly is going to melt right off her its sagging so much…

  13. ugh not one of those outfits is sexy. she looks like something out of a female impersonator convention. keep that shit tucked away in vegas

  14. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    nice package!

  15. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d suck her cock!

  16. Lol, now I have that song stuck in my head
    McDonald’s, McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut…thanks :(

  17. Luke

    She sang live, and seemed more energetic than anything in the last 5 years.

    Kudos, Brit.

  18. Go Galt

    What a disgusting mess. Who goes to see her “perform” “live”? She is so gross and trashy, she makes Lady Gaga look like the fucking Queen of England.

  19. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she just spotted the catering tray

  20. Unimate

    Would still plow. Will always plow.

  21. Frank Burns

    “I swear I saw things moving down there, and heard tiny cries for help!!” – Britney’s backup dancer, later that night at the gay bar, trying to drink away the horror.

  22. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    is this brooke hogan?

  23. Queequeg

    Middle age can be difficult.

    Obviously a problem for Mrs. Federline.

  24. bing

    I didn’t even know she was still in activity. Who’s the pimp behind this ?

  25. Mandy

    I have tickets for this tour and I’m actually looking forward to it. Obviously, she doesn’t sing and her dancing is poor, but it’s a great performance. The costumes, the backup dances, the routines, the props. It’s a very fun show!

    • Queequeg

      Where’s Randal?

    • Kelley

      Er, how does not singing and poor dancing = a great show ???

      • Mandy

        Nope. Like I said, the props, the other dancers, the costumes, the choreography and everything else makes it a great show. Britney is okay I guess, but she is not the reason I went to the Circus tour and she’s not the reason I’m going to the Femme Fatale.

    • cc

      Why not save up and see Cirque du Soleil instead of settling for this tawdry crap?

    • don

      she actually sang live during the show, and seemed to have been having fun and actually dancing pretty damn sharply from the videos i’ve seen. and i bet most of your girlfriends, sisters, moms, etc. don’t look that good, wearing a t-shirt and jeans let alone a bikini top and dukes. she looks thicker than she did last week ,but she is a girl, maybe she was just bloated. y’all crack me up.

      • Tiffany

        She has never sang live in her entire career. She might have a mic, but they drown out her voice with the pre-recorded version. And if someone doesn’t look good in a bikini top and dukes, they should not wear it, period.

      • lindsay

        @ don, i agree! i know im gonna get a ton of flack for saying this, but white men are the only men on earth that dont like curves! their ideal woman would be a pam anderson type (scrawny legs, flat butt, no hips, big FAKE beach ball tits) i think its hilarious that anybody would think britney is fat. thats just plain retarded. look at her legs! the girl has got toned, shapely dancers legs with not one ounce of “fat” on them! shes got a nice ass. nice boobs. and a nice stomach. (maybe shes got a little pooch, but it certainly isnt bad) britney is, after all, the mother of 2 KIDS! and she looks far better than most women with no kids! so can someone please tell me where all this fat is?

    • Carla V.

      Mediocrity at its finest, and the mediocre coming out for their queen. Thanks, special eds ^_^

      • Mandy

        @Carla – since you are so critical, I’m assuming you’ve been to either the Circus tour or this tour? Otherwise, I’m not sure why you think the show is mediocre. Besides, like I said a few times now, I’m NOT there for Britney. I’m there for the show.

      • TMB

        So you don’t go to a Britney Spears concert for Britney? That makes no sense. You would be better going to Las Vegas if all you want to see is the show. At least then you would see people who actual look good in their skimpy costumes and who can really perform. Not just sit down and swing their hair around.

  26. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking at this picture makes me feel pretty.

  27. LordAtama

    Fish’s comments about Britney are getting pretty boring. How many times have we heard them before?

  28. Madonna

    I’m glad this bitch is fat. That’s what she gets for leaving Kabbalah! I am going to soak in a tub filled with the blood of virgins now.

  29. Nate

    I love Pizza Hut! Their deepdish is da bomb!

  30. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    bumblebee tuna, bumblebee tuna.

  31. Britney Spears
    Juicy Lucy
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh please don’t pull my finger, I can feel the Burger King from earlier running down my leg.

  32. Yeezy's Son

    “Pizzer Hut”!!! “Corky’s Kitchen”!!! Well done sir, well done

  33. Coyote

    I can’t believe anyone would give their hard earned money to this has been

    • meh

      That’s just it, peopel who go see this shit or Beiber, are peopel who have never earnt a penny in thier lives doing anything that can actually be defined as hard work or some kind of societal contribution. When you are a useless assbag you just don’t have any semblance of discriminating taste.

      • meh

        Oh and please pardon the spelling mistakes, I was licking grey poupon off the maid which makes typing at the same time rawtherrrr difficult.

  34. jb

    Ms. Spears is sporting a bit of a muffin top these days… Not looking so good… Chunky I think the term is…

  35. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is my hot water tank wearing heels and a bikini?

  36. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Meh. She’s still a chunky monkey.

  37. Katie G

    She sang live most of the show last night. Do your research before jumping do conclusions. She’s never been an amazing singer but I’m glad she’s actually trying this time around.

    • Kelley

      “Most” of the show … interesting. Meaning concert-goers are still subjected to lip-synching after paying how much money ? ANYONE can lip-synch, for Christ’s sake. And not just overly-medicated psych patients.

      • don

        actually it’s pretty commonplace for entertainers, especially in the pop genre to lipsync, hell beyonce even does it…..A LOT. it’s called using pre-recorded vocals. janet, michael, beyonce, and tons of others use pre-recorded vocals. this girl just can’t win with y’all i swear lol

      • Tiffany

        Beyonce does NOT lipsync. There is a difference between having a backing track and lipsyncing. Lipsyncing requires you to PRETEND that you are the voice that everyone hears. Beyonce is a billion times better dancer, singer, performer than Brit ever was…even when she was 18. Britney can’t win because she has no talent. Spend your money how ever you like, but you can’t convince people this girl is talented. We have eyes and ears.

      • Jessie

        Beyonce prerecords a vocal she lip syncs to durng some of her songs plus a backing track. Again commonplace for singers to do both. Britney Spears since 2004ish began singing over a high volume full backing track. Most artists are singing or lip syncing more esp during heavy dance sessions. Michael Jackson himself did. Although I am probably talking to a brick wall telling any of you this outside entertainment.

  38. meh

    Ugh it’s like watching a retarded chubby bunny try to eat a carrot, it’s not even funny anymore, it’s just sad, weird, and somewhat creepy.
    I just don’t get why it’s so damn hard for her to get in shape, it’s not like she was super skinny in her hay day. Why is fitness such an immense challenge for her? She has the physique to be really toned so it’s just a massive waste of decent genes to be looking like that, well decent physical genes that is. Mental genes wise she got the short end of broken fungus covered white trash Midwestern stick that some fat bear uses to scratch his hairy bear balls when he can’t find a rock to rub against.

    I guess that’s the paradox, crazy people always look like shit; they can’t help it. When your deeply limited, at it’s high point, mind finally goes on a one way trip to never never land you just can’t complete tasks anymore complex than eating your weight in funions and stuffing your chub self like a swollen sausage into a bunch of 80′s circus hooker costumes and perhaps occasionally letting your middle aged former manager (read pimp) have lazy missionary sex with you while your squirm in moderate displeasure complaining that it tickles while you sloppily eat the dunkaroos he laid out for you like rose petals laid on a bed for non retarded people who like sex and a little romance.

    • UnholyKrep


      Spears’s hometown is Kentwood, Louisiana.

      Louisiana is NOT part of the midwest. Don’t try to pin that braindead loon on us.

      • meh

        Ooops sorry. I’m not American so I plead geographical ignorance, but I actually love America so I am genuinely sorry about that. No offense intended midwesterners.

  39. readyneddy

    I’ll bet she gives good head.

    • beeyoing

      hmm…never crossed my mind, but yes I think you’d be correct. The crotch-grab on the patio comes to mind.

  40. cc

    Do labor laws in CA actually allow people to be punished in such a fashion just for showing up late for practice? Charles Dickens never wrote about anything this inhumane.

  41. cc

    Singer goes home and gets through door and is greeted by girlfriend:

    ‘You stopped at In-and-Out for a burger and didn’t bring me home anything?’

  42. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is how I pushed out those little ‘uns. Whadda they names agin?”

  43. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn that magical puppet fairy! She was alright when she turned Pinocchio into a real boy. But someone needs to stop her now that she’s turned Miss Piggy into a pop star. Don’t let her anywhere near Jim Henson’s Dark Crystal set!

  44. neorules2112

    I would eat the cheerios out of her pooper

  45. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Ouch! She even has a muffin top when wearing sparkly granny underwear.

  46. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve heard of “muffin top”, but “muffin face” is a new on for me.

  47. LJ

    “A linebacker’s body crammed into skimpy outfits”……priceless.

  48. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn you Britney! You said it would taste like coconut!

  49. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at me daddy! I’msa Sumo Wrastler!

  50. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:


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