Bertney’s Smurkurr

March 13th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Bertney’s Smurkurr
A Vroom! Vroom! Story For Early Readers

Bertney loved her new Smurkurr.
“It’s like driving a soder can!” she told Papa the day he brought it home.
At first, she wasn’t happy that her old car had to go away, but Papa said he was tired of burying bodies out by the pool and it was time to get her something safer. Bertney didn’t know what any of those words meant, so she was very sad and confused. But then she saw her tiny little special car and instantly felt better.
“First stop, Furnch fries!” she squealed as she waved both hands out the window.
While she waited for Mr. David to get in (Bertney was never allowed to be alone. Papa’s rules.) Bertney imagined herself in the drive-thru beeping at all the other cars that would surely be jealous of her Smurkurr.

“I sure wish I was so teeny-tiny,” Bertney imagined them saying. “Why I bet that Smurkurr can fit in a pocket. I’ve never been in a pocket!”
Soon, Mr. David got in, but he didn’t seem happy at all about Bertney’s Smurkurr. He liked that it couldn’t go very fast on account of he was afeared of dying, but he sure used an awful lot of cuss words about how hard it’d be to put his wiener fry in her special place with so little room.
“So no doodly-diddles?” Bertney asked while trying not to look happy. Mr. David loved his doodly-diddles.
“No doodly-diddles,” Mr. David angrily. “And I paid your Papa good money.”
Bertney didn’t like the sound of that. But she did like the sound of the drive-thru window opening up for milkshakes! This was the bestest day ever.
“I love you, Smurkurr.”


Is Your Child Bored With Other Learning Books? Try Bertney Stories Today!

Photos: Splash News


  1. Now tell us one about Bertney and the Panty Crickets!

    • Randal

      Britney is smoking it behind the wheel, and I’ve got to give mad props to how she’s worked on her body, staying fit and cute through out, despite being American. Her continued determination to get back into form speaks volumes of her character, and who can resist those two cute little dimples?

      Love you, girl!


  2. The bad news is Bertney’s behind the wheel again.

    The good news is she’ll die in a fender bender inside that pop can of rolling death.

  3. Jeremy

    all u h8rz goona h8.
    britney is starting her comeback.
    her vegas concerts will change the universe.
    and all of u h8trz will be on ur knees.

  4. Britney Spears Belly Midriff Sweatpants David Lucado Smartcar
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ah am so smart! S-M-R-T!”

  5. I love these Bertney stories. Bertney is such an eternal optimist, they are excellent stories for children because they teach them how to look on the bright side of life.

  6. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing at “Smurkurr”

  7. I would love to see K-Fed try to fit himself into that thing. It would be like a clown car, only with one person.

  8. Britney Spears Belly Midriff Sweatpants Smartcar
    Commented on this photo:

    She sure look good, but can’t seem to get the tired out of her eyes. Too bad.

  9. I had a Smurkurr once. Now I have mixed feelings about it.

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