Bertney And The Baby Goose
by Shel Silverstein
Bertney liked being on radio shows. They always had her favorite candy while she waited. But Bertney didn’t like when her publicist made her remember answers while she was trying to eat her candy.
“These words don’t fit in my brain,” Bertney would say between bites of Skittles.
What Bertney did like was talking about her dreams. Sometimes she dreamt about seeing her old friends from the Mickey Mouse Club, like Ryan Gosling, and she couldn’t wait to tell everybody the next morning.
“Well, what did y’all do in your dreams?” Papa would always ask while pouring a bowl of Froot Loops. Bertney liked Froot Loops for breakfast.
“Just talk,” Bertney would answer. “Talk and talk and talk. Sometimes about ice cream!”
But these radio hosts didn’t want to talk about dreams. They just wanted to talk about a sex movie. Bertney didn’t like sex movies, but she did like James Franco. Bertney had no idea who he was, but his name was fun to say.
“Who do you think should be in Fifty Shades of Grey?” the host asked.
“James Franco!” Bertney squealed. “James Franco James Franco James Franco!”
The hosts started to make a frowny face, but Bertney didn’t know what was wrong. Suddenly, Papa came in the room with lollipops, and everything was all better again. Bertney loved lollipops.