Bertney And The Pew-Pew Laser Pee-Pee

December 30th, 2013 // 35 Comments

Bertney And The Pew-Pew Laser Pee-Pee
By Dr. Seuss

Bertney loved performing, but it always made her so nervous. Thankfully Papa gave her extra happy pills and promised to get her a puppy after every show. Bertney loved puppies.
As Bertney went on stage she tried to remember all the moves the cory-gopher told her, but all she could think about was that time she dipped her Furnch fries in a Frosty. It had seemed wrong to do at the time, but it tasted so good and she begged and begged Papa to take her to Wendy’s again.
“Bertney Jean,” Papa said. “You know they don’t have the Happy Meal toys you like.”
Papa was right. While Furnch fries dipped in Frosties were yummy, Wendy’s toys weren’t as good as McDonald’s. Also, their Chiggen Nuggets weren’t as crisp-
“OOF!”
One of Bertney’s dancers crashed into her! “Oh, no,” Bertney thought. “I was thinking about Furnch fries again! I’m never going to get a puppy now.”

Seeing the sad look on Bertney’s face, the dancer quickly grabbed the dancer closest to her and jumped off stage next to Justin Bieber. Soon, they all began kissing, and everyone in the audience forgot all about Bertney’s accident. This made her very happy.
After the show, Papa came into Bertney’s dressing room.
“Bertney Jean?” he said. “Can you tell me what went wrong tonight?”
“I thought about Furnch fries instead of dancing again…” she said with a sad voice.
“Was that a good thing to do?” Papa asked.
“No, Papa…” Bertney said.
“Well, don’t let it happen again,” he said. “Now close your eyes, I brought you something.”
“A puppy!” Bertney thought, but she didn’t say it out loud or Papa would know she already forgot everything he said. As she slowly reached out her hands, Bertney felt something cold brush against her fingers. Puppy’s have cold noses!
“Now open your eyes,” Papa said.
Bertney quickly opened her eyes and looked down to see.. ice cream? Bertney was happy because she did love ice cream, but she couldn’t help but feel disappointed.
“No puppy?” she asked.
“Not tonight, Bertney,” Papa said. “Maybe next time.”
“But, Papa, what y’all do with the one you had before the show?”
“Threw it in a lake.”
Then they both started laughing because puppies don’t know how to swim yet! Papa always did the funniest things.

The End.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News

superficial

  1. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    The camera adds 50 pounds.

  2. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    gary coleman's ghost
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone needs to lay off the furnch fries.

  3. unimate

    I’m pretty fond of women with pretty much those exact proportions, but there’s nothing sexy about denial.

  4. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    boamund
    Commented on this photo:

    well its actually good that her belly is hanging out like that . It’s sexier , real , so check it out its OK to eat yay

  5. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Do I want a piece of her? Sure, why not…she looks well marbled.

  6. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoever is manning the laser has his/her particular piece picked out already.

  7. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    She must be hungry given the way her ass seems to be devouring those shorts.

  8. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    “Bertney got Sunny D backstage! All right!”

  9. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Never having been a huge fan of Britney, I would say she looks like an attractive middle aged mom. Nothing wrong with that, I just don’t think its necessarily….. hot for a middle aged mom to dress in a nude body suit while being worshipped by the Evil Shark People of Prinopia.

    But that’s just me, I guess.

  10. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    derkler
    Commented on this photo:

    Furnch fry diet!

  11. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Gross

  12. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Papa better start rashn’ing her furnch fry intake or poor ol’ Bertney is going to look like that dang ol’ ex-husbin’ o’ hers, K-Fed. And with smaller tits.

  13. Jinks

    You people are all doorknobs. The picture of her with her stomach was most likely taken when she took a breath for 2 seconds. Stop motion photography is so unforgiving. So, she does really deserve that puppy!

  14. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Snooki go blonde?

  15. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Her handlers should be ashamed, but they are too busy rolling around in the money and don’t understand the concept of shame anyway.

  16. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    fuka
    Commented on this photo:

    still would

  17. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    renotastic
    Commented on this photo:

    Her handlers needed her to have actual handles.

  18. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m not ashamed to admit this: Nick Nolte can fucking GET IT!

  19. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    That harness is military grade.

  20. MrChips

    Elvis.

  21. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere, Lady Gaga is saying to herself “I was the FIRST pop star to have a penis lasered off!”

  22. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Oompa loompa!

  23. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG… It is really time for her to stop wearing the bodysuits.

  24. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Meh
    Commented on this photo:

    BS still looks hotter here with her gut out than anorexic Miley does with two lesbian backup dancers and a midget in tow and her asshole on full display.

  25. Jenn

    I seriously doubt Brit has the sense to dip her fries into her Frosty for the perfect blend of cold and hot, salty and sweet. Don’t hate, it’s delicious.

    That sparkly JLo jumpsuit ain’t doing her any favors.

  26. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    wow
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks so decadent in this pic.

  27. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Actually, her ass doesn’t look half bad there.

  28. Britney Spears Opening Night Piece Of Me Residency Show Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
    Prettypants
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m assuming this is how they taught her to perform. There’s a trainer with a bucket of fish just out of frame.

  29. Robb7

    How can someone with such limited talent as Bertney get to be used and abused by her family, friends and handlers, and who are the fools who actually pay to see this crap-ass show??!!!

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