Bertney’s Gon’ Be On TV, Y’All! And She Done Brought Her Britches

May 15th, 2012 // 51 Comments
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Proving his voluminous man-boobs possess a dark bitch-tit magic that can bend men’s minds to his will, Simon Cowell successfully talked Britney Spears‘ dad and her fiance into accepting $15 million that she’ll never see a dime of to be a judge on the second season of X-Factor along with Demi Lovato because who doesn’t want to try and break into the music business only to have your fate rest in the hands of a woman one step removed from Down’s syndrome and a cutter who’s not even old enough to drink but already has a coke problem? (Side Note: Now would be a good time to incorporate sharp objects and hand puppets into your act.) Anyway, here they all are at last night’s FOX Upfronts where Britney put everyone’s mind at ease by immediately flashing her nooner-covers at the paparazzi in exchange for one of them resting a McNugget on her nose. You can’t get a better omen than that.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Damn. Cowell looks like he’s hiding a banjo behind his back and is planning on looking for lost river rafters, soon as he’s done pimping this hillbilly for the teevee.

    • Smapdi

      Simon just got himself a passel of vittles, with all the fixins, from Britney’s catering table – hog jowls, possum stew, collard greens, skunk pie, pork rinds, tater tots (potatoes that look like children), and then a full mason jar of Smokey Mountain Soothing Syrup.

  2. EricLr

    $100 says that at least one contestant ends up with either vomit or chicken grease on them.

  3. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Another fantastically bad dress violates my eyeballs….keep ‘em coming.

  4. Dramatic Puddle

    Demi Lovato: Who? Does she still have a career?

    Britney Spears: Huh? This chick still needs to be supervised because she’s not competent to handle her own affairs. So how is she competent to judge or mentor others?

    Way to go, Simon Cowell. You’re gonna end up replacing these two just like you had to replace Paula and that Nicole whore. I keep reading how smart you are, and then see shit like this.

  5. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s Special Olympics dance night.

  6. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Commented on this photo:

    Upon hearing that Mayor Bloomberg had closed all the McDonalds outlets in New York for being too unhealthy.

  7. Stupid

    Just noticed with the zoom, Britney has some really ugly feet. Whatever happened to the good days when she was 18 & the hottest woman around.

  8. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    Jason Statham seems fine with it.

  9. BurritoSuffrage

    It’s down syndrome, not down’s, and whil all the posts on this site are always funny to me, commenting that she is one step away from down syndrome is then saying that its a genetic condition that she has had no control over and should feel sorry for her, instead of making fun of her. You would think I would be offended about the down syndrome comment since my son was born with down syndrome, but not really, just the fact that Britney spears is only 1 step away from it, i was hoping she was much lower

    • For the umpteenth time…

      It can be Down syndrome OR Down’s syndrome. Either is acceptable. And considering that it’s named after Dr. John Langdon Down, it actually makes more sense to say Down’s syndrome. We don’t say “Alzheimer disease” or “Kaposi sarcoma,” after all.

      • Frank Burns

        I’m hung like a horse, does that mean I have Churchill Downs Syndrome? Okay, I’m hung like a seahorse, but the same question applies, right?

    • Dramatic Puddle

      Where the hell did you come up with Down’s Syndrome, eh? No one with any credentials has ever made such a claim about Spears (and wouldn’t, given the privacy laws). I suspect the issue is she’s either just plain stupid, several bricks shy of a load, or both. Let’s not water down Down’s Syndrome by using it to give idiots a crutch, shall we? It’s like saying every person on the planet who doesn’t pay attention has some form of ADHD. Or anti-social types have Asperger’s. Britney Spears is a dumb, crazy chick. Down’s Syndrome my backside.

  10. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Commented on this photo:

    Grease fire?

  11. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    LegMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty bad when the girls look like they can squat more than the guy.

  12. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    penelope
    Commented on this photo:

    bad photoshop

  13. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Albert Gore
    Commented on this photo:

    In ancient Mesapotamia this was used to unsay gay men

  14. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet they’re sharing tips about showing off cleavage.

  15. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Misana
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks all right. Good for her.

  16. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Misana
    Commented on this photo:

    Coco Austin.

  17. Jack Ketch

    Holy Moly, Simon !! Botox much ?? Wowza …

  18. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    guttboy
    Commented on this photo:

    I know you want to…but for God’s sake don’t do it Simon. Just how many Women do you have to sleep with to keep your ego from devouring itself?

  19. El Jefe

    A cokehead no hit wonder who dates washed up pedophiles and a psycho singer whose whole career is based on auto-tune, yeah, what could go wrong with that? How the fuck are you going to have credibility with these two as judges?

    No wonder X Factor is tanking with Simon making decisions like this. I stopped watching American Idol after they added Jlo, I sure as shit won’t watch X Factor with these two on it, that is for sure.

  20. cc

    Her bank statement says ‘rich’. Everything else says ‘wafflehouse waitress’.

  21. VV

    Bertney? Oh my god I can’t stop laughing. Why the hell hasn’t anyone called her this before and how has it not stuck????

  22. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Commented on this photo:

    Jason: “I know that 20 piece Chicken McNuggets in here”
    Britney: “*drool*”

  23. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Dodadoodoo
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘I don’t know what to do with my hands!’

  24. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Randi
    Commented on this photo:

    Demi Lovato is so cute.. She needs to stop wearing so much makeup!

  25. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Randi
    Commented on this photo:

    Again.. So. Much. Makeup.

  26. Gayblade & Slingblade!

  27. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    lolaloa
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow she looks very pretty. I’m glad she’s alright now. keep work it brit ;)

  28. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Racer X
    Commented on this photo:

    Those thighs. :)

  29. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    vgirl
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s in her 20′s and her cellulite is looking like that? God bless her when she reaches her mid 30′s.

  30. lkl

    I think Simon has finally lost his magic, Britney Spears was never even an average singer. Can’t wait to watch someone with no talent judge real talent.

  31. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    Commented on this photo:

    this is FAKE, pure photosop u bitches

  32. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    DKK
    Commented on this photo:

    Very nice.

  33. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    DKK
    Commented on this photo:

    Very nice.

  34. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    DKK
    Commented on this photo:

    Britney looks hot!

  35. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    DKK
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks beautiful.

  36. Britney Spears Cleavage Legs Tight Dress Demi Lovato Simon Cowell FOX Upfront
    DKK
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. She looks gorgeous!

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