Britney Spears Has a New Video

February 18th, 2011 // 163 Comments

The video for Britney Spears‘ new single “Hold It Against Me” was released last night, and it’s interesting only in the fact that thousands of quick-cuts and camera angles still can’t sell Britney Spears being capable of choreographed dance moves anymore. If you watch this thing – And Christ be with you. – notice how she barely moves and just puts her hands up while dancers dance around her. When it comes time for the big number at the end, she’ll just sort of move to the side and then they’ll quickly cut away so you don’t know if she saw a donut box, or they just tossed her up there and assumed random chance dictates she’ll turn in the right direction in at least one shot. (She doesn’t.) Oh, and also the Britney versus Britney fight? If you think she did any of those moves herself, the government should be allowed to sterilize you. I think that’s a fair test from here on out. “There’s two Britney’s there, y’all. She can fight! Damn! Why you pokin’ me with those needles? Why my umerus all fallin’ out? Aw, shit, free Slim Jims? WHOO-EEE!”

superficial

  1. Jesus

    Did anyone else pick up on the terrible pick-up lines in the lyrics?

    You feel like paradise…. and I need a vacation tonight.

    If I said I want your body… would you hold it against me?

    Wow, I think EVERY aspect of this song/video is bad. It’s embarrassing.

  2. colin

    You guys are all pathetic haters.
    She looks great, the video was not stretched.

    You all need to get with the present. It’s not 2007 anymore. Britney has turned her life around, and is back to being a good role model.

  3. HannahBanana

    I’m completely confused. What’s the deal with the meteorite? Is she some space alien who wants my body as a host? I feel like they’re just using fancy effects to make up for the fact that she REALLY needs hardcore therapy and to not be working for several years.

  4. Rufus The Cat

    How honest of them to start the video with Britney’s Crash and burn, followed by her handlers wedging her into pants praying for another pay day.

  5. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    Annie
    Commented on this photo:

    yum

  6. Awesome 'Possum

    I still can’t believe what a load of crap this video is. It’s so boring and pointless, not to mention the song itself sucks. I think Britney actually died a few years ago after her meltdown, and they replaced her with a robot. It’s kind of like season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except not as good. The lights are on, but no one is home.

  7. Sarah

    This video was like “Black Swan.” It made hardly any sense, the costumes were black and white; the only difference is I think in the end the “black swan” ate the “white swan.”

  8. me

    who sings like that? What 29 year old woman sounds like a 7 year old and sticks her tongue all the way out of her mouth when she sings a word with an L in it??????????

  9. kpatra

    just awful.

  10. elm

    that was the worst britney video EVER – who on her team thought this was a good idea? even though she can’t sing, she was always about her image and performance and had really good music videos. I was hoping for something decent but this is embarrassing….

  11. Heyzeus Hosay

    so sad

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