Britney Spears Has a New Video

February 18th, 2011 // 163 Comments

The video for Britney Spears‘ new single “Hold It Against Me” was released last night, and it’s interesting only in the fact that thousands of quick-cuts and camera angles still can’t sell Britney Spears being capable of choreographed dance moves anymore. If you watch this thing – And Christ be with you. – notice how she barely moves and just puts her hands up while dancers dance around her. When it comes time for the big number at the end, she’ll just sort of move to the side and then they’ll quickly cut away so you don’t know if she saw a donut box, or they just tossed her up there and assumed random chance dictates she’ll turn in the right direction in at least one shot. (She doesn’t.) Oh, and also the Britney versus Britney fight? If you think she did any of those moves herself, the government should be allowed to sterilize you. I think that’s a fair test from here on out. “There’s two Britney’s there, y’all. She can fight! Damn! Why you pokin’ me with those needles? Why my umerus all fallin’ out? Aw, shit, free Slim Jims? WHOO-EEE!”

superficial

  1. Liz

    I really liked the video. Now, I have to leave. I’m going to put on some Radiance perfume, do my face up with Forever Make-Up, then go to plentyoffish.com on my Sony computer. Then, after everyone rejects me, I’ll change into my wedding gown and lock myself in my techno chamber, just like Jennifer Love Hewitt does when her loneliness starts to crush her.

    • Average Woman

      AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!! I’m getting over bronchitis and almost died laughing at this comment. Thanks.

  2. linda19

    we all know what britney really looks like now (http://www.thesuperficial.com/they-tryin-ta-shake-down-britnay-11-2010/1102-britney-spears-04)…you can’t trick us anymore

  3. babooda

    I’m wondering how many miles of underwiring are in that white dress bodice to make her saggy ass tits look all round like that!

  4. -sunnirae-

    That.
    Was.
    Terrible.

  5. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    Lola
    Commented on this photo:

    wow

  6. Alex

    I can’t fight the feeling I need a new computer *twitch* a Sony, maybe? Am I dissatisfied in my current relationship *eyes go blank* yes, yes I am, I should try Plenty of Fish. I disgust myself reeking of *blech* freshly showered woman… i know, yes, I know, must spray Radiance. Must smell of truck stop urinal cakes and bacon grease.

    I would have hated the video if I were more amenable to product placement, but not me, noooo siree, not me.

  7. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    Señor Pedro
    Commented on this photo:

    hahahaha an official Britney Upskirt!!!! she has definitely patented that shit. Suck it Paris!

  8. Mutt

    Wait wait wait. Are they really trying to pass off one of the worst pickup lines ever, second only to, “Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I see myself in your pants.”, as a song???

    GTFO.

  9. castallare

    So how long after someone’s mental breakdown are we supposed to wait before we tell said person that everything they’re putting out now is just shit? What’s the etiquette on that?

  10. Frobz

    She may suck musically and not be able to “dance” (who really fucking cares?), but as long as she has that fan-fucking-tastic ass, I’ll still be glad to see her. Or more specifically, that ass.

    Anal Porn, Brit. I guarantee you’d make more money than you ever did lip-synching (oops, I mean “singing”).

    • bitingontinfoil

      …& I’m sure she has the “sour cream” to go with her cottage cheese ass!

    • The Original Shawn

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that. She’s not too bright and her singing sucks, but she’s had a awesome caboose for a while now, ever since those Costa Rica vacation pics. Just enough meat on it to give it some shape without being flabby or comically “ghetto booty.” It’s a perfect medium between bony model and Kardashian. Special hanks to The Fish for pic #9. I’d tap her from behind until I needed to be hooked up to I.V. fluids.

  11. howunoriginalcanshebe

    Am I the only one who noticed that she stole this song from some old country song, just like she stole If You Seek Amy?

  12. Dubstep died when she released her new song. Well, it was already a little dead to begin with. Dubstep is the music genre that rapes all others. This song, rapes dubstep.

  13. lousy video. she a trying to rip off either Madonna or Lady Gaga in the visual. and failed miserably at it.

  14. dontlooknow

    Same whore, different day….

  15. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    Jean
    Commented on this photo:

    new boobs

  16. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    Cardinal Fang
    Commented on this photo:

    Very outer edge nip slip areola crinkle on the left side? Or are her nipples much lower?

  17. sara

    Holy crap. When was Stanley Kubrick cool again??? – and why can’t hot girls just be hot and dance hot – and WHAT is up with those spiked eyelashes and the people dancing in her dress??? Thanks Lady Gaga for inspiring all the copy cat pop stars with no brains to ruin music videos for most people. LAME. “A long, long time ago. I can still remember how music videos used to make me smile….”

    • alex

      Uh lady gaga was “inspired” (created) by madonna’s team. If you look through madonna’s music videos, you will see she was the original lady gaga.

  18. Great song writing, Was “Are You Tired Because You’ve Been Running Through My Mind All Night” taken?

  19. It’s probably a bad idea to have a video with so many quick clips when your music already tends to cause seizures.

  20. Stevie

    WTF peice of crap did I just watch? Song is trash, video is a plethera of confusing BS and she looks like hell. Way to go Brit, nice “comeback”, again.

    -_-

  21. Somedude

    I REALLY miss the old Briteny :_(

  22. somerandomchic

    Dude you are on a roll, lmao.

    But correcting your southern a little, it should be: “Why you pokin’ me with (them or them-thar) needles? I’m fluent in several dialects of redneck.

  23. dshel

    love her and love the video…. the song is amazing as well dubsteppppp

  24. michelle k

    you all are haters, thats why she is making bank and you guys arent esssshhhh

  25. KumaTenshi

    What…..the……hell……was that??? What idiotic imbecile actually gets paid to make these stupid ass music videos up??

    “Yes, we’ll have britney in a wedding dress going up and down an electronic shaft (lol), and then we’ll suddenly have her shooting brightly colored paint over everything! And don’t forget PRODUCT PLACEMENT!!”

    On that note, I lost some respect for Sony for allowing their stuff to be in this video.

  26. Wotwot

    How fat is her neck!? No, really, watch it again.

  27. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    silvercat
    Commented on this photo:

    You know that when we die — we become them. You think we hide behind walls to protect us from the walking dead.l Don’t you get it? We ARE the walking dead….

  28. Boodiba

    I like the song AND video.

  29. Nik

    loving the fight scene

  30. pixel

    I got to 0:20 in the video, and then I burned my eyes out and buried them

  31. coocoo

    WORST.SONG.EVER.

  32. alex

    Typical music these days: a voice so auto-tuned you can’t tell it’s human saying something about wanting people’s bodies repeated again and again to repetitive, unoriginal beats. Who listens to this shit holy shit. This is worse than that rap music guys blast with their car windows down at my school all day because they want us all to know they identify with the ghetto culture.

  33. Leroy

    She was hottest after her breakup with JT. Really a sexy party girl. Then she met K-FED.

    I would have loved to cheat on her with Alicia Silverstone

  34. Dharmadog

    I TRIED to watch it…really, I did….but the song isn’t great and the video looks like a bunch of images strung together by a tired person who has run put of ideas…..

  35. Jennyjenjen

    No amount of makeup can erase the mongoloid in her eyes.

  36. Couldn’t watch it all. Entirely too spastic with all the camera cuts… blargh. DEFINITELY do not watch it if you have a hangover :P

  37. Aldd

    Product placement, anybody?

  38. T

    What’s with all the Plenty of Fish placements in new videos. Like it all started with Gaga on “Telephone.” now it’s in like a bunch.

  39. LL

    OK OK this video was a bit lazy physically on Miss Spear’s part, BUT I see where she’s going with this.

    Lets be real, Brit’s not a “teen pop queen” anymore but she is a staple in our pop-culture. She has to still make a come back from time to time and honestly I think this was a good effort in her establishing herself as a “pop-era-comeback” with a bit of a Lady Gaga / Cher dance music vibe inspiration.

    As a young woman who’s just living life and dealing with certain relationships with men (and I live in Los Angeles, so the dating scene here is as extreme as it gets with men being far more scandelous and slutty than women) I can relate to the lyrics of this song and I feel like Brit is sincere about the message that’s being conveyed.

    Brits been through hell and back again and considering that fact – I think she looks great in this video and will make a comeback unlike many predict in the next couple of years.

  40. Kiroux

    I feel raped by a capitalist agenda after watching that video. And she looks so … old. Stop while you’re ahead Brit-Brit.

  41. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    Amazing Larry
    Commented on this photo:

    WOW she’s got an amazing ASS!

  42. Kyle Butler

    You HAD to watch it! It was for journalistic integrity.
    – If you had to watch it to get us that synopsis, you really haven’t learned anything from this Eating Machine.

  43. g-me

    is it just me or the first time she sings the chorus does she say: “if i said i want a chapatti now, would you hold it against me?”

  44. barbflatt

    Good god, did they pay for this thing with product placement or something? Besides the fact that the song is atrocious, she has completely lost any charisma or star power she ever had.

  45. nemesis

    It isn’t that bad She looks pretty I would expect more dancing and less effects though It is ok

  46. headahb

    If I told you I wanted your body, would you hold it against me?
    Every line in this craptasic video is a weak pickup line from the 40 year old’s guide to picking up high school chicks.

  47. reading is sexy

    Huh. More cuts that Requiem for a Dream.

    I wish you’d show the uncensored version, the one where she goes ass to ass.

  48. Krystle

    at least she didn’t advertise the people who do her extensions

  49. lilly

    WTF?

    this sounds like a swedish euro pop in ’96… disaster… and agree that she has that psyho look in her eyes… and she needs a makeover so so so hard!

  50. Britney Spears Hold It Against Me
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    damn…. f’ me boots can work wonders…..even make trailer trash look good

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