Britney Spears is Dancing Again

Presumably because Kevin Federline has another mouth to feed, Britney Spears gave two “surprise performances” in San Francisco and Vegas this weekend even though any stage show where she doesn’t magically produce a Chalupa from her leotard constitutes a surprise for me. That said, anyone who wants to say Britney’s shows don’t inspire deep, emotional soul-searching, needs to take a look at this dancer’s face because never before has a gay man so feverishly wished his parents beat him with a belt and shipped him off to a Christian re-education camp instead of lovingly accepting him and encouraging his dreams. “I could’ve been one of those overweight white guys who tucks his polo shirt into his shorts and compensates for a small penis with detailed fantasies of shooting a home intruder with my questionably large gun collection. Goddammit, mom and dad…”

Photos: Fame, Getty, Splash News