Bertney And The Boobies

October 17th, 2013 // 28 Comments

Bertney And The Boobies
by A.A. Milne

Bertney knew she had promised her papa to let people look at her boobies if she got to ride the double bus like a big girl, but it still didn’t make Bertney feel good inside.
“Lettin’ people see my nippler buttons makes me feel icky in mah belly,” Caillou Bertney had said to papa with a sad face. “Sometimes I fink I’ll never be a good girl again.”
“Cheer up, Bertney,” papa said. “This is how we get money for McDonald’s. You like McDonald’s, don’t you?”
Bertney shook her head yes. McDonald’s is her favorite! Maybe showing her boobies won’t be so bad after all.
“Now go on out there and let the people have a look at you with their picture boxes,” papa said while giving Bertney a big hug. “And smile for the lights!”
Bertney couldn’t wait to make more money for McDonald’s. “Papas always make everything better,” she thought with a smile.

The End

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN


  1. EricLR

    I find this internal dialogue unlikely. No way would she prefer McDonalds over KFC.

  2. Britney Spears Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The bald guy probably killed terrorists with his bare hands while in the Special Forces….now he makes sure this birdbrain does what she’s told.
    The pay is probably a lot better.

  3. The little story reminds me I possess empathy and takes all the fun out of it.

  4. Britney Spears Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    I would do her just once. Crazy might be fun.

    • EricLR

      Banging crazy: fun

      Sleeping next to crazy: No so fun

      (The trick is to jump out the window when she goes to the bathroom)

  5. Dox

    So after reading all of that…. what I got out of it, is…

    It is completely impossible to shake your head yes. I have tried for over twenty minutes now…. it doesn’t work. I realize this is prose as is evident in the flowing verse, that uses such delicate metaphor’s to paint a literary picture of such a delicate moment.

    However, I still cannot shake my head yes.
    No matter how hard I try.

  6. “Caillou”… lol.

  7. Cute story, but where are her nippler buttons?

  8. Jenn

    I’d think it would be Popeye’s.

  9. Ha ha, this dialogue is freaking hilarious.

  10. Nobody tells a story like you do, Fish.

  11. gmrjr59

    I have to say what is the deal with the joy of poking fun at Britney Spears? The fact that everyone gets so much pleasure out of it shows everyone has mental problems of their own. She looks good, her boys seem well adjusted, and she more money than most of us will ever see. Not to mention that she was never a flash in the pan everyone thought she was going to be. Time to leave her and move on to someone who actually deserves ridicule.

  12. Noelle

    That’s just unfair and horrible.

  13. Britney Spears Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    To tot ally’s steal a line, I would bang the crazy right outta her. Nice Tits.

  14. Britney’s a doll. I’ve always had a “thing” for her and probably always will. Yeah, we poke fun at her because she is so easy to poke fun at, but there are a bunch of us who, if she asked us to, would run away to Mexico with her. As long as she picks up the tab.

  15. captaintighpants

    The Caillou reference made me sad. Please don’t associate someone with the intellect of a 3 year old and that cute little guy!

  16. KandthenOandthenZ

    I’m going to call you out: it’s “nodded” her head” not “shook”

    Only because I know you can take it and your an awesome writer!

    • KandthenOandthenZ

      OMG, I totally deserve to have written your instead of you’re…this is what I get for calling you out. AAH Karma, why are so damn fast??

  17. ace11

    This chick is bat s**t crazy

    But those boobs are nice

  18. Bob

    I desperately need more Bertney stories!

  19. Britney Spears Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Agreed. I’d definitely bang her at least once. I’d like to suck on her tits and pound her in the ass.

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