Bertney’s Fancy Night Out

Bertney’s Fancy Night Out
A Making Etiquette Fun Read-venture!

Bertney was very excited to wear a fancy dress and to get to leave the house. Mr. Charlie was picking her up and taking her to walk on a red carpet. Bertney had never seen a red carpet before. She had colored all over the kitchen floor with red marker one time, but she didn’t think that was the same.
Soon, Mr. Charlie arrived, and he gave Papa big stacks of paper money. Bertney wished he brought coins because they were much more fun, and she could put some in her piggy bank to buy ice cream later. So she sat patiently on the steps and waited for Papa to finish telling Mr. Charlie the rules.
“First, no McDonald’s until after the show.” Bertney frowned.
“Second, go easy on the cameras. She spooks easily.” Bertney didn’t know what that meant.
“Third, make sure to dose her as soon as she’s done performing, or she’s likely to buck you and run off.” Bertney wondered what ants talk about.
And just like that, they were off! Mr. Charlie drove a super fast car, and it didn’t even have a roof. Bertney loved how her hair blew in the wind, and she could smell Furnch fries from every direction. Bertney wished her house didn’t have a roof on it either and started thinking really hard about where Papa hides his tools. She wasn’t allowed to play with them anymore on account of the day she tried to turn the steps into a slide. Papa was so angry, but Bertney kept telling him Jayden’s arm would grow back. Her salamander does it all the time!
Mr. Charlie and Bertney arrived to the theater, and soon, Bertney was on the red carpet. It was so much fun! Somehow everybody knew her name, and she waved and waved and waved until she couldn’t wave anymore. But then a lady named Ms. Iggy came up to talk to Bertney, and Bertney had no idea who she was.
“Stranger danger!” Bertney thought. She’d have to act quickly.
Punch one: Eliminate the threat.
Punch two: Render ally inert. Sling over shoulder.
Punches three to 27: Move through crowd quickly.
It was nightfall by the time Bertney made it to the desert. But was she safe? She sat Mr. Charlie on the ground and slapped him awake.
“Mr. Charlie! Mr. Charlie, wake up! I’m scared! And I think I heard a coyote.”
“What? Where am I?” Mr. Charlie didn’t look so good. Bertney had punched him pretty hard in the throat. And then a few more times on the way here because she thought he was trying to touch her special place. Also, she’s pretty sure he hit his head when she dropped him outside that McDonald’s, and then again in the playroom. Bertney had no idea how she was remembering any of this. Was it because she hadn’t had her medicine in a while? And, wait a minute, isn’t she a super rich millionaire pop sta-
JAB! Mr. Charlie was fast with a needle. Too fast. But suddenly none of that mattered to Bertney.
“I LIKE ICE CREAM AND FURNCHER FRIES AND YOU CAN DONE TOUCH MY HOOTER-WOBBLE IF YOU GIVE MY PAPA’S MONEY. WOW, ARE WE IN A GIANT SANDBOX? I’MMA MAKE A SAND CASTLE AND ‘TEND I’M A PRINCESS! WHOOPEE!”

The End.

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Photos: AKM-GSI, Getty