Bristol Palin NOT getting gift from Jamie Lynn :(

It turns out Lynne Spears did not send Bristol Palin $60 pink burpcloths on behalf of Jamie Lynn. I don’t see why Lynne bothered denying the report because even a cynical bastard like myself thought it was a nice gesture. Until I remembered I have a penis then went around punching everyone within eyesight in the face. TOUGH GUY! E! News reports:

“I just got off the phone with Lynne. I can tell you that she hasn’t sent her any gifts, but that she does support Sarah and, of course, can empathize with their situation,” Curt Handling, Spears’ publicist at the Thomas Nelson publishing company, tells E! News.

It’s a damn shame. No fancy burpcloths for America’s favorite politically-polarizing pregnant teen. I guess Bristol Palin will have to wipe her baby’s spit the old fashioned way: With moose antlers or the hull of an oil tanker.