Bristol Palin to Margaret Cho: ‘Have You Met My Ghostwriter?’

December 6th, 2010 // 73 Comments

Seen here demonstrating how this entire mess could’ve been avoided in the first place, Bristol Palin fired back at Margaret Cho‘s claim that Sarah Palin forced her daughter to appear on Dancing With The Stars to make up for getting pregnant during the 2008 election. And by Bristol Palin I mean her mom’s ghostwriter who wrote the following 8,000 word essay on Facebook:

I met so many interesting people on Dancing With The Stars. It was an incredible experience that I will cherish the rest of my life. I have explained my own motivations for accepting the invitation to dance, which included the simple fact that I was ready to get out of my comfort zone and try something new and challenging. I thought dancing would also be a great way to exercise–and it was. I thought it would boost my confidence–and it did. Notably absent from this calculus were political considerations. You want to talk politics, talk to my mom. You want to talk rumba, waltz and the beautiful Spanish paso doble, I’m your girl (but if you want to talk to the expert, call Mark).
So with this in mind I was somewhat taken aback to read about me in a blog by my friend and fellow contestant, Margaret Cho. In a post she called “Pistol Whipped” she wrote that “the only reason Bristol was on the show was because Sarah Palin forced her to do it. Sarah supposedly blames Bristol harshly and openly . . . for not winning the election,and so she told Bristol she “owed” it to her to do DWTS . . . .” Let me shamelessly steal from Saturday Night Live: “Really, Margaret? Really?”
I will give my friend credit for creativity, and extra points for getting so many “facts” wrong in so few sentences. Let me be blunt: my mom did not “force” me to go on DWTS. She did not ask me either. The show approached me. I thought about it. I made the decision. After first worrying for me in terms of being exposed to those who hate us for what we believe in, both my mom and my dad became my number one supporters. Anyone who watched the show could tell I performed better, and I felt better about myself, when they were in the audience. I wanted to make them both proud, but politics had nothing to do with it. Loving my parents had everything to do with it.
It saddens me that people would think that my mom would “blame” me for anything that occurred in the 2008 election–much less “harshly” and “openly.” I think that canard (there, I said it again), has been floating around since then also. I will set the record straight, though my mom already did in her bestselling book “Going Rogue”; there were a number of reasons President Obama won in 2008, but the primary reason was that the economy was starting to falter and the majority of voters thought Obama could do a better job than my mom and John McCain. It turns out, two years later, the majority of voters were wrong, but we can talk about that another time. The point is, I seriously doubt anyone who considers herself a student of American politics truly believes I impacted even one vote in that election.
There you have it. Why do I want to set the record straight? Because it is this type of hurtful and false narrative that people promote to make my mom look bad. For 20 years my mom had my back–and for the rest of my life I will have hers.
To my friend Margaret Cho, if you ever have a question, call me girlfriend. Don’t ever rely on “sources” who claim to know me or my family. You will be taken every time. And we need to talk. You say you “don’t agree with the family’s politics at all” but I say, if you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.
P.S. If you want to baby-sit Tripp, I could use a night off.
Bristol Palin

Haha! Lesbians like KD Lang.

But, seriously, if this screed proves anything, it’s that the Palins are in constant campaign mode for 2012 and, thankfully, haven’t learn that every time they refuse to let a story whiz by, they look like assholes. (Faggot-gate, anyone?) Honestly, even I didn’t believe Bristol was forced to do the show for political reasons – I just assumed money. – until I read this entire thing and had to drink myself back from the brink of dumb. I mean, Christ, it was practically a campaign speech. Jabs at Obama, folksy jokes, use of the word “canard” to make it look like her earlier note about Keith Olbermann wasn’t written by a ghostwriter, and probably most glaring, Bristol’s first and primary concern was worrying about being exposed to the “haters” trying to stop her mom from saving America with a bowl full of buckshot and moose chili. Not, oh I dunno, “who’s going to take care of my kid?” I just assumed that’d be a “commonsense” single-mom’s primary concern, but then again, I also think women crush shoes into fuel and that’s why they need them so badly.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. rican

    Snooki without a tan!

    • Doc Scweinstrudel

      Snookie? no ways (too white) I’d rather say she’s looking like she is a long lonst fourth Kardashians’ sister. Back in their childhood days :”Yeah we are quadruplets, I just went to pee in the bush”.

    • rican

      Doc, what are you, a doctor in moronics?

      • Doc Schweinstrudel

        yes. moronics it is your mom who was my professor at college.
        snookie is dark by herself as she is not even of italian descent, so tan has very little to do with her skin colour
        Dig?

    • To paraphrase a comment from last week: Snooki B. Palin.

      • rican

        Wow doc, you really aced that moronics degree!! You must also be german as your sense of humor is deficient.

  2. Dr. Orangejuice

    I would fuck this girl, but not before taping her mouth shut. She sounds annoying.

    • Naked Chicks Rule

      Dude, if you’re that hard up, just tape a picture of Bristol to a bean bag chair and hump that. It’s essentially the same thing.

  3. FattyFatty2X4

    This woman needs to have a blow up doll.
    Cock and Balls wud fit nicely.

  4. J

    me thinks fish has a bit of an infatuation with bristol……

  5. JesseJimmy

    Two specific reasons this wasn’t written by Bristol:

    1. She has no idea what canard means, much less how to spell it.

    2. She needs a night off from watching Tripp? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. That’s a funny one. Yes, I’m sure she’s taking care of that baby day and night. . .

    • See Alice

      Your Point ?
      Canard may refer to:
      Canard (aeronautics), flight control surface
      Canard, Nova Scotia, Canada group of settlements
      Canard, duck (in French)
      An unfounded or false, deliberately misleading fabrication, a false report, rumour or hoax.

      • Heyzeus Hosay

        LOL…someone else had to look canard up! Jeeze, you coulda at least switched the Google search findings around a bit… plagiarize much?

  6. Actually as much as I cannot stand teh Palin’s I agree with Bristol on this one. She probably did Dancing With the Stars without her mom forcing her or advising her. If it were up to her mom Bristol would have done the Bassmaster Championship instead.

    As for the rant and the political angle, no doubt Bristol along with the rest of the family are campaigning for momma bear unofficially. Heck Palin has her own reality TV show that tries to make her seem less insanely inept, so it doesn’t surprise me to see her spew off politically. No real story here.

  7. m

    their incessant need to respond to every ridiculous thing written or said about them really does make the family look more ridiculous. and i understand the 19 year old kid using blogs and facebook to do her grandstanding, but the supposed adult should probably stop using a facebook page as a political tool. just makes her look that much less mature and capable of holding any political office.

    p.s. i wish i could crush my shoes into fuel…

  8. Feminist Blogger

    Why does everyone bring up K.D. Lang and the Indigo Girls when they’re making fun of lesbians? That’s so dated! I don’t reference Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey when I’m making fun of straight people.

  9. dude

    There once was a man named Randal,
    stole our hearts with his prose like a Vandal,
    Now impostors arise
    Our collective heart sighs,
    Cuz to him, they don’t hold a candle.

  10. Britsol Palin’s cockholster is malfunctioning again.

    • sharon H

      You beat me to it. If that isn’t a blowjob face I don’t know what is. Hey, she is 19, legal in this country although, heaven forbid, she drink a beer. She is a mother although I don’t have any idea when she takes care of her kid and she is fair game. Her mother, who supposedly quit as governor of Alaska because her kids needed her, is also never just home taking care of her kids. That make believe reality show they have should be called “White Trash coming soon to a book signing near you not that any of us could write a book and we are not campaigning for the presidency.” Yeah, right.

  11. GamerEdie

    I wasn’t aware you could fit 8,000 words into 15 minutes…

  12. Bristol Palin
    Commented on this photo:

    >the last thing a bearclaw sees

  13. S'up Bitches

    “canar”d and ‘calculus”? You would thnk with a vocabulary iike that, she would be a little more adept at keeping those heifer thighs closed. Of course she had a ghost writer. Did she even graduatie from high school, or was there a GED involved? It is, however, official. This kid is open season. She’s old enough to know if she insists on putting her big old moon pie face in the media all the time, there is going to be a backlash.

  14. Fartblossum

    she got a butt face

  15. Average Joe

    Hey Superficial, your lefty politics is showing.

  16. Lady Blah Blah

    I’m no fan of the Palins, but Margaret Cho is a butthead. She’s one of the many celebrities who think the world needs their strongly expressed opinions on issues they don’t understand (e.g., her rabid defense of the killers known as “the West Memphis Three”). Her comedy shtick sucks too, depending as it does on crudity.

    • Lady I agree, Margaret Cho wasn’t funny when she first somehow appeared on the scene and she’s even less funny now. We get it, you are Korean and your parents have an accent and talk funny. Get over it. They aren’t the reason why you are fat and untalented. Well, not totally the reason although genetics do play a role in Cho’s weight issues. She’s a fat Korean Kathy Griffen, meaning she isn’t funny or interesting or relevant.

    • Charlotte Corday

      Yeah, it’s not as if actual journalists and scholars questioned the findings of Memphis Three.

      Was going to defend Chubs Palin then I remembered most of her supporters can’t read..

      • Lady Blah Blah

        Regarding Cho on the WM3, it’s one thing for a scholar and/or journalist who seeks the truth and is not coming from an agenda (pro of anti capital punishment, for example) to study the case and come to a conclusion based on the facts. It is another thing entirely to do what Cho has obviously done (I’ve read her writings on the case including her forward to Echols’ book), which is get on a PC bandwagon and speak as if she knows THE TRUTH when she is barely reasoning at all but is instead letting her emotions do her thinking in a situation that calls for rigorous thinking. (I can live with Henry Rollins, who admits that they may be guilty but he supports them because he doesn’t think they got fair trial. I can’t live with the idiots who are convinced beyond all possible doubt that they “didn’t do it,” which is a separate issue of how fairly they were tried.)

  17. See Alice

    My question is .
    Who the F is a Margaret Cho ?

    • McFeely Smackup

      Margaret Cho was a female comedian back in the 80′s whose entire bit was based on having Korean parents. After that wasn’t funny any more, she shifted to being an out lesbian comic (to nobodies surprise), and when that wasn’t funny either, she just got really fat.

    • grace

      Bravo

  18. McFeely Smackup

    Jesus, you people and your fascination with the Palins is getting old..

    She’s a kid who gets media scrutiny over every word she puts in a tweet, and you people act like it’s a shock bordering on Tuskegee that she might use a professional to draft her response to Margaret Cho.

    To suggest she should have just ignored it is childishly transparent. If she ignored it, the Palin haters would have said “its’ obviously true because she didn’t deny it”, but she does respond and all you have to say is “it doesn’t sound like she wrote it”.

    Jesus, just let it go. If you hate the palins so much, then fucking ignore them and stop dragging them back into the press.

    • Sugar

      She could have done an interview, since she’s such an in demand top tier celebrity now. And she didn’t write it.

      • McFeely Smackup

        I doubt she wrote it…hell, after the “fag” fallout, I think it would show extremely GOOD judgment for her to have a writing/proofreading team.

        More than anything, I wish we’d just stop paying attention to her and glorifying underage white trash breeders.

    • horn dog

      @McFeely Right on, brah

  19. Bristol Palin looks like an overweight lesbian Asian comedian whose name rhymes with ‘dough’. I wonder if they know each other.

  20. UY

    “…if you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you…”

    “Individuals” – hah! Not “couples!” See what she did there?

  21. RoboZombie

    Fat, dumb and ugly is how she’ll go through life.

  22. abz

    margaret cho: dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb

    Bristol Palin: dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

  23. Melissa

    People only give a fuck about these assholes because they’re shoved in our faces all the god damn time. There are too many sheep-minded dumb fucks watching force-fed television. I seriously hope people remember Sarah saying something to the effect that she’d rather be out in the wilderness than in “some stuffy political office” during an episode of her pathetic “reality” show. I think it’s hilarious that they used that in all the trailers. Fuck this entire family.

    • McFeely Smackup

      Actually, if you watch the TV show, it’s far, FAR superior to 99% of the reality TV crap that’s out there now, mostly because Alaska looks pretty good in HD.

      If I were King, reality TV would carry the death penalty, with pardons to be handed out in extremely limited cases by only myself. Also, fat chicks would be prohibited to…ah fuck it, fat chicks are just prohibited. And any hipster douchebag driving a hybrid is legal to punch in the face if he looks too smug.

      basically, if I were king, tyranny would reign. sweet, juicy tyranny…

  24. Fish's Daddy

    I am very upset that you posted this. As your father, and a preacher, you know this kind of thing really gets under my skin. But, I still love you and always will. I wish you would stop hating me and just come over for a hug and a grilled cheese sandwich with the crusts cut off – your favorite.

  25. Bristol Palin
    horn dog
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t care what you fucks say…that is TASTY.

  26. grace

    When will this little overstuffed cabbge patch doll go away. Oh wait, she had a baby at 17, quite an accomplishment.

  27. Funeral Guy

    If she can open her mouth just a little wider my cock would just about fit in there.

  28. Bristol Palin
    Jackie
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s photobombing herself.

  29. jojo

    “..some folks’ll never lose a toe but some folks’ll…”

  30. J.P.

    I thought the whole point of a “ghost” writer was NOT to make it look like someone else is writing your material. But there are clearly too many words that are not in Bristol Palin’s vocabulary. Words like “rumba.” “Aback.” “Shamelessly.” Okay, maybe not that last one…

  31. Bristol Palin
    noooooooo
    Commented on this photo:

    “She’s photobombing herself.”

    Nope, that’s her daily look. I’m actually not sure which would be worse though.

  32. Bristol Palin
    noooooooo
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh damn, someone just stole that girls whopper.

  33. Anon

    I want to know how Bristol manages to look fat/FATTER in black leather?

    Black leather is one of those rare pieces of clothing that usually make people look slimmer.

  34. Hardy Har har

    HAHA!

    I love how this family gets under the skin of you wee brained liberals.

    • Holy shit

      I hate that argument every time I see it. I put on her show the other day to see what all the hubbub was about. She was talking about how she held her baby shower out on the shooting range or something. “I like to tell that story because it bothers the liberals” or some shit. Ugh. You’re right. She’s right. It does get to us. But not for the reasons you all think. It doesn’t get to us because we’re threatened by her. It gets to us because it’s so goddamn lame and dumb, the world is a worse place for it. Seriously, just go somewhere. Nobody gives a shit about her fucking halibut fishing or her daughter, or her handicapped kid, or her period,.

      That goes for all her equally annoying and lame supporters.

      P.S. Please nominate her in 2012.

  35. LJ

    Can’t wait to see the reply to Chelsey Handler from Angelina.

    Stay classy Bristol.

  36. wim

    yes indeed, THIS IS A SERIOUS PRACTISE FOR A BLOWJOB, folks!!

  37. Burt

    Hmm, so a girl who only finished high school and happens to be the daughter of a woman who can’t tell the difference between North and South Korea supposedly wrote that? Sucks for them that there’s such a thing as forensic discourse analysis…Then again, why would I waste my time with calculating the lexical density and observing the collocates when it’s a foregone conclusion that she didn’t write that on her own.

    PS. The lack of punctuation is a transparent attempt at fooling the reader into believing she actually wrote that.

  38. Bristol Palin
    Tommy Lee's Cock
    Commented on this photo:

    This whole family is TRASH.

  39. Darklady

    Pretty political for a girl who forgot to vote, huh?

  40. RasputinsLiver

    *

    Hmm….

    …fourr words for Guhv 1/2 Term’s skank daughter, Bristle Fuckin’knockmeup Palin:

    Shut The Fuck Up, Bitch!

    `Okay, so that was five. Whatever. It’s ther message that counts.

    *

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