Bristol Palin to Margaret Cho: ‘Have You Met My Ghostwriter?’

Seen here demonstrating how this entire mess could’ve been avoided in the first place, Bristol Palin fired back at Margaret Cho’s claim that Sarah Palin forced her daughter to appear on Dancing With The Stars to make up for getting pregnant during the 2008 election. And by Bristol Palin I mean her mom’s ghostwriter who wrote the following 8,000 word essay on Facebook:

I met so many interesting people on Dancing With The Stars. It was an incredible experience that I will cherish the rest of my life. I have explained my own motivations for accepting the invitation to dance, which included the simple fact that I was ready to get out of my comfort zone and try something new and challenging. I thought dancing would also be a great way to exercise–and it was. I thought it would boost my confidence–and it did. Notably absent from this calculus were political considerations. You want to talk politics, talk to my mom. You want to talk rumba, waltz and the beautiful Spanish paso doble, I’m your girl (but if you want to talk to the expert, call Mark).
So with this in mind I was somewhat taken aback to read about me in a blog by my friend and fellow contestant, Margaret Cho. In a post she called “Pistol Whipped” she wrote that “the only reason Bristol was on the show was because Sarah Palin forced her to do it. Sarah supposedly blames Bristol harshly and openly . . . for not winning the election,and so she told Bristol she “owed” it to her to do DWTS . . . .” Let me shamelessly steal from Saturday Night Live: “Really, Margaret? Really?”
I will give my friend credit for creativity, and extra points for getting so many “facts” wrong in so few sentences. Let me be blunt: my mom did not “force” me to go on DWTS. She did not ask me either. The show approached me. I thought about it. I made the decision. After first worrying for me in terms of being exposed to those who hate us for what we believe in, both my mom and my dad became my number one supporters. Anyone who watched the show could tell I performed better, and I felt better about myself, when they were in the audience. I wanted to make them both proud, but politics had nothing to do with it. Loving my parents had everything to do with it.
It saddens me that people would think that my mom would “blame” me for anything that occurred in the 2008 election–much less “harshly” and “openly.” I think that canard (there, I said it again), has been floating around since then also. I will set the record straight, though my mom already did in her bestselling book “Going Rogue”; there were a number of reasons President Obama won in 2008, but the primary reason was that the economy was starting to falter and the majority of voters thought Obama could do a better job than my mom and John McCain. It turns out, two years later, the majority of voters were wrong, but we can talk about that another time. The point is, I seriously doubt anyone who considers herself a student of American politics truly believes I impacted even one vote in that election.
There you have it. Why do I want to set the record straight? Because it is this type of hurtful and false narrative that people promote to make my mom look bad. For 20 years my mom had my back–and for the rest of my life I will have hers.
To my friend Margaret Cho, if you ever have a question, call me girlfriend. Don’t ever rely on “sources” who claim to know me or my family. You will be taken every time. And we need to talk. You say you “don’t agree with the family’s politics at all” but I say, if you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.
P.S. If you want to baby-sit Tripp, I could use a night off.
Bristol Palin

Haha! Lesbians like KD Lang.

But, seriously, if this screed proves anything, it’s that the Palins are in constant campaign mode for 2012 and, thankfully, haven’t learn that every time they refuse to let a story whiz by, they look like assholes. (Faggot-gate, anyone?) Honestly, even I didn’t believe Bristol was forced to do the show for political reasons – I just assumed money. – until I read this entire thing and had to drink myself back from the brink of dumb. I mean, Christ, it was practically a campaign speech. Jabs at Obama, folksy jokes, use of the word “canard” to make it look like her earlier note about Keith Olbermann wasn’t written by a ghostwriter, and probably most glaring, Bristol’s first and primary concern was worrying about being exposed to the “haters” trying to stop her mom from saving America with a bowl full of buckshot and moose chili. Not, oh I dunno, “who’s going to take care of my kid?” I just assumed that’d be a “commonsense” single-mom’s primary concern, but then again, I also think women crush shoes into fuel and that’s why they need them so badly.

Photos: Splash News