Bristol Palin Is Pregnant Again

Are you sitting down? I have some shocking news. Bristol Palin is pregnant again – wait for it – while in wedlock. HOLY SHIT! IT’S THE APOCALYPSE! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE! Entertainment Tonight reports:

“We are so excited to announce that our family is expanding!” the couple told ET in an exclusive statement. “God has blessed us so much; we are thankful for His grace and new beginnings. A springtime baby in the Meyer home and we can’t wait!”

All jokes aside, it must be nice for Bristol Palin to finally have a kid without the first words after finding out she’s pregnant being “Fuck! Shit! How did this happen? I only let him shoot penis stuff in my vagina like five times! WHAT THE FUCK?!” And if you think I’m exaggerating, here’s how she told the world about her second baby last year:

I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant.
Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one.
At the end of the day there’s nothing I can’t do with God by my side, and I know I am fully capable of handling anything that is put in front of me with dignity and grace.
Life moves on no matter what. So no matter how you feel, you get up, get dressed, show up, and never give up.
When life gets tough, there is no other option but to get tougher.
I know this has been, and will be, a huge disappointment to my family, to my close friends, and to many of you.

“Hey, mom, it’s your daughter. Is your chin up?”
“Goddammit, you learned how to Google…”
“Yup, so guess who’s a stripper now. #MAGA, bitch! BOOM.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“We’re Palins, mom.”
“Right.”

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