Bristol Palin: ‘Prayer Got Me Through Dancing With The Stars’

November 24th, 2010 // 181 Comments

“Lose weight during these things? I don’t get it.”

Because getting paid buckets of cash to star on a popular reality show is an arduous affair not unlike Moses crossing the desert, Bristol Palin relied on the power of prayer to get her through becoming even more famous than being just the inconveniently pregnant daughter of a celebrity politician. People reports:

“It is faith that got me through this and just praying all the time and just relying on God and knowing that He is on our side and we’ll get through this,” Palin told PEOPLE after Monday’s finale.

I don’t want to single Bristol out here because this narcissistic tendency also applies to any football player who wins a game and says, “You know, I just want to thank God for making this possible.” But, seriously, if God exists, I hope to Him he’s got bigger things on His plate than Dancing With The Stars or we’re all amazingly fucked.

ANGEL: Lord, those people in Africa are starving again.
GOD: Dude, not now. Bristol’s feeling weight-conscious because she ate at McDonald’s again after rehearsal.
ANGEL: Forgive me, Father. They probably should’ve been born in America anyway.
GOD: Damn right, son. High five!

^^What Sarah Palin Actually Thinks.

Photos: Splash News, GIF: samer24


  1. Vandal

    Someone give her the baby back ribs before she spouts more shite.

  2. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy fat!

    She looks like Carnie Wilson!

  3. Robert Acquafresca

    when did Snooki stop tanning?

  4. Raj

    fat bitch-la

  5. See Alice

    She didnt win . Oh , the Fix was in !

  6. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    dang! snookie looks good!

  7. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Herman the Kid
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging from the photos I think prayer had just as much to do with it as In n’ Out Burger.

  8. nonminti

    I don’t want to offend any people with this surname,but what comes with a name Palin…

  9. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it me, or is she starting to look like the inspiration for Mrs. Pewterschmidt from “Family Guy”?

  10. Jay

    I actually lived in Alaska for a short time. I find it very funny that everyone who lives in Alaska doesn’t understand why “the lower ’48″ doesn’t take them seriously…………..

  11. Eric

    Liberals are all assholes. That’s all I have to say about this.

    • nooooooooo

      What does that have to do with DWTS? Maybe I should say the same thing.

      Off-topic posters bitching and moaning are assholes. That’s all I have to say about this.

      Nice one senator. Maybe you can dump the political agenda and join the regular posters.

  12. Eric

    ABC needed Jennifer Grey to win. The judges gave her 10′s for a routine that had at least 3 major stumbles.

  13. EsTeeEffYou

    Doing Bristol is like riding a moped.
    It’s fun until one of your friends catches you riding it.

    Doing her mom is like tossing a hot dog down a hallway.

  14. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like he’s bracing himself for the picture. Love it.

  15. Dick Face

    Damn! she really did put on some weight…now she’s got the perfect “Tea Bagging” lips and cheeks, Levi might want to get his balls back into that shit.

  16. Bristol Palin DWTS
    s'up bitches
    Commented on this photo:

    God must be calories that make your tummy feel good and your cheeks chubby.

  17. David


    to many pastries at the tea parties

  18. Will

    Holy shit!

    Its the Man in the Moon!

  19. Mama Pinkus

    That gal did not fall far from the repuke sanctimonious whore tree, not at ALL.

  20. s'up bitches

    Thank God that fat tub of shit didn’t win. I don’t watch the show. I just like typing “fat tub of shit”.

  21. Mallory

    she is a wildebeest. look what dancing with the stars did to kelly osborne.

    if dwts made kelly osborne skinny, than bristol palin needs to see a doctor. is dr. kevorkian still practicing?

  22. See Alice

    When were these pictures taken ? While expecting her child ?

  23. Ned

    Bristol is one of my favorite whores.

  24. Ilscas

    What a complete cunt

  25. hfn

    I don’t like people that claim they are Christians when the lie and cheat to get what they want. I mean he mother too. To me Bristol looks pg again. I had two babies 15 months apart and whent back to normal in a month. So did my sister and friend. Bristol said when she wins dwts she will give all the haters the middle finger. Thats class.

  26. dude!

    Wow. Losers are out in force today.

  27. Burt

    “Prayer Got Me Through Dancing With The Stars”

    Nope, did.

  28. Meanwhile, Jesus wept.

  29. Jon

    What’s worse, the lame talk about God or the ridiculously chubby and ugly face, she looks like a male actor in a fat suit?

  30. JollyJumJuck

    She should be the poster girl for the Undeserving Privileged.

  31. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d hit it. Then blow my wad on her mom’s face.

  32. callmesam

    Shes fat and Fugly…. who cares about this B!tch. Fcuking America and tuning in and making worthless pieces of sh!t like this have any meaning is beside me. Now… Lets get back to the boobies. Should be a bunch in Super’s thanksgiving post.

  33. eric

    I guess it’s oh-so-hip not to pray. I always thought liberals were supposed to embrace the ideas of other people not ridicule them. it must be awesome to be an enlightened lib and be able to mock people who pray.

    • nooooooooo

      Kinda amusing there, I know people of all backgrounds that openly mock stories like this. It’s not because of any specific religion, it’s because it comes off stupid that they need to make a spectacle of the moment.

      Maybe you can go play the victim a little more though and keep blaming liberals when your own people are facepalming at stupid crap like this.

  34. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    I had a dream Bristol and I were having a picnic by a stream. She was feeding me her stools. They were large like baguettes, but tasted like meatloaf. I ate every last bite, and she giggled. It gave me a nocturnal emission.

  35. Marv

    This porker is not happy living under mama cow. That’s why she keep gaining weight. Bet she didn’t want to go on the show but mama cow made her. She looked hideous stomping around the stage.

  36. Marv

    Too bad she wasn’t praying when she had her legs open to Levi.

  37. Raging Stiffy

    deepthroat me bristol…i’ll gladly take mark ballas’ sloppy seconds

  38. Stretch marks on yo dick

    Prayer and Cheetos.

  39. SumpSump

    I think that pisses me off about all you fucking numb-nuts posting is if she was a fucking liberal atheist you wouldn’t see 90% of the posts that are here. Disgusting.

  40. Yautja

    “I think that pisses me off about all you fucking numb-nuts posting is if she was a fucking liberal atheist you wouldn’t see 90% of the posts that are here. Disgusting.”

    Pretty much, yeah. The ultimate problem is that people like their BS as long as it’s delivered to them by somebody who’s a smooth-talker. As George Carlin said, “This is why elected and re-elected Bill Clinton.”

    You want Bristol Palin to go away? Stop paying attention to her!

  41. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    The Harpoons.

    Man them.

  42. Yuck

    You forgot to mention the 2nd part of her statement, where she said she wanted to win the competition “because it would be a huge middle finger to everyone who hates her and her mom”. Oh yeah, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Just as crude, ill bred and vapid as her mommy sarah palin, aka the kim kardashian of politics…

  43. bitingontinfoil

    I think she’s pregnant again, it’s the only excuse I can think of on why she actually GAINED weight!!

  44. Jon

    She is signing autographs AHAHAHAHAHAHA

  45. Frybread

    I still can’t figure out how this pig GAINED WEIGHT over the course of the show while doing all that dancing.

  46. bitingontinfoil

    My guess is Bristol’s pregnant AGAIN and they’re gonna try to shuffle it off saying it’s Willows.

  47. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    I was stationed in Alaska on and off for three years, this is how the women there look. They are round and the small percentage of them that are sexy are considered chubby by Hollywood standards. As far as her hypocritical “prayers”, I wonder if she prayed while Levi was knocking her up or when she was snorting blow.

  48. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    Prayer and a few buckets o’ fried chicken…

  49. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s one weak chin she’s got. She and Trig probably share drool blankets.

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