Bristol Palin: ‘Prayer Got Me Through Dancing With The Stars’

“Lose weight during these things? I don’t get it.”

Because getting paid buckets of cash to star on a popular reality show is an arduous affair not unlike Moses crossing the desert, Bristol Palin relied on the power of prayer to get her through becoming even more famous than being just the inconveniently pregnant daughter of a celebrity politician. People reports:

“It is faith that got me through this and just praying all the time and just relying on God and knowing that He is on our side and we’ll get through this,” Palin told PEOPLE after Monday’s finale.

I don’t want to single Bristol out here because this narcissistic tendency also applies to any football player who wins a game and says, “You know, I just want to thank God for making this possible.” But, seriously, if God exists, I hope to Him he’s got bigger things on His plate than Dancing With The Stars or we’re all amazingly fucked.

ANGEL: Lord, those people in Africa are starving again.
GOD: Dude, not now. Bristol’s feeling weight-conscious because she ate at McDonald’s again after rehearsal.
ANGEL: Forgive me, Father. They probably should’ve been born in America anyway.
GOD: Damn right, son. High five!

^^What Sarah Palin Actually Thinks.

Photos: Splash News, GIF: samer24