Bristol Palin: ‘Prayer Got Me Through Dancing With The Stars’

November 24th, 2010 // 181 Comments

“Lose weight during these things? I don’t get it.”

Because getting paid buckets of cash to star on a popular reality show is an arduous affair not unlike Moses crossing the desert, Bristol Palin relied on the power of prayer to get her through becoming even more famous than being just the inconveniently pregnant daughter of a celebrity politician. People reports:

“It is faith that got me through this and just praying all the time and just relying on God and knowing that He is on our side and we’ll get through this,” Palin told PEOPLE after Monday’s finale.

I don’t want to single Bristol out here because this narcissistic tendency also applies to any football player who wins a game and says, “You know, I just want to thank God for making this possible.” But, seriously, if God exists, I hope to Him he’s got bigger things on His plate than Dancing With The Stars or we’re all amazingly fucked.

ANGEL: Lord, those people in Africa are starving again.
GOD: Dude, not now. Bristol’s feeling weight-conscious because she ate at McDonald’s again after rehearsal.
ANGEL: Forgive me, Father. They probably should’ve been born in America anyway.
GOD: Damn right, son. High five!

^^What Sarah Palin Actually Thinks.

Photos: Splash News, GIF: samer24

superficial

  1. Captain_Insano

    “It is faith that got me through this and just praying all the time and just relying on God and knowing that He is on our side and we’ll get through this,” Palin told PEOPLE after Monday’s finale.

    Also: Buckets and buckets of fried chicken with sides of fires smothered in gravy. What a fucking whale.

    • Blech

      Bristol should have prayed for a smaller mouth through which to spew crap.

    • Right Wings Flapping

      This little beauty will be with her mom in the white house in 2 years. And so is born another Great Dynasty. Mark my words she will be president herself in 20 years.

      • 1. She’s not LITTLE. She’s short. She’s round. Round is NOT a body shape.
        2. If her mother ever becomes President of the United States, I want to move from the planet. You think Obama is bad? Wait till that nutcase becomes President. If I can’t leave earth, I’m becoming a communist.
        3. Yes, Bristol Palin for President. Nothing like a single, uneducated, overweight mom to be the leader of the free world.

      • Right Wings Flapping

        What America needs is more real people not overly stuffed shirts or intellectuals that are out of touch with the people. Bristol will follow her Mama Grissly perfectly.
        Go Bristol!

      • joe

        Yeah, we don’t need someone smart to run the country! Intellectuals are scaaaaaaaarrrrryyyyyyyy!

      • my left tit

        More like Mama Gristle-y.

      • TJL

        I was stationed in Alaska on and off for three years, this is how the women there look. They are round and the small percentage of them that are sexy are considered chubby by Hollywood standards. As far as her hypocritical “prayers”, I wonder if she prayed while Levi was knocking her up or when she was snorting blow.
        And for the idiots that will vote for Sarah no matter what, they should think about this. The amount of life changing complex issues that a president sees before breakfast would have many of us in the fetal position sucking our thumb. Even the smartest men in the world have made poor decisions while being President, why would you want an ignorant quitter to be President. She is popular because she pulls the heart strings of a small percentage of Americans, so that they will loosen their purse strings and buy her book. She is not smart enough to be the President of the United States, and neither is the rest of her family.

  2. moooooo

    Nice double chin, pig

    • Jammy

      That’s exactly what I was thinking! how can you do all that dancing and still have a double chin? shes got about as much grace and finesse as a fucking hippo.

      • anonymous

        x100 I thought all these stars go on the show knowing they’ll drop 25lbs in a few weeks from all that hard work.

        she must have been eating pizza and deep fried doughnuts the entire time.

      • kate

        Because she didnt dance, Her partner pretty much drug her around the dance floor!!

    • Naked Chicks Rule

      She could pray to God to remove her second chin, but a nip/tuck job would be much quicker.

  3. castallare

    Teh stoopid. It hert mah hedd.

  4. SuburbanBohemian

    On the plus side, at least she’s not doing any parenting.

  5. Cock Dr

    Torn between the urge to laugh & the urge to vomit.
    Turning into quite the little moo-cow isn’t she? Abstinence works Bristol; try it with the 2nd helpings & dessert.

  6. Bristol should pray for lap band surgery.

  7. willy

    Fucking Christians.

    Fuck all of them. my one secret desire is that, at the moment of death, these fucktards get a glimpse of the yawning maw of the afterlife and realize in one amazingly horrific moment that there is no fucking Jesus and that they wasted their fucking lives.

    A guy can hope can’t he?

    • there’s an old saying becareful of what you wish for …. for you just might get it.

    • green apple splatters

      @willy
      You are sooooo right. Having faith in God and praying??? What MONSTERS they are!!! They must be stopped.

      • they’re not monsters for praying. They are monsters for forcing their religion down everyone’s throat.

      • green apple splatters

        How are they doing that, exactly? By talking about it??

      • Jesus thinks you're a jerk

        You’re absolutely right. Too bad the Romans ran out of lions.

      • jonny

        at green apple splatters
        Is not the faith of God or praying that is the problem, I kinda Agree with Willy but Only Because The Real problem is the Christians Who use that faith to Gain something, They use that “faith” To Hate, Make war, Fight, You really think Jesus and God Give a Fucking Shit about gay guys, You really think If there was a God he would care about two guys doing it? that is like, so so very trivial, The same Christians who are out there screaming bloody murder about illegal mexicans, gays and all that, are some of the worst Offenders i have seen, they lie, insult, cheat, all to get their way,
        I am pretty sure that there are a lot of Good, law abiding Christians who are nice people, but Palin and her mom and the republicans that support them Do not fall into that category,
        This fat Moron Pig-Bitch is saying that she was praying in a dance contest, That She entered, WTF? and she is an advocate for abstinence, With a Child, im like Is she retarded? no probably not retarded, she just uses faith and God and all that crap to make her points Valid, Is like I said: ” I love Eating Puppies and Kitties, and I love Killing Babies because Is my faith and God tells me to” Sure that sounds completely retarded, but once you put “faith” or “god” into any sentence, wars could be wage upon, and people could take you seriously

      • kate

        yip, there are people dying of cancer and other diseases, missing kids etc but Im sure this God took the time to get her through her stint with DWTS. Give me a break. The day the Palins go away is the day I’ll agree that. …. There is a God!!

      • ?

        Anyone with any sort of real religious values should be reading the bible, not reading this site!

    • Anon

      The really sad thing is, when you die and you realize that Jesus paid the price for your sins, yet you laughed at Him, you’ll realize that you’ve wasted your entire life and eternity in hell awaits you. All you had to do was believe in Him. You can laugh at this all you like, I expect it.

      • green apples splatters: Anon is a somewhat example. not sure if he/she is joking. in recent years due to people standing up to them. their power has been reduced. otherwise there would be burning times, as well as other tortures that haven’t been performed in a few hundred years/

      • Jesus thinks you're a jerk

        Sorry, I have God on the phone right now and he says you’re completely full of shit.

      • Randal(l)

        God loves everyone,

        …unless you don’t spend an untold amount of hours praying to the right one, then its right to the fiery room of razor blade sodomy for all eternity, and the people who think their praying to the right one won’t hesitate a second to make sure you know your wrong.

        also, how many atheist were in on the ground floor for the crusades, the holocaust, the Salem which trials, 9/11, Manifest Destiny a.k.a. god wants us to kill and take over all the Indians land, the Spanish inquisition, or Jonestown

        Before you condemn me to an eternity of having flaming pineapples inserted into me stem first, I’m not saying all religion is bad, alls I’m saying is wait until you are in heaven before you start bragging, and not one second before.

      • s'up bitches

        What I don’t understand is, did Jesus end up with his twelve boyfriends in the afterlife? Can they still have group sex?

      • Mallory

        jesus doesn’t exist. you might as well tell someone to accept an unicorn into their heart.

        but on the other hand mom. i’m glad you finally figured out the internet.

    • anonymous

      hey willy: you know what would be even funnier? if you died and saw Jesus only to have him give you the finger and send you to hell with the devil waiting for you with a hardon and a barbwire condom.

      • s'up bitches

        Sounds like fun. Count me in!!!

      • Will

        You’ve been to church, ya? How fun would that shit be after a couple thousand years? ;)

        At any rate, lets face it. Anything for “eternity” is hell. I dont care if I’m getting head from Jessica Alba while eating Dulce de Leche icecream. After a billion centuries, we’ll all be begging for nothingness.

        Believing in some random afterlife mumbo jumbo isn’t wrong. Im not protesting that. I honestly could give two shits.

        At any rate, why i hate Christians specifically:

        1) It cheapens my life experience. When some fucktard next to me says that all our lives are nothing but a test for some deity who is helping bristol palin win dancing with the stars while a million fucking people die from malaria, my stomach churns.

        2) having to be the one with the burdon of proof that jesus ISNT the son of god. I mean, what the fuck? Of course he isn’t. Lets be real for a second ok? That shit was written by fucking cavemen two millenia ago. In case you’re rusty on world history, two millenia ago means no one even knew what the fucking sun was, so OF COURSE a story about a burning bush is believable.

        3) Tautology. The essential message of organized religion is a completely circular argument that has no basis in reality. Anything and everything is completely explainable when you throw away logic.

        4) The suffering of the innocent. Yes, the one thing that cracks even the most devout followers of Christ, including mother theresa herself. Lets say jesus and mohammed and moses and all that shit is totally fucking real. Do I really want to be associated with a bunch of cocksuckers who sat around with unlimited power over the universe and watched humanity suffer horror after horror for two thousand years? Fuck no. Ill take that barbedwire cock rape in hell out of principal alone.

      • jonny

        At Will
        I totally Love you for that, Thank you for putting in words what i feel

      • Mallory

        i don’t like the barbwire part, but the anal sex from satan part sounds pretty rad.

      • Yeah, anonymous, because THAT’s the Jebus I remember! Vindictive, petty, score-settling and petulant … wow…oddly enough, He sounds exactly like all the smug, self-satisfied “saved” people who claim to be His loving and devoted followers and because of that, know that they’re allowed to judge in His name because they’re so close to Him that they know exactly what He’d do in any given situation. Hell,that means He’d stone a whore in a New York minute, tell Lazarus’s family to fuck off, give the finger to the outcasts and disenfranchised, and let anyone, even a pagan, whose ear was lopped off in His name go unhealed, because that’s the kinda guy He was! Man, that IS funny!

  8. argleblargle

    Pretty sure it was twinkies and laying in bed all day that got her through DWTS

  9. jojo

    She wasn’t a bad dancer, for a fat pig.

  10. stucco

    Palin – “I pray that there are more Jelly Donuts on the Craft Services table”

    *donuts appear*

    Palin – “YAY GOD!”

  11. “I don’t want to single Bristol out here”

    LOL

  12. Dr Jones

    Oh my god, Fish. Never change.

    • green apple splatters

      He won’t until he gets over his daddy issues…

      You people do realize his “commentary” has nothing to do with anything else *but* that. “My daddy was a preacher, and I hate him…waaaahhhhhhhhh”

  13. Dr Jones

    Also: “On the plus side, at least she’s not doing any parenting.” Thank you!

  14. fester

    She just squeaked (squealed) through to the finals by the hair of her chinny-chin-chins. Now she can finally return to her true vocation, junior-assistant to the assistant Walmart greeter. Keep on living the dream, Bristol!

  15. Neen

    Was this photo-shopped with the fat booth iPhone app?

  16. nooooooooo

    Fixed that for her

    “It is McDonalds that got me through this and just munching all the time and just relying on Mayor McCheese and knowing that the Hamburgler is on our side and we’ll get through this,”

    • Blech

      Dear God,

      I’m not fat and never laugh at fat jokes.

      Except for right now, because what “noooooooo” said is very funny. God, why is Bristol GAINING weight post rehearsals? Is she even rehearsing? If she is not rehearsing, then why is she on the show? And if she is rehearsing, how could she be packing on the fat as quickly as Oprah does once she’s revealed whatever diet she’s on?

      Looking forward to hearing from you,
      Blech

  17. mcfeely smackup

    why didn’t she ask god to not make an unwed teenage slut out of her and ruin her mothers political campaign? She was saving her god card for a dancing competition?

    • fester

      Apparently you have to know how to spell “abstinence” for it to work. In a few years Todd and Sarah will be up to their eyeballs in grandkids. Yay, home schoolin’!

  18. Rough'ing with the stars

    I am in agreement with Bristol. How do you think I get through this website? Good ole faith baby…

  19. PtC

    I didn’t know Bristol was the teen mother of a celebrity politician. You learn something new everyday.

  20. Bristol Palin DWTS
    elle
    Commented on this photo:

    what a pig

  21. nasty_mike

    So what happens if she prays to God, and other contestants do also? Does he then have to choose which prayer he answers?

    The only difference between the relgious and the insane is that there’s not enough institutions to hold the former.

  22. I don’t get it…… I mean I do… it’s just almost unfathomable the amount of food the must be eating, wow.
    It’s like a backwards Kelly Osbourne effect.

    • fester

      I have a theory that the amount of fat in the universe is a constant, so if one person is losing fat someone else has to add fat. Apparently Kelly Osbourne’s ass ended up on Bristol Palin’s chin.

  23. Tom

    If you want to start harping about celebrity politicians then go after the biggest one of all – Barack Obama. That incompetent douchebag is taking us all down the river.

    • who cares

      1. barack obama has done more positive and significant things in two years than you, your children, and your grandchildren ever will in their entire lifetimes combined.
      2. barack would slay bristol in a dancing competition. and any other competition that didn’t involve putting your ankles behind your ears or the words “all you can eat”.

      and since when has the title of the president of the united states of america qualify as “celebrity politician”?? bitter much?

    • nooooooooo

      “If you want to start harping about celebrity politicians ”

      Actual topic – Bristol Palin talking about Dancing with the Stars and her cheeseburger complex.

      Unless she recently took office I’m pretty sure no one has any idea what the hell you’re on about. Maybe you’re trying to say the Palin’s are hands off even though they knowingly threw themselves into the pop culture spotlight with this and their own reality show.

      Maybe you could try out for a viral video

      /e-cry “LEAVE BRISTOL ALONE”

    • Yer Mom

      oh no he’s not you idiot. we were ALREADY down the river. god, you right wingers are so retarded.

    • Ayn Rand

      You mean by continuing and expanding on all the Bush policies? More war, anybody? More sucking off Wall Street, big banks, the insurance and pharmaceutical industries and every other large corporation, more tax-cuts for the rich? Announced cuts to entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare coming soon.

      You stupid fucks need to turn off Fox News and realize that Barack Obama is our most conservative president to date. The right-wing should be creaming their jeans and working to get him reelected.

    • green apple splatters

      Amen, brother! Joblessness and inflation on the rise (while they traipse around the globe on the taxpayer dime), the devaluing of the dollar, record deficits (which was unacceptable under W, yet he has outdone his entire 8 yrs in less than 2), skyrocketing national debt, strained relations with long-term allies, escalation of the war in Afghanistan, Gitmo still isn’t closed, N Korea bombing S Korea, the Chinese launching missles off the coast of CA (yeah, if you want to buy the govt’s bullshit denial, go right ahead)…all due to a former senator with 2 YEARS under his belt before he became prez, with NO executive experience, and a lifetime of set-asides to get him where he is. A Commander-in-Chief who refers to Navy corpsmen as “corpse-men.”
      But these PALINS!!! They believe in God, and…and…they PRAY!!! LETS GET ‘EM!!!!!!!!!!

      • Ayn Rand

        No deficits under Bush? If you weren’t just a compulsive perpetual masturbator and actually had children you could be certain your great-great grandkids will not have finished paying off chimpy’s little Iraq debacle.

        Please don’t think of that as an inducement to breed. Your contribution is not required in the gene pool.

      • nooooooooo

        Uhm did you miss the part where this is about a girl who knowingly threw herself in the spotlight of pop culture to get attention for herself with mediocre dancing ability? That most of the rage is based on people who felt she should have been eliminated long ago when the judges constantly pegged her at the bottom of the lineup for dancing with no emotion?

        Wasn’t aware it was a political shitbox for people to cry about each side. What the hell guys take it CNN or somewhere that people welcome this trash.

      • tiny-dicked pig-fucking conservative

        Thank-you, nooooooooo, you are sooooooooo right. Everybody should “take it CNN,” whatever the fuck that means. Conservative Numb Nuts?

      • s'up bitches

        So you like quitters. Retards often do….

    • s'up bitches

      I’m no big Obama fan, but could you imagine the alternative? Old man changeshisfuckingmindeverytwoseconds McCain and a VP so stupid she has to ask her mongoloid son to tie her shoe laces for her? Spare me! Can you imagine if that old fucker would have gone tits up in the middle of his governance?

      Aid: “President Palin, we need a decision on what to do about N. Korea’s attack on S. Korea”.

      Palin: “Hey ya know, I never noticed this here red button before. I wonder what that little doo hickey does? I think I’m gonna press that little sucker and find out.”

      Dude, if you HONESTLY think that dumb cunt would do a better job than Obama, then you OBVIOUSLY hate your family, your country, and everything else. Please move to Canada and become THEIR problem!

  24. Richie

    Maybe god appears to her in the form of a giant cheesecake every night.

  25. alex

    Is that a fat suit?

  26. Smaug

    another one of the many reasons not to vote for her mother if she runs for president.

  27. MightyD

    I once believed in Santa Claus! I outgrew it…without dancing! And you know what? Gifts still keep coming.

  28. Anon

    Fish: Barack Obama is a Christian.
    /pause
    Is your head exploding yet?

  29. Mena

    Shes the mascot for Chipmunk Charlie’s a new fast food chain I created just to use her fat ass face!

  30. all i can is another fugly Snooki clone

  31. Hank

    Bristol? More like Talladega, as big around as she is.

  32. Ken

    Prayer might have gotten her through that last quart of mint chocolate chip ice cream, but I think her Momma’s unfathomable celebrity got her through DWTS.

  33. RoboZombie

    Fat Christian Taliban pig
    OINK!

  34. Nubbinsworth

    “Prayer got me through dancing with the stars.”

    Definitely wasn’t your talent.

  35. Basti

    Praying didn’t help her grow up in the home of a compassionate, logical, sane mother or have her child fathered by a responsible young man with the IQ above that of a gum wrapper, so let’s not deny her what little victories she can get.

  36. Hey Fish! This is thanksgiving. you’re supposed to put up turkeys not pigs.

  37. POOPFACE

    SHES ONLY ON THIS LONG CUZ OF VOTING PALIN CONSERVATIVES WHO R TRICKING THE SYSTEM WITH MULTIPLE VOTES. NOT GOD. GOD LOL. LIKE HE EXISTS. DUMB BITCH CANT DANCE. AUDRINA COULD. AUDRINA WAS RIPPED OFF!

  38. POOPFACE

    DONT PEOPLE USUALLY LOSE NOT GAIN WEIGHT DURING THESE DANCING THINGS. SHE IS EATING HER INSECURITIES HAHAHAHAHA

    GOBBLE GOBBLE

  39. Bristol Palin DWTS
    Internet
    Commented on this photo:

    the cops face

  40. Bristol Palin DWTS
    rusty
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn is she pregnant AGAIN??!!

  41. josh

    Ugly fat pig with half a brain.

  42. POOPFACE

    OINK

  43. Racer X

    I’d hit it.

    /anal.

  44. Westbabe

    Dear Lord, people,
    Drop all of this petty bullshit. I know that the point of this cite is to scrutinize celebrities. That’s fine. But all of your replying with comments that criticize Bristol Palin’s weight really need to catch a grasp on reality. Baby weight does NOT melt off like magic, no matter how fast Heidi Klum can get back into a bikini. True, Bristol does carry a bit of the baby weight in her chin. However, he has very muscular legs (thanks to DWTS), and the only reason her belly sticks out even a little is because the muscles in her stomach were forced to stretch out when she had a baby. Also, if you have ever studied Biology, you would know that fat cells do NOT transfer into muscle. You can do all of the ab exercises you want, yet your stomach may not look smaller. It will simply become firmer as the cells move toward other areas of the body or are eaten away due to an extreme diet with exercise. You all need to stop harping on Bristol because she has a bit of weight. The truth of the matter is your criticism is more based upon a desire to bash the daughter of a political embarrassment, than based upon an any rational dislike of the girl. Grow up.

    • josh

      Are you crazy ?

      • Westbabe

        Oh come on! You know it’s true. All most people care about in negatively commenting on this is the fact that her last name is Palin. I guarantee there would be less negative comments, if she wasn’t associated with her mother.

    • ha

      I love how people call it baby weight, like that makes it less than what it is. A double chin isn’t baby weight, it’s called your fat ass went on a binging spree because you were pregnant and now you’re just a big ass tub of lard.

      • Westbabe

        We call it baby weight, because after having a baby, women’s hormones continue to go crazy. We are unable to burn off the weight as fast as others who are just chunky (sans baby), because our bodies continue to tell us to eat certain foods both (and I’ll grant you this) out of habit, but most importantly out of the need for proper nutrients to be passed through breast milk, as we continue to be the child’s source of food. Also, I would be curious as to whether you are a man or a woman, and whether you have had children before or not. Perhaps your lack of knowledge about this is based purely upon an ignorance you have gained by closing your eyes to the true female form. Yes, many women are naturally skinny. I myself am very thin. However, my friend was the same, and lo and behold she had a double chin after giving birth to her child – one which she, despite working out every day and dieting, has yet been able to shed. Hormones change the way your body works when you have had a baby. To expect the same ability to lose weight speedily pre and post baby is incredibly foolish.

    • Sugar

      Nah, i just like making fun of fat people. It doesn’t matter what their last name is.

    • CH

      Um…How old is her baby? I’m sorry but if it takes you more than a year to lose your pregnancy weight then you’re stuffing your face and are using the “baby weight” as an excuse for your pigging out. And, yes I am a mother of 2!

      • bitingontinfoil

        Personally, I think she’s pregnant again – only reason I can think for her actually GAINING weight.

    • s'up bitches

      Hey Westbabe. Put down the fork, fatty.

      • Mallory

        Yes, it is harder for some woman to lose weight after having a baby. But you just have to work harder at it.

        Also, if you are breast feeding after having a child, you should go back to your normal weight with no issue. Breast feeding burns 600 hundred a calories a day. For regular people, that’s the same as doing two hours of aerobic exercise a day. If you breastfeed and are still fat, it’s because you are a pig.

        And I am a woman, and a mom.

      • josh

        So many moms on this site, that makes me feel warm in the inside.

  45. Westbabe

    *site

  46. Richard McBeef

    Then take all the fat around the inner parts, the covering of the liver, and both kidneys with the fat on them, and burn them on the altar. – Exodus 29:13

  47. itsme.

    I don’t watch the show, but my gf does. I walked in the room while it was on, showing Bristol, and I said, “Don’t people LOSE weight on this show?” It mystified me too. Pretty girl though, if she drop a few. Imagine her in 15 years if she keeps gaining weight even while exerting herself. They’ll be calling her Bristol PA Palin. (Bristol is a town in Pennsylvania, as in “The Bristol Stomp”)

  48. CaliSamsSam31

    Oh snap! I thought that was Ricki Lake!

  49. Mel

    Ok so you may not lose any pounds doing this show, but how do you gain weight? And I don’t see any muscle there

  50. Mel

    What? So you are saying that doing hours and hours of training won’t help you lose weight? I don’t think people expected her fat to turn to muscle, but that her fat would actually go down. Muscle weighs more than fat so if she were muscular, than that would be a valid reason for her to gain weight, but she gained it all in her chin. Also she was teenage mother, teenage, she should get back into shape way faster than the rest of us. Plus that was 2 years ago! I commend her for being brave and going on this show but she chose to expose herself, so I don’t feel that sorry for her.

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