Bristol Palin & Levi Johnston Are Engaged

July 14th, 2010 // 80 Comments
Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston apparently decided to get engaged and announce it in the pages of Us Weekly before telling her mother. Except mom has nothing to worry about because the couple is saving themselves for marriage. Not counting that baby they just had:

Says Bristol, “It is intimidating and scary just to think about what her reaction is going to be. Hopefully she will jump on board.”
The Palins released a statement on the Today show Wednesday morning: “Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what’s best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives.”

Clearly, there’s two huge lies being sold here. First, the no sex thing, obv. Second, there’s no way this scenario didn’t happen:

SARAH: Here’s the deal. I will give you two one million dollars to get married and make it look like I raised you on wholesome Christian values that compound the mistake of a teen pregnancy with getting married before you’re 20. This will really help my chances of running those pack of niggers out of the White House.
BRISTOL: Mom!
SARAH: What? You know the rules in this house, young lady. Everything Mel Gibson says becomes biblical. Now quit being a cunt or I’ll make you blow me while I burn the house down. Tootles!

(I’ll be vindicated when Sarah names her next kid Sugar Tits. Just wait.)

Photo: Us Weekly

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  1. Que

    Que celebrity news?

    • to sir, with ROUGH

      Of course he’s gone back. Wanna be repress chicks like her spells coyote nasty to me in disguise. Enjoy those genuine jugs levi.

    • RS

      THAT’s Bristol Palin? Wasn’t she hot a year and a half ago? Now she looks like she’s in her 40s and ATE a truckload of babies. Yeeka.

  2. Cock Dr

    They finally figured out that they could make bank with the moral masses if they can just pretend to be one happy family.
    Good luck with that!
    He’ll be chasing strippers before the next presidential election, but what I really hope is that he’s caught in bed with his MIL.

  3. Kiss My Ass Elmo

    Holy shit Fish! You’ve lost your fucking mind.

  4. Jimmy

    I wonder if she’ll wear white.

  5. Aaron

    Am I the only one who thinks it’s pretty fucked up that a 19 yr old woman would decide to get married and announce it to US WEEKLY before she even talked to her MOM about it?!?!

    That’s just Trig! (By which I mean retarded.)

    • Great Con

      With her Nut Job Mother this was the safe choice.

      • once upon a time

        LOL, sooooo right :-)

      • MR. T

        wow taking shots at an infant with down syndrome….your parents must be so proud. The baby can’t help that it was born with down syndrome, nor can it pick it’s parents…guess your such a kook aid drinking member of the Democrat party you take a shot at another persons infant baby with Down Syndrome… so on behalf of Trig, and other children who are suffering from down syndrome and the families of those kids who struggle everyday, your a sick human being and Karma is a bitch asshole. From me personally I hope your rot in a jail cell someday.

    • MR C

      Shut up, Mr T.

      • kyle

        kook aid? Why bring in the racial slurs? You try and sound so much better than the rest, but in reality, your just a big trig.

  6. Matrim

    Wow…that scenario you laid out nearly ended me. Well played, Fish…well played.

  7. Pee Pants the Hobo clown

    haha damn Fish! good thing you’re a broke ass blogger, some fame and money and u would be sniffing coke out of lindsays buttcrack while fingerfucking justin bieber.

  8. Fish-

    This is your best post ever. Without a doubt….EVER!

  9. Herman the Kid

    Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. . .

    Epic win if he knocks her up again before the big day.

    • Patrice

      That’s EXACTLY what my first though was!! Actually, it was more like “Holy crap. Is this chic already knocked up AGAIN???” Lol.

  10. Carolyn

    Forget Bristol and Levi, their little boy is adorable.

  11. #

    (I thought I was an Asshole! I just done been schooled!) Awesome!

  12. oooaaahhh

    Levi just wants some of his mother-in-law to be’s cougar love!

  13. Palin

    Just wait until an amateur sex tape w/ Palin comes out.

    You know she’s made one…

  14. On this site political humour should always be accompanied by nudity.
    Otherwise, great post.

  15. FruitLoop

    The fading fame of being the ex-boyfriend of the daughter of a ex-celebrity only gets you so far. He figured he needs to get inside the Palin household so that he will have some “new” dirt on them when they break up again in 8 months.

    How did he really think he could get a reality show and any holywood fame, he is just so dry and monotone. He doesnt really seem to have much of a personality. At first I though he was doing it to seem professional and serious, but no, he’s just pretty grey and drab.

  16. The Gorgeous One

    This site is getting way too loose with the N-word.
    Don’t even bother with flaming this comment. I don’t care what you Stormfront-ing SOB’s have to say about it anyway.

    • Sizzle

      Pick and choose your battles, mate. In the wrong context, yes it’s a horrible word. In others, it’s not.

    • N words for ya

      Nigerians, Nubians and Nazis!

      • Carolyn

        I hate the word too, but if it’s so offensive to black people why do they use it among themselves? Also, why is it ok to have organizations specifically for African-Americans, (stupid name, how many have seen the inside of Africa?) and how would they take it if I started an organization for the advancement of white people? By the way, I dislike any designator like Italian-American, Irish-American, etc, because if we live here we’re all Americans. (well, most of us)

      • Carolyn (there was no reply option for you):

        Firstly, look at the kind of black people who use the word — they can hardly be considered the voice of reason … and if you believe they make up the majority, you’re a victim of media. Bottom line: Black people don’t like it, and many also don’t like the term “African-American” because it’s turned into a euphemism used by guilty white people trying to feign cultural sensitivity.

        Secondly, it’s mostly the Mid-West and South who culturally identify themselves as ‘American,’ not the coasts. Clearly they’re Americans, but when asked about one’s background, it goes by ancestry. Germans, Irish, and Italians were three of the largest immigrant groups at Ellis Island, and they stuck together to preserve their cultures. Today we all get along, but we have pride in our roots. It doesn’t make us anti-American, this is how it works in OUR America, and we like it that way.

      • The Man

        Better to use the term “colored” I like to call them colored people like the NAACP does.

  17. WTF

    Yeah right, Sarah Palin is having a heart attack right now. Clearly, she does not want to call her daughter a stupid f’ng moron straight out, but pretty much said it nicely. Read between the lines, she is saying she doesn’t forgive that piece of s***. “Bristol at 19 is now an adult…”, yeah, she is saying we have no control over her any longer. As a mom, I would disown her if she married him after everything he had done and said.

  18. Amy

    He’s hot! Good job Bristol!!

  19. Patrice

    Oh.Dear.Lord is all that I can say about this one…well, I guess I can also throw in giant WTF????

  20. K

    Why is that kid blonde-haired and blue-eyed?

    • Cock Dr

      Probably because Bristol Palin took on the entire male population of her HS before becoming the poster girl for pre-marital abstinence.

    • If they are both heterozygous for brown hair and eyes, then the kid’s got a 1 in 4 chance of having blond hair and blue eyes. I guess it is not too strange that both those chances occurred in the same phenotype.

      • Carolyn

        Bristol at least looks like she has light eyes. I had a friend who was as light as their baby when she was young and had almost black hair when she was an adult.

      • Cock Dr

        I like my explanation better.
        Nice work getting back into the Palin camp Levi. Letting your foot back in the door proves to me they are even dumber than suspected.
        Collect what information you can & report back soon.

      • The Man

        At least the child is not part colored!

  21. Dirtbag#1

    This is obviously a precursor to Sarah “Sexy Librarian” Palin running for office in 2012 – can’t have a single mom attached to your ticket, it’ll alienate the god folk.

    While I can’t think of anything hotter than Sarah finger blasting herself in the Oval Office, this probably isn’t the best thing for America.

    Dirtbag, noted political afficiando

  22. trillian

    I know genetics are a tricky thing and can easily give you a kid that looks nothing like either parent, but that kid really looks like Bristol was riding someone other than Levi’s johnston.

  23. Bristol is the retarded one, right?

    Anyway, what happened to her big juicy titties? Looks like they moved up to her cheekbones.

    OUT!!!

  24. Doof

    I’m not sure what the issue is here. She’s clearly 40 years old in this picture.

    (Seriously, 19?? She looks as old as her mother)

  25. Randal's Rectum

    Nice to know those two crazy kids came to their senses and decided to get hitched. Sexy Sarah taught her daughter well. You’re going to have to buy that cute little cow Levi. The milk ain’t free!

  26. Irene Barcelo

    REALLY?!!!???!!!!

  27. kanyeisgay

    I spy a prenup before the nut !

  28. Mike Walker

    She’s aging fast… looks like she’s thirty.

    • I’m thinking they did that on purpose to take away from the stigma. I wouldn’t put that past a monster like Sarah Palin.

  29. Hmmmmm

    Im guessing he opted for marriage over mysteriously “Disappearing” before her mothers Campaign for President (FTW)

  30. Some Girl

    Bet shes pregnant again and that is not his baby they are holding.

  31. PR stunt and mark it down now….it will end the 2nd week of November 2012…right after she loses !

  32. GeneralEmergency

    Ohhh…It’s so cuuute watching you hedonist teenagers get your panties in a twist when it starts to look like the adults are gonna be back in charge again soon.

    Stamp your feet and gnash your sharp little teeth all you want….The ADULTS are gonna set things right.

    Now clean up your DAMN ROOM and start pulling your own weight!

  33. Is it just me or does that kid look like Gage from Pet Semetary…? It’s those eyes….

  34. Livinus Nwambe

    Fish, the more stuff of yours I read, the more I want to be you. Thank you for making my day awesome to the power of rad squared.

  35. Racer X

    Republican slore.

  36. david

    If they wait a little the kid can be a ring-bearer at his parents’ wedding. How many of us get to do that?

    P.S. Her tits are gone. Why isn’t she hot like her mom?

  37. Tanzarian

    Pregnant at 17, getting married at 19. A perfect role model for young women, because having a life is overrated.

  38. WTF IS GOING ON?

    SERIOUSLY…WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE???!???

  39. Rico

    She is probably pregnant again. So they are getting married in order to make the new pregnancy look legit.

  40. Eric

    So this kind of shit is what gets you liberal fucktards hard?

    I can’t wait until Barry One Term is spanked in public in 2012 by Sarah Palin. He’ll be just another porch monkey on the unemployment line.

  41. kingofbeer

    Shotgun wedding delay reaction…

    ok let’s start the divorce pool, I’m going with 2 years.

  42. CMS2004

    Why is it so hard to believe that two people would choose to abstain from sex until they are married? Even if they hadn’t made that choice previously? I waited for marriage, A few of my closest friends waited for marriage. No, it’s not typical in this day and age, but it sure as hell isn’t impossible. Quit acting like if a young person isn’t screwing their brains out they’re not being authentic. It’s just… stupid.

    But then again I have to remember who you’re talking about here. Bristol Palin — or anyone even remotely connected to the Palins and/or the conservative movement — could find a cure for effing CANCER and the media would still crap all over them.

    Stick to posting pictures of starlets in bikinis, will ya?

  43. Pacman

    Does anyone notice this kid has blonde hair, lighter skin color and different color eyes then his parents? Its all a trick

  44. liz

    I realize that it is in the name of humor, but I still find the use of the n-word hurtful.

  45. captain america

    pfffffff: SOME AMERICAN WOMEN NEVER LEARN………..

  46. Fati87

    a) She looks forty-something on that cover.
    b) How the hell does that kid have blond hair and blue eyes, when both bio parents have dark hair and eyes? Fishy.

  47. Darrin

    Let the hate filled libtards hate – they make beautiful kids.

    A very pretty couple – I wish them every happiness.

  48. Doc Schweinstrudel

    The baby is so pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. Wow. It seemed like only a handful of weeks back these folks used to be at each others throats plus he was mocking Sarah Palin. Now they are sneaking around right behind her mothers back and get engaged and tell her by way of the magazine. Seems like she has a few mommy issues maybe?

    • dude

      turns out yeah they were sneaking around shopping a reality show. more fame whores who did nothing more than have a kid out of wedlock. my fucking dogs can do that! but watch how many hicks and teabaggers will watch..

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