Bristol Palin & Levi Johnston Are Engaged

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston apparently decided to get engaged and announce it in the pages of Us Weekly before telling her mother. Except mom has nothing to worry about because the couple is saving themselves for marriage. Not counting that baby they just had:

Says Bristol, “It is intimidating and scary just to think about what her reaction is going to be. Hopefully she will jump on board.”
The Palins released a statement on the Today show Wednesday morning: “Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what’s best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives.”

Clearly, there’s two huge lies being sold here. First, the no sex thing, obv. Second, there’s no way this scenario didn’t happen:

SARAH: Here’s the deal. I will give you two one million dollars to get married and make it look like I raised you on wholesome Christian values that compound the mistake of a teen pregnancy with getting married before you’re 20. This will really help my chances of running those pack of niggers out of the White House.
SARAH: What? You know the rules in this house, young lady. Everything Mel Gibson says becomes biblical. Now quit being a cunt or I’ll make you blow me while I burn the house down. Tootles!

(I’ll be vindicated when Sarah names her next kid Sugar Tits. Just wait.)

Photo: Us Weekly