Okay, So Maybe Dakota Meyer Is The Father of Bristol Palin’s Baby

“Hashtag #AbstinenceWorks… perfect.”

Despite a paper trail that still looks a hell of lot like Bristol Palin almost definitely cheated on Dakota Meyer, it turns out the Candies Foundation Abstinence Ambassador was also having pre-marital sex with him because a DNA test has allegedly proved he’s the father of her baby. And I say “allegedly” because I trust these people on whose baby come out of who about as far as I can throw them. TMZ reports:

Dakota’s DNA is a match with 2-month-old Sailor Grace, according to legal docs, but Bristol’s still pushing back on his bid for joint custody. The problem … she lives in Alaska and he’s in Kentucky.
Bristol wants primary physical custody. She’s ok if Dakota gets visitation, but that’s it.
As for legal custody — the right to make decisions for their kid — she wants final say if there’s a disagreement.

Bristol is also getting child support, so that sticks it right in the butt of the whole Dakota Meyer baiting the Palins theory. Even though I’m pretty sure finding out he’s the dad was a surprise to everyone because sources tell me she was/is allegedly balling Levi Johnston’s cousin. That would be the same Levi Johnston who put her first kid in her because these people are hillbilly as fuck. However, if Dakota wants more custody, all he has to do is prove Bristol’s leaving the kid alone with Sarah Palin and then put her on the stand.

“Governor Palin, is it true you’re often the primary caregiver for Sailor?”
“Well, therefore with the America greatness, and I don’t see so much about Obama here asking me questions about his children going near my guns, and Donald Trump will restore our country with his book The Deal of Arts, which is just really wonderful with salad and potatoes.”
“Your honor, as you can see, this woman clearly suffers from debilitating strokes.”
“Woman? Who’d Obama make my son punch now? We need a commander in chief not a salamander with beef!”
“No further questions.”

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