Bridget Marquardt kicks Hugh Hefner in the old man nuts

September 25th, 2008 // 70 Comments

Hugh Hefner really must be rocking the Depends because Bridget Marquart, the last faithful Girl Next Door, is bailing on him, Page Six reports:

Word comes that Marquardt also has a man on the side. Our tipster says, “Bridget’s been getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei’s ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they ‘hang out’ whenever she can escape the mansion.”

Goddamn, this is depressing. I refuse to accept it’s not possible for a man to have enough money that he can score with a gaggle of young blonde chicks with fake breasts well into his 80s. I’m pretty sure that’s the guiding principle of our great nation. In fact, if history serves me correct, Benjamin Franklin said it best when he said “See how many ho’s you can get with this printing press, Mr. Jefferson, and make sure they got them breasteses all huge and stuff.”

Photos: Splash News

  1. Vince Lombardi


  2. juniper

    they should all date black guys.

  3. Que

    Que sad!

  4. Huh? A “man on the side”? She’s married to a man who isn’t Hugh, dudeski….

  5. All three of these chicks must have a sore rectum

  6. Me

    Bridget Marquardt is not married to another man. Page 6 reported it wrong:

  7. Bill Clinton

    She has kinda SKANKY LEGGS.
    Still I’d love to see her actually fuck Hefner to death!

  8. Beth

    Sorry, Hef (and John McCain), nobody wants to suck grandpa’s shriveled veiny urine-dripping penis.

  9. UrMOM

    How appropriate she’s wearing underwear with a rosary around her neck. Classy.

  10. mimi

    Hey Beth, speak for yourself. I met a guy at Temple who was at least as old as Mr. Hefner and once you get past the urine it aint that bad.

  11. Blowup Doll Lover

    My blowup doll has great legs and has always been 100% faithful.

  12. The Obama Turd

    #8 would rather suck on a wet turd

  13. Beth

    #12, like all white men, fears the black man’s superior cock. With good reason.

  14. Joe Barry Carroll

    Anyone who posts after me has had anal relations with Hugh Hefner

  15. Jrz

    she must be the ugly one

  16. Dark PP and AIDS

    Yeah I fear getting AIDS from some nigger loving whore.

  17. jumpin_J

    Holly was the only reasonably attractive one anyway. Hopefully this will end the dumb “Girls Next Door” show.

  18. Hefner should sue all 4 hos for breach of contract…

  19. Mike Hawk

    Not hot, must be what that turd House Bunny was based on…

  20. jumpin_J

    #16, I’ll pay you $20 and take you to East Harlem if you would yell that in public. Pleeeeeze? Pretty pleeeeeze?

  21. mamadough

    as fucking awesome as hefner is, you can’t expect her to keep licking dusty ol’ balls forever. and it’s not like hef is out on this, i’m sure there are hundreds of blonde, plastic bimbos for him to put his dick in just waiting outside his door.

  22. ph7

    Hef should let all the bunnies escape from the mansion. Just call me first so I can be standing by the exit with a net.

  23. Drunkman

    If by “getting quite close with” you mean “banging” then obviously it’s true.

    It’s a safe bet Hugh is the biggest pimp on the planet but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s old as dirt. I’m sure these chicks have been going out sleeping with other dudes for quite some time…no way he could satisfy all their needs even with a Cialis prescription.

  24. Jesse

    “I’ll pay you $20 and take you to East Harlem”

    You’d have to pay a lot more than that to convince a white person to visit the rat-infested hole where all the dysgenics live.

  25. Dark PP and AIDS all over jumpin jj

    Sure. And I want your ape ass to come on over to where I live first and talk shit to my face, monkey. Damn you apes sure are infested with AIDS though, aintcha? Amazes me that white whores risk slow agonizing death to get that monkey dick. White men certainly don’t lust for black women.

  26. havoc

    It all seems too obvious to me.

    Hef cut them off. Do you think these pieces of meat are capable of love or something? Materialism and cash money is why they stay.

    Show them something shiny and tell them to raise their skirts and assume the position. Otherwise, get me three more…..


  27. We monkeys have ape virus! melanin is irrelevant, aren’t you guys happy supafish is a man again?

  28. John

    I’m sure this is Hef’s idea.

    After all he’s closing the mansion for parties as well.

    After all these girls have just been around for PR for Playboy for the last number of years. I think Hef is retiring.

    What 80 year old guy wants to be around young people partying or young vacuous women. I’m sure he’s bored of it all.

  29. Joe

    “What 80 year old guy wants to be around young vacuous women.”

    John McCain for one (with Palin).

  30. Spanky

    I would let her gargle with my man juice and then pound her ass bloody.

  31. Steph

    Good lord, let her go, she did her time. I mean, middle-aged guys are completely disgusting already. Fat hairy bellies, balding heads, horny from leering at younger girls they can’t possibly get, half the energy of a young guy. By Hef’s age, guys are puke-inducing when they get naked, let alone when they flap their sagging balls around in an unintentional parody of sex. Give this girl $10 million and let her get some serious therapy.

  32. She is freaking hot. By the way, check out this blog… it’s classic!…

  33. Jrz

    @29–bitch, please. That’s a ballsy statement coming from a guy who works at a drive-thru and lives with his parents.

  34. robertb59

    Wearing the rosary under the bra? A curious choice.

  35. Married With Kids And Oh My God I Wish I Had Made Different Choices

    We LOVE Sarah Palin!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE HER!!! She DESERVES to be vice president because…because…because…she’s so…so…well accessorized!!! YEAH!!!

  36. samyer

    Hot stature,sun glass, blond hair and red coat are all my style!! those tall women(even models) i hook up with were also in that style. still remember the tall dating place, to share with u guys: ____Tallmingle.com____ a place to start a beautiful romance and leave sweet memories!!

  37. I’d lick a blister on her ass! That offer still applies to you veggi. Let me know.

  38. Young Arrogant and Retarded

    I hate Sarah Palin and anyone who sticks up for her. I think anyone who sticks up for her is regretful that they have a family! I’m an overpriveledged douchebag that grew up in the ‘burbs and my asshole parents gave me everything! WAH! My swimming pool wasn’t deep enough! WAH! I was an Emo Suburban Fuck Wad who mini-vanned it to school every day and now I think I’m uber hip because I am disdainful of Americans and American families.

  39. Jrz


    Burned, much #35?

  40. Ferdinand Narcos

    Anybody who believes any of these women were having any kind of actual physical relationship with him is a fucking moron.

  41. Ginger

    Okay, why is the Superficial pretty much the only source reporting these rumors about the Girls Next Door? I don’t think i’ve heard any other celebrity gossip site or magazine say anything about this stuff.

  42. Tacky

    She looks tres trashey. Her body is almost as skanky looking as her face.

  43. Mike

    You mean they actually figured that Hugh has a shriveled up 482 year old penis? And they’re now fucking guys with actual cocks? Wow!!!!

  44. Sarah Palin

    This is all part of Gods plan. We will work tirelessly to retain and further implement Gods plans.

    Praise the Lord!

  45. lloyd johnson

    Hef sprained his pimp hand and now the hoes are escaping.

  46. kelley

    Actually, to be fair ? Bridget’s tits are real, Holly’s and Kendra’s are fake ! Trust me, I read Playboy and her tits are real.

  47. Gaby

    She’s still ugly. Imagine without the makeup.

  48. HorribleJudgment

    Hmmm…Bridget’s got some wrinkles around the eyes. But anyway, I think Hugh gets the picture. He’s a shriveled prune of a man who no one will fuck, and his dick is a horrid, veiny, shriveled, paralyzed, tiny, urine soaked stump of flesh that hasn’t been used in decades (since his pedophile days). He can barely walk, and he is the laughing stock of the world. And now, finally, everyone is leaving him. Good for him.

  49. netfen

    @28 and @26 – you guys are on the money.

    I heard somewhere that playboy is not doing too good & is losing alot of money. Parties have been cancelled, Hef must be over it. I bet these girls have been cut off. AND I bet they finally realized (or Hef told them) that they will NOT BE IN HIS WILL, all of his money is going to go to his kids and his ex-wife who he still has dinner with once a week.

  50. jambi

    fuck thats an ugly woman. baboon nose!

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