Charlie Sheen Is Engaged To This

February 18th, 2014 // 48 Comments

Because coke and money are a currency unto themselves (wait), TMZ reports Charlie Sheen is engaged to Brett Rossi, a “former” porn star if such a thing ever existed which it doesn’t. This will be Charlie’s fourth marriage, and Brett’s 800th penis to go into her for money, so I don’t need to tell you that the romance is rife, my friends. Rife like a fox. Elton?

Photos: Twitter

superficial

  1. PassingTrue

    For what it’s worth, Charlie has a “type”. Let’s see how fast the money goes away.

  2. To be a Porn “Star” doesn’t someone need to know who you are?

  3. Deacon Jones

    Let me tell you exactly how this is going to go, as Ive dated two women like this. One was a literal nympho who was a personal trainer, the other was an Asian stripper with huge tits and an ass like a 16 year old track star.

    The first 6 months are pure bliss. There’s lots of fucking. Doggy style, over the couch, on the floor. In a creek bed in a park (didnt get laid for two weeks in that instance), in your car in front of her parents house. In the bottom of a musty smelling canoe on a lake in upstate New York., etc, etc

    Well then it starts getting a little dull. Intellectually speaking, it becomes much more apparent they are dead inside each passing day. You can only giggle in unison at her spilling her coffee on herself and rolling her eyes whenever politics is mentioned before you keep asking yourself “Jesus…how dumb *is* this chick?”

    To spice up the sex, you start getting more creative. Banging them through their pantyhose. Buying one of those BDSM leather masks for her. Anal. Ah, sweet anal. The trainer used to like flashing guys her poon-tang in front of me. Home Depot was her place of choice. Then the discussion of a threesome inevitably comes up. The bickering picks up.

    Fast forward 18 months. The sex is getting somewhat “routine” at this point. Who would have thought that banging a hot blond dressed in a pink Playboy bunny suit and stuffing her panties in her mouth and making her call you “Daddy” would get old, but it does. The fighting is constant at this point. They’ve come to realize that the relationship is just sexual, and nothing more. That’s when they start picking fights over stupid shit. Guys, word of advice, whenever they throw a hissy fit over where you picked to eat dinner, its not about the fucking restaurant.

    Two years in. You’ve broken up. Once, twice. The makeup sex was fantastic though after you’ve gotten back together. But you find yourself immediately irritable around them afterwards. You mask these feelings with talks of threesomes. Maybe going to a swingers party. You actually DO go to Vegas and pick up a stripper with her. (That shit’s always overrated by the way. Too much thinking the entire time…”Will she get mad if start eating her pussy?….whoops, she just tried to put it in her without a condom, did she see that?”)

    After the threesome, sex party, etc the fighting becomes everything. Even the makeup sex at this point, you’re still fucking pissed off before/during/after. The relationship ends. And you know what? You dont really give a shit.

    Fast forward a couple years and you find yourself a great girl, someone you can laugh with, hang out with doing whatever. You eventually marry her, and truly love her. Here’s the tradeoff though – the sex is nothing what it was with the first two. Yeah, yeah, this is where Ive pissed off any of the women reading this still – “But you love her!” I do, but I also have respect for her. Kind of hard to call your wife a “Filthy cum slut” as you’re nutting on her face. The first two, you use them for what they are and can degrade them beyond even what you think there limits are. That’s good sex..great sex, in fact. But to make “love” to your wife, its kind of like trading in a Mustang for a mini-van in that respect.

    Sheen will be divorced in 18-24 months. Because deep down, he doesnt respect her. He detests her. If he can find a girl that he truly loves, well that’s a different story. But he’ll probably find himself jerking off over the toilet bowl to “Fuck My Ass 12″ when his wife is out picking up a loaf of bread.

  4. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    Ladies and gentlemen, the latest contestant in the “Which Wife, Ex-wife or Porn Star Will Charlie Sheen Finally Kill Before He Dies?” competition.

  5. MarketingMike

    Go to Google. Turn OFF the rating filter
    Hide your children, and pets, lock the door.
    Type in the name Brett Rossi, and enter.
    CLICK on the video tab at the top of the page.
    There are literally hundreds of videos of Brett.
    Many of them, are not PG rated.

    • MarketingMike

      My mistake, in Google type: PORN, Brett Rossi
      This reveals ALL of her videos. It’s pretty revealing.
      BTW, She only does Lesbian and Masturbation videos
      in between Farm Animal and Glory Hole gigs.
      Go Charlie!

  6. lawn

    Actually, she mostly does lesbian and masturbation scenes, very little man on woman stuff. At least, that’s what my friend tells me.

  7. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Shall we send those crazy kids a nice toaster for a wedding present?

  8. Urbanspaceman

    She’s cute enough but the smell of rubber puts me off.

  9. “Candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern.” from Bull Durham.

  10. SuperDuper

    If you can see the outline of the implants even in an airbrushed image, do you get your money back?

  11. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    anon
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is that hanging on the wall? Does she have her own Nitrous set up?

  12. Shave your armpits already.

  13. If she doesn’t have the balls to do boy/girl scenes on camera, can she really be called a porn star?

  14. Leila

    I’m just crossing my fingers that he doesn’t knock her up. That last thing this world needs is another child plunged into instant crisis. Let him shit his money away on women, it’s better than throwing it away on drugs. I can bet you that she’s had a rougher life than his by far, and I’d rather see her get it. Poor girl has to fuck the crypt keeper now, she deserves every penny his kids and baby mommas don’t get.

  15. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    Tits are too big and I assume her labia is too normal. Are we talking about THE Charlie Sheen?

  16. Very pretty except fake tits. And when it comes to fucking, I hate crowds.

  17. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Jaime
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice little “Naughty” look.

  18. Jenn

    WTF is up with the armpit hair? Shave that jungle! Unless you’re planning to use it to murder Charlie, then grow on, bitch, grow on!!

  19. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s for Martin Sheen’s gas mask http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Booth_(Blue_Velvet)
    “Mommy! Mommy! Don’t you look at me!!!”

  20. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Commented on this photo:

    Oi vey. FML.

  21. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Miley Cyrusis aslut
    Commented on this photo:

    Clearly Charlie believes that her feasting on other women in a majority of the films she has made, isn’t porn…..after all isn’t that normal bedroom entertainment for Charlie?

  22. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Commented on this photo:

    Once a porn star always a porn star!!.

  23. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Martin Beck
    Commented on this photo:

    in this greedy backstabbing not so brave new world society I think miss rossi is a breath of fresh air . I do love the aroma of ” roses ” so thank you my lady long may you reign

  24. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    goodwolfe21
    Commented on this photo:

    “Former” porn star or not…this girl is extremely hot!..so who cares!?

  25. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Hugh Evers
    Commented on this photo:

    She has girl next-door qualities… as long as the girl next door is a “former” porn star who does anal with a toothless crackhead.

  26. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    ratAmac
    Commented on this photo:

    The only thing she’s missing is “icing” slathered across her face…

  27. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Commented on this photo:

    One can not be a “former” porn star. A former actor, yes, but not porn star. It’s like riding a bicycle.

  28. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    TheJoaker
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeannette McCurdy did it!

  29. Brett Rossi Porn Star
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus that is one hot ass, 25 years old pussy. But really what do they have in common as Charlie is 49 years old? Blow, brooze and crazy nightlife are not great personality traits when the other is getting his pension card soon.
    Ok you like Kobe steaks but every goddamn dinner for the rest of your life? Men like thier food to be different like thier women.

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