Bret Michaels wants to put his thorn in Jennifer Aniston’s rose

February 3rd, 2009 // 56 Comments

Also at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You which Celebuzz reports she didn’t even stay and watch, was Jennifer Aniston who’s got herself a new admirer in Bret Michaels. You gotta admire the man’s horribly-placed confidence. NY Daily News reports:

“Bret is really crushing on Jen,” a pal of Michaels confides. “He says she’s the kind of girl you can have a good time with, but can still take home to Mom.”

But despite the fact he’s got more STD’s than Paris Hilton duct-taped to Pamela Anderson, Bret might actually have a chance. John Mayer is starting to get sick of being a dull, ineffectual knife wielded at Brad Pitt:

“John’s goal is to keep a low profile this year, and Jen is about as far off from low-profile as you can get,” a source tells us. “He just wants to keep out of the spotlight and finally concentrate on his music.”
Mayer is working on an album tentatively titled “Battle Studies,” a followup to 2006′s “Continuum.” “He’s always in and out of the studio,” a second insider reveals. “That’s his focus.”

Of course, there’s only one legally binding way to settle this: A battle of the bands. Whoever transforms a cop car into a hot tub full of bikini babes using nothing but Aqua-Net and cock bulges wins Jennifer as his lusty wench. Because, sometimes, the old-fashioned ways are the most romantic ways. Until the cocaine wears off and Vince Neil’s all like “Hey, let’s go to Denny’s.”

Photos: Getty
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  1. Particle)Man

    So the skanks on Rock of Love Bus didn’t work out after all!?! Go figure.

    RFIST!

  2. Richard McBeef

    you are gay if you wouldn’t.

  3. Kip Winger

    This is fucking awesome news dudes.. If this works out maybe I can finally get with Kate Beckinsale.

  4. Andy

    I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, Bret … for one thing, when you ask Jen to strip for you, the area below her landing strip will turn into the Sahara.

  5. effyeray

    Even a nimrod like Bret Michaels can do better than Hagiston. And to all the gay dudes & fat chicks get on here and say she’s pretty and too good for whatever…. just don’t. Don’t. She should die so some new talentless semi-cute girl can act like the same emotionless whiner in every role she plays….

  6. klimmie

    If her gets with her it will be the most unlikely hookup since Heidi Klum and Seal.

    POR FAVOR!!!!

  7. jrz

    He seems to be stuck in 1988.

  8. Kim

    BTW, at least John Mayer is a real musician. Michaels is just a joke.

  9. Pathetic Worm

    I pity the fool that says yes to a tit wank.

  10. mailman

    vince neil most definitely hit up the free denny’s breakfast this morning. twice.
    (http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2009/02/dennys.html)

  11. jim

    This girl is lost anyway and will never have babies.

  12. Anexio

    OMG! Is Jen Connley preggers again?

    I’m so happy for her and she can act to.

  13. Shep

    Just when you thought Jenn’s sex life couldn’t get anymore pathetic then John Mayer……. Q Bret Michaels. So from a guy who everybody thought took it in the ass to a guy who’s band is the ass of everybody’s jokes. Ha and you thought there wasn’t a connection!

  14. Waitaminute….THAT’S Bret Michaels? I kept hearing his name and not knowing who he was, wasn’t he on celebrity fat club or something a while back??

  15. Frankly Speaking

    Frankly speaking, it’s good that they both are post-menapausal otherwise this would be ugly

  16. havoc

    I didn’t think Jen was into bald guys….

    huh…

    .

  17. AteIsEnough

    To those of you non-believers… Jennifer Aniston ROCKS. I’d give my left nut to be with her…minus the bull-shit she’s always knee deep in.

  18. AteIsEnough

    To those of you non-believers… Jennifer Aniston ROCKS. I’d give my left nut to be with her…minus the bull-shit she’s always knee deep in.

  19. AteIsEnough

    Sorry about the double post…got a little click happy!

  20. Valerie

    “She should die so some new talentless semi-cute girl can act like the same emotionless whiner in every role she plays…. ” I have to agree. Her character always ALMOST stutters and it’s as if we’re supposed to identify with her. FAIL

  21. Mike

    Doesn’t she just act in the same movie over and over again with a different title?

  22. Joe

    Would have went with “put his rock of love in aniston”.

  23. dude_on

    A-Listers don’t do D-List hair band has beens. He should stick to groupies and deny himself the embarrassment of openly disclosing his affections for a top tier international hottie.

    I could go all Randal on Jen but her beauty speaks for itself – okay that is enough. I’ll go cut off some digits or that.

  24. Ed.

    No, if you say “Jennifer Aniston ROCKS” it’s called getting a little dick happy.

  25. Sandy

    Bret’s got a chance if he shows Jen a Brad Pitt mask and offers to wear it, then laughs…and keeps an eyebrow raised. Or should it be an Angelina Jolie mask?

  26. Shawn

    So was “Bret Michaels wants to Talk Dirty to Jen” just a little too obvious?

  27. Jen

    “Whoever transforms a cop car into a hot tub full of bikini babes using only the magic of their rock …”

    You totally ripped that from Patton Oswalt.

    Loser.

  28. sla

    All of the germs and junk and skank he came into contact with on Rock of Love have left Bret coated in a permanent layer of skeeze. Touching him would be like making out with a raw chicken.

    If Jen is smart she will pretend her name never crossed his disgusting lips.

  29. Jrz

    AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ricky Gervais is the man!

    Ricky Gervais is no fan of Paris Hilton.

    The British funnyman has taken to his blog and written a letter to President Barack Obama requesting an exchange that would move the heiress and Victoria Beckham to middle ground.

    “As I’m sure you’re aware, one of your flock has strayed,” he writes. “A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills [sic], is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don’t have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public.”

  30. candiruacu

    As to why this would be so wrong-

    Well, Hell-

    Just look at the pix!!

  31. candiruacu

    &

    The group shots of Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin and Scarlett Johansson-

    I’M A HAPPY MAN!!!

  32. Randal

    There’s always a ray of sunshine bursting from the smile of Jennifer Aniston, regardless of where she happens to be in her illustrious career, which is why so many flock to her field of dreams.

    Your fans continue to support and love you, Jennifer!

    Randal

  33. authorego

    Jennifer Aniston’s taste in partners leans towards “famous” but I’m very sure that it isn’t a famous fat flabby woman in a cowboy hat.

  34. Jupiter Girl

    I’m loving Jennifer Connelly at this event. The color of her green dress..and luminous curls, so stunning! Scarlette is always beautiful…even if she’s not doing the old hollywood glamour look that i prefer on her. Not a big fan of Jennifer Aniston, but i like the tailored look on her…and the necklaces are very cool. Genniffer Goodwin is flawless from head to toe in that amazing color and matching jewels. I love love love Drew Barrymore. BUT that dress isnt very flattering for her hips, pretty girl none the less.

  35. Max

    Why can’t we read the full post in RSS feeds anymore? That sucks ass.

  36. Tee

    Um, is it me, or does Aniston’s suit look a lot like something Angelina Jolie has worn?

    She looks good here, for a simian.

  37. Min

    Not too pleased with the new RSS that feature less content and bigger, more intrusive advertising. If you’re going to handicap the feeds to force me to visit the site so you can log more hits and take in more ad dollars, at least take the ads out of the feeds. Why waste my bandwidth twice with every post?

  38. ew

    2- im gay then. I think she looks like an ugly jewish lezbo

  39. Bret will crush on anything with a vagina. Although even that’s debatable.

    http://www.tvraisedme.com

  40. http://www.topmodeldating.com

    I totally think she will get married to Jonn Mayer and finally have kids. You are doing great Jen. Keep it up!

  41. daleile555

    She is my dream girl!! she’s just the type I like most!
    you may wanna check this out, guys, ^^^^^^^^ AgelessMate.com ^^^^^^^^^, hot cougars and milfs there may just suit you the best!! who knows?

  42. lucy

    You guys should try a great place ^^^^^^^^blackwhitefriends . c om , a great place to meet hot sports chicks and cowboys online.. there are many handsome sports men and hot rich women. Some sports celebrities are hanging out there…

  43. with other words: DIRECTING HIS PENIS INSIDE HER PUSSY, folks?

  44. Linda

    Am I the only one to think Ginnifer Goodwin is by far the most beautiful woman on this picture?

    I love her acting on HBO’s Big Love, and I hope we’ll see much more of her on the mainstream.

  45. zsa

    I think Jen looks f’n fantastic. Wow, I love her outfit. I would even venture to say she’s the best looking one of those five.

    As for Bret, although I could see her with a rocker (John Mayer doesn’t count), she doesn’t need the drama…or the std’s.

    Did I say I love her outfit?

    zsa

  46. Poorly formed chin, jaw and now ears! Bret’s another one who relies on his hair, he is busted!

  47. TJ

    Michaels is an advanced insulin-dependent diabetic, and has a penile prosthesis. I’m surprised none of his reality TV skags hasn’t outed him yet…maybe he knows how to use it!

  48. Fiona

    HaHaHa, it’s not as if the sun won’t rise tomorrow people! It’s so much better to date around and see who makes that special, long-term connection with you than to just marry or committ to that person who gets your rocks off. To be partnered with “my best friend” is so much better than to be partnered with someone who only serves one purpose. A good dildo and some everready’s could serve that purpose without all the angst from paps and fans. I say in my best Ozzy Osbourne fashion, Rock On Jennifer!! Live your life YOUR way and the Hell with nay sayers. Nothing beats a self-confidant, gorgeous , wealthy lady with such class and style. As Michaels said, “You can have a good time AND take her home to mom”….says it all….class, it’s all about Helen Of Troy class……

  49. Fiona

    HaHaHa, it’s not as if the sun won’t rise tomorrow people! It’s so much better to date around and see who makes that special, long-term connection with you than to just marry or committ to that person who gets your rocks off. To be partnered with “my best friend” is so much better than to be partnered with someone who only serves one purpose. A good dildo and some everready’s could serve that purpose without all the angst from paps and fans. I say in my best Ozzy Osbourne fashion, Rock On Jennifer!! Live your life YOUR way and the Hell with nay sayers. Nothing beats a self-confidant, gorgeous , wealthy lady with such class and style. As Michaels said, “You can have a good time AND take her home to mom”….says it all….class, it’s all about Helen Of Troy class……

  50. Ahahaha Vince would want to go to Denny’s.

    Hey, I approve of Bret Michaels wanting to bang Jennifer Aniston because that’s got to be way more interesting than John the Knife.

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