UPDATE: Bret Michaels is getting his ass kicked

After just recovering from an emergency appendectomy, Bret Michaels was rushed to the hospital last night after experiencing severe headaches. Turns out he suffered a brain hemorrhage and is now listed in critical condition. TMZ reports:

According to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, people who don’t receive proper medical treatment after suffering a subarachnoid hemorrhage have a 20% to 30% chance of experiencing a second bleed within the first month — and the odds of surviving a second bleed are extremely slim.
Cedars states, “Recurrent bleeding has a 70% mortality rate.”
Fortunately, Michaels is reportedly being treated in a capable medical center.
However, it appears as though Michaels is already beating the odds — Cedars reports that roughly 1/3 of people who have a subarachnoid hemorrhage die during the hemorrhage because of extensive brain damage. Obviously, Michaels has already cleared that hurdle.

As a show of support for Bret Michaels, The Superficial Writer will bang twice the normal amount of strippers tonight which will put me at a whopping 0.5 in one evening.

I should probably stretch.

UPDATE: Bret’s dad says he’s “doing good” and resting which is great because I can’t keep sexually satisfying all these groupies. Or even one. The clitoris is a myth!

Photos: Getty