UPDATE: Bret Michaels is getting his ass kicked

April 23rd, 2010 // 63 Comments

After just recovering from an emergency appendectomy, Bret Michaels was rushed to the hospital last night after experiencing severe headaches. Turns out he suffered a brain hemorrhage and is now listed in critical condition. TMZ reports:

According to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, people who don’t receive proper medical treatment after suffering a subarachnoid hemorrhage have a 20% to 30% chance of experiencing a second bleed within the first month — and the odds of surviving a second bleed are extremely slim.
Cedars states, “Recurrent bleeding has a 70% mortality rate.”
Fortunately, Michaels is reportedly being treated in a capable medical center.
However, it appears as though Michaels is already beating the odds — Cedars reports that roughly 1/3 of people who have a subarachnoid hemorrhage die during the hemorrhage because of extensive brain damage. Obviously, Michaels has already cleared that hurdle.

As a show of support for Bret Michaels, The Superficial Writer will bang twice the normal amount of strippers tonight which will put me at a whopping 0.5 in one evening.

I should probably stretch.

UPDATE: Bret’s dad says he’s “doing good” and resting which is great because I can’t keep sexually satisfying all these groupies. Or even one. The clitoris is a myth!

Photos: Getty

  1. I R GAY

    I R GAY

  2. John

    You’re going down sucker!

  3. wags

    I don’t like the dude, but vibes to him, hope he pulls through ok.

  4. Jen

    My mom died from a brain hemorrhage last year, I believe most of the time they are fatal. In other instances because of damage from having blood on the brain survivors of hemorrhages are extremely mentally impaired and can end up in vegetative states with little brain activity and on ventilators. Aneurysms are sudden and without warning and are extremely devastating. My heart goes out to his family.

  5. I am praying for Bret and his family. That is just horrible. Here is hoping that he recovers. Love and Peace Mommadoox

  6. There will be 'a nightmare on Rough street'

    He’s not going to make it, NO HATS in the operation room. It’s like telling superman not to bask in the sun…I second your goodwill # 3

  7. Burt

    Dude, making fun of a guy who may well die…That’s low.

  8. mick

    Isnt this the dude who always wears a cup towel on his head? With a hat?

  9. GeneralEmergency

    Never knew much about Brett until he started doing Trump’s show. Over the past several weeks, he has become one of the most interesting personalities on the show and now is certainly one of my favorites, silly receding hair line camouflage and all.

    I wish him a speedy recovery, and strength and hopefulness for his family.

  10. Dn

    I always said, sooner, or later, Poison and Bret Michaels were going to have to pay for almost destroying metal in the late eighties. Throw on top of it that lame ass “Every Rose” crap song, and his VH1 Rock Of Love shit TV show and it was just a matter of time before Karma was gonna go “My Name Is Earl” on his ass, again. Why? Cause Karma didn’t do the job right when he got bashed in the face at The Tony Awards, or whatever show that was, where he failed to get off the stage fast enough. Then again, maybe that ‘s what he gets for wearing guyliner everyday of his life. Que sera, sera, Bret boy.

  11. Taz

    best wishes Bret

  12. Mike

    Is celebrity apprentice still filming? Bret is the man, hope he gets better soon.

  13. Thanks for your artical!

  14. Thanks for your artical!

  15. Rocco S.

    Best wishes friend.

  16. Billy

    Every rose has its thorn. After playing a part in the decay of western civilization with ROL, he’s shown some real heart despite the confines of that silly Trump crap. I’ve heard the prognosis is good. Good luck to you sir.

  17. Ghost

    Probably just a reaction from all the syphilis.

  18. JesseJimmy

    This is really surprising news. He lived such a clean life.

  19. Craig

    Are you joking about a guy that is dying? A guy who has a family? You are a dick. I enjoy your columns daily, but usually when it is all in good fun. There is nothing funny about this.

  20. possibly one less 80′s rocker in the world. boo fucking hoo. panicking that hes having brain bleeding…please! this coming from a guy that used to do so much coke that groupies use to fight over who got to swallow his load, because it would get them high!

  21. Poison singer Bret Michaels has suffered a brain hemorrhage and is in critical condition.I hope he will get well soon.

  22. hamper_lint

    Poison has put on a wonderful stage show throughout the years …

    If you like him or not, it is weird to say something bad about someone who is suffering.

    I wish Bret good health !

  23. FiveOh

    Those of you complaining about Fish’s comments obviously missed the whole Boner/Corey Haim uproar. If that sort of humor offends you, this is obviously not the blog you should be reading.

  24. small asian penis

    May Peace be with Bret Michael and his family.

    That’s how you don’t rag on dude that was the butt of your jokes.

  25. Good sharing Best wishes

  26. Good sharing Best wishes

  27. rotundo the clam

    good for him. he came into a store I worked at before his newfound fame on TV, and was all coked out and trying to pick up this 14 year old chick. Can’t wait until he dies, but I would have paid good money to knock his jaw off its hinges

  28. mfbinc

    god save all us pittsburghers!!!!! get well bro!

  29. Truth

    If he dies and they cancel The Apprentice I’m gonna hurt his kids. There’s some motivation for you Brett. You’re welcome.

  30. Stupid

    You ass holes that are slagging him are fucking pricks. The guy has balls & I wish him the best. And you know what Poison was a great band with some really great songs. 80′s rocked compared to the music of this fucking decade, pop shit.

  31. wags

    @29..that’s a comment the original fish would appreciate. Well said…if the current fish gets run over by a bus, the powers that be should come looking for you.

  32. Darth

    Get well soon! That’s an order! *Salutes*

  33. George

    Good Luck Brent!!!

  34. Dannies Lily

    This is really surprising news. He lived such a clean life.i like it

    Muscle Max XL

  35. Dannies Lily

    I read your article such a really valuable information for me and all of user i like your article.


  36. James

    he prolly snorted pussy juice for all we know. PS- he was a complete pussy on the apprentice with that whole diabetes thing

  37. Darrin

    His diabetes isn’t going to help. I wish him and his all the best.

  38. NVN

    It´s pretty obvious that Bret did not find his Rock Of Love,

    and he is devastated about that, even when all the country thinking that he didn´t take it seriously. I think he did, and that I haven´t heard a sociologist or a single psycologist about WICH GIRL HE SOULD HAVE CHOOSEN. Is that silly to think that he was asking for help and maybe he deserved it? A serious debate about the woman behavior in the show, it was a spectacular opportunity to do it, I think Bret managed very “gentlemanly” every situation besides the womanizing aspect of it, but, hey, who isn´t womanizing these days? at least he made and experiment!

    I think that if this is karma as some user said, we´re all in it.

    And I agree with other posts, its 2010, it´s legal again to NOT make fun of really hurt people, also because a lot of people read this site, and news as energy travel across the space and around people, including Bret.

    If you want to make fun it´s ok, but with your intelligence I bet that you could also help, him in this case.


  39. captain america

    I’m glad there is justice in america.
    ……..FOR ALL, folks!!

  40. cordell walker

    well, although he’s a handbook d-bag, little uneasy laughing at a guy who’s going through something like this…

    but then ending the story w/ this line:
    “good news [...] brain damage [... ] Michaels has already cleared that hurdle.”
    the funniest shit i’ve heard in weeks.

  41. J

    hey fish,

    any updates?

  42. well, although he’s a handbook d-bag, little uneasy laughing at a guy who’s going through something like this…

  43. well, although he’s a handbook d-bag, little uneasy laughing at a guy who’s going through something like this…

  44. The Clitoris: Nature’s Rubik’s Cube.

    Good luck, TSW!

  45. just sayin'

    Well, maybe this is payback for being such a scumbag womanizer, one that rivals Bill Clinton

  46. Calebth

    I totally saw him a few weeks ago at the truck stop I work at. Looking gay as ever. Maybe he’ll grow out of the whole “I want to be a rockstar” phase and get a real job if he pulls through.

  47. Kryspy

    “Maybe he’ll grow out of the whole “I want to be a rockstar” phase and get a real job if he pulls through.”

    Yeah maybe when the whole earning millions touring with poison fad wears off. The fact that you work at a truck stop speaks volumes……. douche !!!

  48. Bret I pray that you make it back home safe and sound and never EVER have to go through anything like that again. I pray you live a long healthy life and be there for your daughters and hopefully even your grandkids. You are a good guy with a good heart. Bless

  49. I totally saw him a few weeks ago at the truck stop I work at. Looking gay as ever. Maybe he’ll grow out of the whole “I want to be a rockstar” phase and get a real job if he pulls through.

  50. Mama Pinkus

    Wishing Michael the best; this world would be one boring place without characters like Michael.

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