Bret Michaels is a Beautiful Woman: The Book

People might have got a hold of the cover to Bret Michael’s upcoming book Roses & Thorns, but thanks to my ability to make promises of mascara, The Superficial has obtained the full chapter list for what will, no doubt, be an epic tome of music and unprotected sex with illiterate county fair attendees:

I. I’m Not Bald
II. Full Head of Hair
III. Bandanas and the Art of Not Looking Bald – Which I’m Not
IV. Strippers Are People, Too. Sort Of.
V. Eyeliner Doesn’t Make You Gay. (See Chapter IV.)
VI. Being Honest With Yourself: Bret, You Have Luscious Real Locks of Hair
VII. Venereal Disease: Never Heard of It
VIII. Every Rose Has Its Thorn (I’m Contractually Obligated To Mention That Song 25 Times a Day.)
IX. Rock of Love: I Can’t Believe They Named a Show After My Penis – And You Watched It
X. Dasiy De La Hoya Might’ve Been a Dude. I Don’t Remember (Thanks, Jager!)
XI. Male Pattern Baldness: The Government Conspiracy. Or So I Hear. From Other People.
XII. Lyrics to Unskinny Bop