Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake, the “winner” of Rock of Love 2, have broken up. I guess every rose does have its thorn. And that thorn is made of total manufactured bullshit needed to launch a third season of Bret’s reality show. People reports:
Lake, who recently moved to L.A. from her native Chicago to pursue her career, also made it clear that she completely backs Michaels’s decision to take the show on the road for a third installment. This time it’s called Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels and the women vying for his affection will follow the rocker on a month-long tour across the country.
“Third time’s the charm!” says Lake, who plans to watch the new season and is happy to be a sounding board for Michaels. “I can’t stress enough that I support his decision. He’s going to take it on the road, and that’s where he spends the majority of his life. What a great concept.”
Yes, what a great concept indeed – for Bret Michaels. Has anyone ever seen the show? Here’s the formula to pretty much every episode. And if someone you know actually thinks this shit is real, you owe it to them to push them out of a moving vehicle:
-Bret packs a mansion with strippers, single moms and former Playboy Playmates. At least one of these women will look like she’s straight out of a Whitesnake video and/or used to be named Bill.
-The gaggle of whores compete in Road Rules-esque challenges that are so asinine Bret doesn’t even pretend to watch them while the show’s filming and, instead, rides his motorcycle around in circles.
-Catfights break out. Usually about who really loves Bret and who’s here to be on TV. (Hint: They’re mostly Shot of Love with Tila Tequila rejects. Except for the one psycho that’s allowed on each season to stir things up. She truly does love Bret and, if the producers cross their fingers hard enough, will stab a stripper to prove it.)
-Bret goes on a private date. Gets laid in a limo, haystack, or Ed Hardy dressing room.
-Bret eliminates a lady (Typically the one he just nailed.) while shedding a well-timed tear or two when really he can’t wait to stop filming so he can bang a hotel room full of groupies from the last county fair he just played.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: Jesus walks among us, my friends. And he wears a wig.
que | July 17, 2008 at 9:04 am
Que balding!
Hannah | July 17, 2008 at 9:04 am
One reason am glad I don’t have cable in Australia…
qwertygirl | July 17, 2008 at 9:11 am
“every rose does have it’s thorn” It should be every rose does have its thorn, no apostrophe.
Auntie Kryst | July 17, 2008 at 9:12 am
What a great concept indeed to take the chicks on the road with him.. It guarantees the shows he plays will actually have an audience.
Miss Kitty | July 17, 2008 at 9:12 am
Who is this douche?
LongShort | July 17, 2008 at 9:13 am
Live on stage: Brett Michael’s hairpiece.
Special Guest Appearance: Brett Michael’s hat.
toolboy | July 17, 2008 at 9:13 am
Has anyone seen him and Tori Spelling in the same room recently?? I’m just saying…
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | July 17, 2008 at 9:15 am
He and Flava Flav should host a joint show called “Walk of Shame” where the whores voted off each week can be filmed hurriedly dressing and wiping goop off of their chins as they walk to the waiting city bus. The other chicks should be allowed to pelt them with shit on said walk.
ph7 | July 17, 2008 at 9:17 am
Getting old sucks for everyone. But it can’t suck any worse than it does for an aging rocker.
One | July 17, 2008 at 9:18 am
he looks like Kevin Costner in a wig, all rocked out. Anyways, I thought Brett Michaels was married??? I’m so confus-ed-ed
veggi | July 17, 2008 at 9:21 am
Hottest. guy. ever.
Steve | July 17, 2008 at 9:25 am
Australia sucks. Fucking Vegemite eaters.
sixpack | July 17, 2008 at 9:29 am
extensions, yo! That fucking bandana never comes off. I want one of these Gentleman’s Club rejects to rip it off on camera and show the world.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | July 17, 2008 at 9:30 am
#3 – With the lack of grammatical perfection in your post, I think focussing on one errant apostrophe is the least of your worries, and the height of doucheyness.
Sell Porn Make Money | July 17, 2008 at 9:39 am
what a life. this guy hasn’t been cool for 20 years and he still gets a ton of clam.
Anna | July 17, 2008 at 9:42 am
“I guess what I’m trying to say is: Jesus walks among us, my friends. And he wears a wig.”
Whoever wrote that made me spit a little coffee on my desk this morning. That whole post was pretty damn funny. Nice.
qwertygirl | July 17, 2008 at 9:51 am
#14. “focussing ” it’s focusing.
Sportsdvl | July 17, 2008 at 9:59 am
It is amazing the depths to which whores will stoop to be on TV for a few minutes, whether it is with this loser or Flavor Fav or the Bachelor or whatever. It looks like a bunch of you have failed in raising your daughters.
# 8 – LOL
surlywench | July 17, 2008 at 10:01 am
Guys, when you hit a certain age, the long hair has to GO. It’s not sexy, it doesn’t make you look more youthful or cool, and it doesn’t do anything to hide your double chin or moobs. Ok? Thanks.
Just Jack | July 17, 2008 at 10:01 am
Here’s the funniest part – he lives in Arizona – WITH HIS WIFE.
No shit, he is married with kids. The joke is on anybody that thinks this shit is even partially ‘real.’
Richthegringo | July 17, 2008 at 10:10 am
#20 – you’ll find as of 2007, Bret and his wife, Kristi Gibson are separated and share custody of their children. There are rumors that they still live together.
The balding remarks….yeah, he’s losing it but has worn a bandana since the 90′s so christ knows how much hes got left lol
As for him doing a thrid season….its good work if you can get it!!! Anyone who says its lame to do another season is just plain jealous!!!
monkeyfightclub | July 17, 2008 at 10:14 am
supposedly all the contestants have AIDS for the next season
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | July 17, 2008 at 10:22 am
#17 – Here you go, your royal doucheyness:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/focussing
Thanks for playing. Please take this kick in the cooter as your parting gift.
LadyJane | July 17, 2008 at 10:25 am
I am so fucking glad I didn’t fuck him in 1989.
qwertygirl | July 17, 2008 at 10:33 am
#23
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/focusing
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | July 17, 2008 at 10:51 am
#24 – Did you wait until January of 1990?
squirrel | July 17, 2008 at 11:20 am
What an idiot. Cancel this show and Shot of Love. Force this plastic douche nozzle and that plastic Viet Cong leprechaun to wed, at gunpoint if need be. Watch said leprechaun give birth to Barbie dolls. For the win!!!
sixpack | July 17, 2008 at 11:56 am
#22 made me Elle Oh Elle for real. Horrible, but somehow funny!
Walter | July 17, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Won’t this be a violation of the Mann Act?
Sara | July 17, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I think the most important grammatical error here is that Amber actually spells her name Ambre. So gay……and just makes me think I’m hungry….
Melissa | July 17, 2008 at 12:51 pm
The shit is perfect for this has-been. He’s as disgusting and diseased as the trash whores that he fucks. It’s a match made in clinical heaven.
If Thy Eye Be Single Jones | July 17, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I was never interested in watching that douche show until after reading your synopsis. And still, I think I will avoid that show and wait for your book to come out.
grobpilot | July 17, 2008 at 1:19 pm
#14: #3 is basically correct. The only time “its” contains an apostrophe is when the word is used as a contraction of “it” and is” (it’s). By the way, “focussing” really only contains one “s”.
Let the douchyness resume.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | July 17, 2008 at 1:45 pm
#33 – I know about the apostrophe rule. The point is, if you’re gonna run around critiquing, you better not have a post replete with grammatical errors of your own. And “focussing” can be spelled with one “s” or two. Thanks anyway.
hey friends | July 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Is it gay if forced to choose at gun point: I’d have sex with Bret Michaels rather than Tila Tequila? I mean, he’s gross and all (and a dude), but she’s the nastiest ho-bag on this planet
Tr8cthis | July 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Doesn’t that wig itch after a while? WTF is up with that? I dont know whats worse. His fake hair or his collagen lips?
Tr8cthis | July 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Doesn’t that wig itch after a while? WTF is up with that? I don’t know whats worse. His fake hair or his collagen lips?
Moon Glow | July 17, 2008 at 5:44 pm
The water will never be hot enough, and there will never be enough disinfectant to clean that bus…
leg | July 17, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I really hate these people talking about the celebrities or rich men joined the famous sugar daddy and sugar baby service ???www.S u g a r d a d d y C o n n e c t. c o m???. Could you people please have a break??
Racer X | July 17, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Hairpiece, check.
Bandanna, check.
Hat, check.
/dude.
PettyPape | July 17, 2008 at 9:30 pm
#4, 6, & 7: Hilarious!
Bret M = Shitstain | July 17, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Washed-up, has-been, worn out, wrinkled, three-hit-wonder, fuddy-duddy, douchebag, shitstained, greasy, slimey, stinking man-whore.
Is there proof that adult, sane contributing members of society actually watch this oily viagra-addicted inchworm?
Anyone who would watch this garbage or sleep with a cumguzzler like BM are equally worthless.
what's it to you? | July 17, 2008 at 9:45 pm
It’s really great to see Bret and his hairpiece still alive and well. Not really.
KT | July 18, 2008 at 12:53 am
I like how you call single moms “whores.” That’s so sexy.
Sarah | July 18, 2008 at 1:44 am
The best part about that show- Bret Michaels is actually impotent. No joke. Aahhh cruel justice!
Jeshika | July 18, 2008 at 5:05 am
At least he’s carrying his own bags…
auzzie2006 | July 18, 2008 at 1:57 pm
he’s a disgusting pig.
redsonja1313 | July 18, 2008 at 5:54 pm
WHY DOES HE INSIST ON WEARING MALIBU BARBIE HAIR EXTENSIONS ???
Raquel | July 18, 2008 at 10:23 pm
This might be one of Superficial’s funniest posts to date.
Your Mom | July 20, 2008 at 7:09 pm
This is definitely going down as my second favorite post, after the Dog the Bounty Hunter/Sinus Buster: The Capsaicin Pepper Nasal Spray one. You’re too good, Superfish. Too damn good…