I was going to post about this yesterday, but then a bunch more important stuff happened, and this is me whenever I realize I can’t avoid a Kardashian post. So above is Bret Michaels posing with Kim Kardashian which he tweeted to Eva Longoria on her birthday because he thought it was her. Later, he’d explain how Amy Fisher wasn’t around to shoot Eva in the head, so this was the next best thing. Via BuzzFeed:
Wishing a #HappyBirthday to @EvaLongoria Hope your day rocks!
The tweet was eventually deleted, but only after explaining to Bret that women who don’t put out at county fairs aren’t cool about not remembering who they are and/or what they look like. He went to bed later that night complaining of a headache and died in his sleep. He was 50 years old.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News
Corporate office sends down the memo to get the nonflattering shit up on the web ASAP. Twitter analysis indicated people were forgetting to hate Kim Kardashian, gotta keep the numbers up, keep the money flowing.
Fuckin’ MOOOOOOOO
Both douchebags. Is that “evil eye” thing supposed to be cool ? Cuz it’s not … I thought it was supposed to mean “your wife is fucking around on you.” But it’s Brett Michaels, so I’ll consider the source. He looks so pleased to be posing with her. I’ve only seen the picture and all I want to do is shower.
She’s not even worth knowing. Eva Longoria all day every day. Fuck Kim K.
“Fuck Kim K.”: I assume you mean metaphorically.
Definitely. I would put my dick in this woman. Not enough money in the world.
Next: K̶r̶i̶s̶ ̶J̶e̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ Kim Kardashian sues Bret Michaels for copyrighting a picture of her without permission.
I’m always grateful when she’s all covered up in black.
MOO
When you’re pregnant, doesn’t the belly button usually poke outwards?
not always
Thanks for the view of your eye-damaging gut, Kim. Now, if you could take off those sunglasses, I’d like to reenact what you just did to me using these hot pokers. Brace yourself.
Eva may not be “a goddamn couch” but these pics definitely say “bean bag chair”.
Looks like she’s paying attention to doctor’s orders and knocking off a few pounds. She actually looks healthy.
Bret Michaels in his ever-present bandana. I think he wears it so it helps keep those few miniscule remnants of his brain from leaking out and staining his shirt.
Hey wait…you don’t suppose he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s, like, BALD, or anything like that, do ya?
I’m going to assume that one of the staples that keeps his wig stuck to his bandana came loose and impaled the part of the brain that differentiates Latina actresses from fat smelly cunts who’d blow their own fathers if it got them 5 minutes on TMZ
Randal(l)
http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/50006a9b69bedd0a74000005-400-/celebrities-as-normal-people.jpg
To be fair, they probably do look similar when their hair is soaked in urine and you can only see their back cuz’ you’re streaching their sphicter doggie style.
Why does he look like an awful Photoshop job?
What does Kim Kardashian and door knobs have common? Everyone gets a turn!
She looks like she will get huge and have pregnancy diabetes