Bret Michaels: ‘I Taught Charlie Sheen How To Win’

March 21st, 2011 // 43 Comments

While Charlie Sheen lays the groundwork for his tour to abruptly end in a hail of coke and donkey punches because he literally has no clue what the hell he’s going to do on this thing, Bret Michaels wants everyone to know he’s the one who taught Warlock Von Tiger Blood the secrets of winning. E! News reports:

“I showed him how to lose a lot of money, and he showed me how to make a lot of money. It was fantastic,” Bret says.
The hotel hijinks occurred years ago, when the duo decided to hop a jet to the Super Bowl.
“He was in a hotel room, and he was across the hallway, and he was talking and saying something, and I could hear him trying to bust something,” recalls Michaels.
After knocking on the door asking him what’s up, Bret says Charlie replied, “Man, I just want to be a rock star and bust up this room.”
To which the Rock of Love star was happy to mentor him in the fine art of suite-trashing.
“Charlie is a rock star to me. I mean, he’s a movie star, but he’s a rock star to me. I walked in there and I was like, ‘Are you mad about something?’ He said, ‘There are a few things frustrating me right now,’ ” recounts Michaels.
“I said, ‘Well, that’s what we got to do.’ A real rock star busts stuff out of frustration. You know you don’t just decide. When you’re in a great mood, you don’t really break stuff. When you’re angry about something and have some adult beverage, [it's] a good professional hotel room-breaking.”
The bandana-wearing singer says he then reached for a vase and the demolition began.
“So we destroyed that and we destroyed some other things and then security comes up, so we busted some more stuff, and it was awesome,” Bret remembers with a smile. “We paid for it. We did a professional destroying. It was great!”

I actually believe this because if you look at Charlie Sheen’s life, it’s almost as if he saw an episode of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels and went, “No, wait, I want to do that,” then chucked one of his twins at Brooke Mueller’s face provided I’m doing the math right. Let’s see… carry the one… multiply the mangled labia… divide by the square root of blow, minus the tits, and yep, he chucked a baby.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Oh Hell No

    Well, I guess ANY publicity is good publicity even if its a LIE….

  2. …and he taught Tish Cyrus how to swallow

  3. Any Guy

    can’t the wig glue seep into his brain already? this white trash superstar’s 15 minutes have been WAY over-extended.

    hey BALDY, let is SHINE you fraud!!!

  4. Funeral Guy

    Holy shit…do all celebrities take classes on how to not act like a normal human beings? What a bunch of assholes.

    • Tension Headache

      Two sick immature guys that think they’re the victims in life. What a couple of useless jerks.

  5. LIberal

    Just looking at him makes want to douse myself in lysol.

  6. slappy magoo

    “…and Dick Cavett taught ME how to annoyingly name drop and ingratiate myself in the scandals of other celebrities. Hakuna mutata, my friends.”

  7. Deacon Jones

    Dude, I fucking know this guy!

    He’s the security guard at Walmart! I didn’t know he SANG too??

  8. LIberal

    Hahaha, knee slappah, Brett. Good story. Charlie Sheen is killing himself and it’s all just rock n roll to you. You are just so marvelous. You skank!

  9. LIberal

    Never mind, she probably gargled his load.

  10. Rep. Peter King

    It’s sort of an embarrassing time for white folks.

  11. kj

    That’s some fancy hat-wearin’ the old fella is not pulling off.

  12. Well, that explains a lot.

  13. krunkkybooty

    This guy would take a money shot to the face by a homeless bum and let People magazine do a cover story on it if it kept him relevant for 15 more minutes.

  14. Anon

    Trashing hotel rooms for Jesus!

  15. Bret Michaels Charlie Sheen
    Senor Trout
    Commented on this photo:

    When Dog the Bounty Hunter dreams of the perfect son-in-law, this is the picture that comes up over and over.

  16. “I can only handle ONE in the pink and one in the stink”

  17. Huh

    Whatever, poser

  18. Eric

    I wonder if it smells like old sneakers underneath that bandana.

  19. Satan's bitch

    Sorry Fish, but it’s … Grammar Nazi time!

    Hale: free from disease or infirmity; robust; vigorous

    Hail: Something that falls with the force and quantity of a shower of ice and hard snow

    Voila!

  20. Eric

    Presenting the only guy who can make The Situation look less douchy

  21. Tension Headache

    Bret think that this is an accomplishment?

  22. Bret Michaels Charlie Sheen
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Brett Michaels blings out Ash Wednesday?

  23. Hola

    OMG I hate this guy so much. EVERYONE STOP watching anything that has to with Bret Michaels!!!!! It’s the people who tune into his awful shit, that keeps him in the spot light! Stop god damnit STOP

  24. The Critical Crassness

    “Poison”= Strike One!
    “Reality TV Shows”= Strike Two!
    “Sleeping w/Tish Cyrus”= Strike Three! (Have you looked at her?)
    “Teaching Charlie Sheen to Win!” =How many fucking strikes does one over-the-hill rocker get before striking out?

  25. chainsawbuzzkill

    “I taught Charlie Sheen how to win.”

    Yes, but who taught you to have no white part in your eyes?

  26. Bret Michaels Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    When men wear wigs, there are no winners.

  27. Girls on Pills

    He has nice eyes.

  28. Aussie Mama

    The head of cbs is begging sheen to come back now. he’s stopped in. now that’s winning!

  29. Bret Michaels Charlie Sheen
    Bangbang
    Commented on this photo:

    Ummmm
    Is this supposed to be a pirate…. with a cross glued with diamond on the hat?

  30. the captain

    america’s number ONE loser, bret michaels, speaks out……..
    SORRY FO THAT!!

  31. David

    what a stupid hat, why do these 80′s bands dress like cowboy bondage bikers?

  32. Vanilla

    Presumably Andy Dick taught him how to lose.

  33. Joey

    What’s up with him advertising the illuminati symbol?

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