Bret Michaels Denies Banging Miley’s Mom

November 10th, 2010 // 26 Comments

“But first, blowjays for everyone! Yay! Believe what Bret says. Wheeeee!”

Bret Michaels stopped by Fox & Friends yesterday (above) where he personally denied having an affair with Tish Cyrus because the word of a man who meticulously hides his baldness is one to hang your toupee on. Via Popeater:

“The answer is no,” Michaels replied.
“I’ve been friends with her family forever,” Michaels continued. “It started out with me and Miley simply working on a song together. Her mom, Tish, likes ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn,’ the first concert Miley ever saw was Poison, and so they wanted to remake it for the new record.”

Hmm… Miley was born in 1992, so if her first concert was Poison, I’m going to assume it was at a Tennessee county fair somewhere in the early-mid 2000s. However, everyone knows Bret Michaels has sex with all the bleached blondes at said county fairs per Confederate law, but Article 13 requires the implied consent of their significant others provided Bret doesn’t squeal about all the domestic abuse they’ll tell him about in the throes of passion. I’m going to need to consult an expert on this. *picks up phone* “Hello, Springer? It’s The Superficial. Bret Michaels banging Tish Cyrus, I need a ruling. — Secretly cousins! So that means they did fornicate, but it’s technically not an ‘affair.’ Got it. See you at Christmas.” They banged.

Photos: INFdaily

superficial

  1. dufresne

    Nice.

  2. Gareth

    I’d rather stab my balls with a knitting needle then bang Mileys mom.

    • Sure. You’d bang Susan Boyle given the chance.

    • RasputinsLiver

      Shit, Gareth (wwhat kind of mindless limpwristers name their kid…Gareth?. Nothin’ personal ya understand. You’re probably a decent kid. But damn, man. You should sue your parents. Reminds me of that old Johnny Cash tune “Boy Named Sue”)….

      …I’d rather stab your balls with knitting needles as well. But not just to avoid bangin’ Billy Ray Cumdumpster’s bitch, but mostly because it’d be fun.

      Again, nuthin’ personal, man. Just what your post makes me think of. Would’ve said the same things to someone else who posted what you posted, even the name comments if they had a dweeby name as well.

      Hey! Have a great day, man.

      *

  3. Pope Been-A-Dick

    If Tish had her snout in the trough she undoubtedly got what all the other pigs were having.

  4. JesseJimmy

    Well, he said they didn’t, so that’s the end of that story.

    Sincerely,

    John Edwards
    Bill Clinton
    Mark Sanford
    Eliot Spitzer
    Charlie Sheen
    Jesse James
    Tiger Woods
    Hugh Grant
    Jude Law
    Josh Duhamel

    • Pope Been-A-Dick

      You left off Diaper Dave Vitter, not that he gives a shit… Oh he did? I stand corrected, Dave made a boom-boom in his nappy.

  5. “Miley was born in 1992, so if her first concert was Poison, I’m going to assume it was at a Tennessee county fair somewhere in the early-mid 2000s.”

    Such an excellent point…Bret Michael’s is lying his ass off.

  6. If i were so desperate as to resort to miley’s mom i’d deny it too like amajinidude denies the holycost. Miley on the other hand id fuck on live tv

  7. “Bret Michaels Denies Banging Miley’s Mom… but is all, ‘YEAH I TOTALLY DID MILEY IN THE BUTT. TWICE.”

  8. RasputinsLiver

    *

    First off, lose the fucking bandana. You and Axl Hose. You balding douchey ex-big harid glam has-beens need to just accept the fact you’re lame geezers who haven’t done anything worthwhile since the mid to late 80s. In fact, you, Axl and that other dumbass big hair dweeb Bon Jovi. Bunch of pedestrian has-beens with maybe barely enough hits between you all to make one old fashioned 30 minute vinyl LP.

    .

    Second, Bretty-boy. Well, you’re a dweeb, man. Just some dumbass pansy has-been dweeb.

    *

    • He can’t lose the bandana. If he loses the bandana his head looks like the Hulksters or Terry Bradshaw’s. That whole Friar look isn’t appealing, even to late 40′s Cougars who still think he’s hotter than acid wash jeans!!!

      • RasputinsLiver

        At least Bradshaw flies his bald pate for all to see.

        I blame Springsteen’s guitarist, Steven Van Zandt for this idiotic trend. He was wearing a bandana as far back as the late 70s, early 80s because he was balding.

        Since then we’ve seen other dweeby cumdumpsters doing that.

  9. He fucked Tish Cyrus. Billy Ray don’t care so long as he doesn’t try to fuck Billy Ray’s real prize … Miley!!! Miley is allllllllll Billy Ray’s …

  10. Bret Michaels Denies Affair
    DirtyFootHunters.com
    Commented on this photo:

    He totally did it!

  11. Gilia

    Now that would be a great reality show – “Hillbilly Rock Stars Out of Control” – they just run around having affairs with each other and their assorted family members: grandma and grandpa, kids, kissing cousins, animals, etc… Sure everyone would watch that.

  12. Marco

    Funniest post in a while.

  13. Lovemypussyhairthick

    Will this guy ever go anywhere without that snot rag on?

  14. Oh Dear

    Superficial guy, this post was hilarious.
    Springer DOES handle all rulings on Southern Fried Fornication but that was supposed to be a secret here in Arkansas.
    Superficial guy has deep and devious ways of knowing secrets.

  15. anonymous

    I believe him when he says he didn’t bang Miley’s mom. What self respecting rockstar would deny banging any chick.

    Besides, you know he f*cked Miley. Why the hell do the old gristle when you already had the young tenderloin.

  16. Colico14

    He totally fucked her.

  17. Sutrimo

    I’m 23 and I smoke salvia. There’s noihtng wrong with it, it’s great for simple meditation when used in a safe environment. Please, don’t try to ruin things for everyone and try to make yet another substance illegal thanks to overhyped media reports.

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