Bret Michaels Denies Banging Miley’s Mom
“But first, blowjays for everyone! Yay! Believe what Bret says. Wheeeee!”
Bret Michaels stopped by Fox & Friends yesterday (above) where he personally denied having an affair with Tish Cyrus because the word of a man who meticulously hides his baldness is one to hang your toupee on. Via Popeater:
“The answer is no,” Michaels replied.
“I’ve been friends with her family forever,” Michaels continued. “It started out with me and Miley simply working on a song together. Her mom, Tish, likes ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn,’ the first concert Miley ever saw was Poison, and so they wanted to remake it for the new record.”
Hmm… Miley was born in 1992, so if her first concert was Poison, I’m going to assume it was at a Tennessee county fair somewhere in the early-mid 2000s. However, everyone knows Bret Michaels has sex with all the bleached blondes at said county fairs per Confederate law, but Article 13 requires the implied consent of their significant others provided Bret doesn’t squeal about all the domestic abuse they’ll tell him about in the throes of passion. I’m going to need to consult an expert on this. *picks up phone* “Hello, Springer? It’s The Superficial. Bret Michaels banging Tish Cyrus, I need a ruling. — Secretly cousins! So that means they did fornicate, but it’s technically not an ‘affair.’ Got it. See you at Christmas.” They banged.