Bree Olson is a Helper

February 25th, 2011 // 42 Comments

While Charlie Sheen spent his morning texting Good Morning America that he’s still showing up for work on Tuesday because you’re not winning if you don’t have hostages, Bree Olson put on her publicist hat and tweeted the least suspicious thing I’ve ever read in my life:

I don’t do drugs and neither does anybody around me. I used to drink occasionally and don’t even do that anymore. Yeah, I love sex, so what?

Wow. Case closed. I can admit when I’m wrong. In the meantime, how does one even end up on a private jet en route to Whore Island anyway? By tweeting the following, of course:

What’s more painful than anal sex? Not getting to have any anal sex. Would someone come fuck me in the ass please?

That was sent at three a.m. Wednesday morning, and less than 12 hours later she found herself in the air wondering if her love of anal sex didn’t just kill her. Physically, this time. Granted, Charlie says the gun isn’t loaded, but then why does he keep opening the door and firing at passing planes because “they’re the problem?” Also, he told a duck to stop dancing for “Hiram Jewberg’s bagel crumbs” then ripped its beak off after he swore it called him Ben Franklin. “Everyone knows he’s the faggot one. Or was it Adams? Oh, God, Mr. Quacks!”

Photos: Courtesy of ClubBreeOlson.com (NSFW)

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  1. Ismoss

    OK sick of Charlie Sheen no more updates till he dies of an overdose of drugs , or pussy.

  2. Just when I thought it was brunettes I preferred, you throw me a couple of hot-assed blonds the last couple of days.

  3. right

    Supposedly Sheen spent 900K on cars for his porn star gf’s just recently. It is only this girl and 1 other from what was written. That ass must be really be something to shoot cum up into.

  4. Rhialto

    Do you really think that i’m that stupid to make half the world pregnant? There’s a big responsibility on just putting a child on the world. I guess i’m not that much enough an asshole. I’m grouped and i want to move a little bit more free than otherwise. I would say keep staring on the numbers.

  5. Rhialto

    Good luck to them anyway. Quit tapping my phones and so on. Stop stalking me.

  6. Rhialto

    I must get out as soon as possible here because i can’t move an inch as a free citizen.

  7. me

    yep, SHE LIKES TO SUCK TOO.

  8. icu

    I’d like to helper.
    Help her lower her ass onto my dick.

  9. Elf

    “After the rest of C. Sheen’s girl friends had bragged about how deep they could go, Bree Olson just smiled while her chair slowly disappeared underneath her…”

  10. m.

    Bree is f-ing great. So cute, so dirty. If I had Charlie’s money I would fuck girls like Bree 24/7 and have briefcases full of coke too (I don’t do drugs, but just in case…).
    Then again I wouldn’t s*it where I eat, he had good thing going with “2 and 1/2 men”. Pissing off mr. Lorre was stupid. Pissing off Hollywood jews was retarded, they don’t forgive or forget

  11. XYZ

    Her future looks like… daipers and enema. After years of anal sex/anal abuse, dont tell me smb’s ass is still normal or close to it. Amazing how many porn stars defy the laws if Physics and Anatomy, isnt it?

    • Lt. Dangle

      rofl. This is why I don;t do “booty-love” , exit only. You can be fantastic in bed without a loose ass.

  12. Myclamisaninnie

    it

    is

    ok

    to love sex!!!

    but it is not ok to NOT love yourself. Men watching porn excessively is a HUGE TURN OFF to me and many women. It is weakness. I could do it to, but why should I ? And ruin my sex life and drive? Stay in shape, eat well, and be passionte. Simple No porn needed. Oh, and suck a mean dick!

    • K Soze

      the fuck are you babbling about? I’ve known plenty of women who watch a good deal of porn, and i’m not talking nasty skanks, before you even try to flip the script .. oftentimes they want to watch it with their significant other, find it a huge turn on, and if they dont, they STILL dont get bent out of shape that their man chooses to. And it has jack shit to do w staying in shape, eating well, and/ or being passionate. If that ruins YOUR sex life/drive, thats on you, sorry to break it to you.

  13. Rough part the internet. Yes, like the red sea

    I am looking forward to see the exact same answers when shes up on “Inside The Actors Studio”

  14. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Mel Gibson does not play dumb about 9/11 either.

  15. oh good she loves it when you are a pain in the ass.

  16. hmna

    Fish, I would like to personally thank you for moving Ms. Olson to the top of the page. You’ve saved us from immediately seeing Gary Shirley’s ass at the top. I thought we would be stuck until the Most Important People post. Kudos!

  17. Rufus The Cat

    Every home in america needs on of these!

  18. Bree Olson Charlie Sheen
    Christopher Connolly
    Commented on this photo:

    I believe Schopenhauer said something similar when he said “life is pain”.

  19. LJ

    If Charlie didn’t do his rant to Alex Jones, the letter to TMZ and the followup at GMA deep dipping into cocaine, or prescription amphetamines but did the whole thing perfectly straight, then the guy is just fucken nuts.

    No wonder people were telling him to keep his mouth shut. If he opened it the whole game would be over because everyone would find out that he’s really loony tunes.

  20. gluten

    ugh i don’t know why but this chick and most other porn stars look like they stink really bad.
    you know, kinda like a combination of VD, cat urine, semen, beer and cigar smoke.
    mmm, yeahs i wants me some of that

    • K Soze

      The ONLY way you could decipher that from these photos is if you’ve already got a bullshit preconceived notion in your head…she looks ridiculously well groomed and is beautiful, so for you to say she looks like she stinks, well, maybe thats just wishful thinking on your part, you sick fuck. funny part is, you say this shit but if she showed up at your door, you’d drag your tiny dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie talkie.

  21. Parker

    All anal, all the time? Haha, marry me, Bree.

  22. Bree Olson Charlie Sheen
    ...
    Commented on this photo:

    why is she using a dishtowel to wipe the Windex off the counter?

  23. buenaventura

    yeah, maybe i did jerk off a few times to bree olson, but i did never laughed to that human disgrace called “two & a half men”. and that, is called dignity.

  24. Kara

    She looks a bit scary. I used to think she was really cute until she stopped caking her face with makeup.

  25. Melissa

    Good luck with those Depends, Bree.

  26. Shlongface

    She was friends with a friend of mine. She’s ugly as shit without makeup on.

  27. AshleyThizzdale

    She’s gonna have a size 9 poop shoot. This whole article makes my starfish pucker with fear.

  28. Charlie and his gaggle of whores need to all just get in a limo and play Lady Di and the Paparazzi so I don’t have to see this shit on here anymore. He’s a coked out loser with a bunch of mental chicks with daddy issues who claim to love sex to try to justify the fact that they are simply greedy and lazy and in need of constant attention from guys to fill the gaping void inside and the fact that they know it’s all they have to offer.

    t’s been done it’s old it needs to die a flaming death.

  29. izzyprice

    I’ve never been to this site but man do these comments crack me up. this is better than television

  30. Bree Olson Charlie Sheen
    Phil
    Commented on this photo:

    How do you know when a porn kitten cums? Do you have to yell “Action!” or just sign the check?

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