BREAKING: Ryan Seacrest Got Drunk Enough To Touch A Vagina

August 22nd, 2014 // 8 Comments

“You! Yeah… you, right there. Black dress, stupid strap thingy. You get Cowell on the line and you tell that bastard a bet’s a FUCKING bet. He didn’t think I could do it, well, you tell him I fucking did it. I fucking did it all by myself with my hands on the slimy thing and he fucking owes me one hundred fucking MILLION dollars. Or.. or.. c’mere. I wanna whisper in your fucking ear: A hairy motorboat between those giant man-tits. Emphasize that last part. Wink!” *pukes in champagne bucket*

Photos: Abaca/AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on now, it’s not THAT bad.

  2. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ryan,

    I love you (‘re money so much)”

  3. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    A brief spell of wooziness after his deposit in the champagne bucket.

  4. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    A now a lifetime to contemplate the shocking & unplanned events of the evening.

  5. TheArtimus

    He was hoping for a tuck job.

  6. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    FarrahAbrahamsDaughter
    Commented on this photo:

    Willz youuu come be myyy new Cheslea Handler?

  7. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Did a double take—for a second I thought Ryan hired Corey Feldman’s favorite hooker.

  8. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Commented on this photo:

    Darkest Timeline Joel McHale.

  9. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    karen
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks happiest here – lots of gaiety.

  10. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    karen
    Commented on this photo:

    And here he looks resigned to the dreary task of licking pussy.

  11. A hot, eminently bangable babe, in other words, not his cup of tea when sober.

  12. Hmm

    How else is he supposed to make sure it’s a tranny?

  13. Blondes are the best beards.

  14. I don’t care what anyone says, Daisy Fuentes is still fucking hot!!!

  15. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    SD
    Commented on this photo:

    I LUUUFFF YOOOOUU

  16. Robb7

    He acts like a 12 year old touching a woman for the first time — oh so hesitant and cautious — and he would have to be shit-faced to even do that! Hate this guy for hatching the Kardashians and keeping them relevant.

  17. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    BlackManUSAonTwitter
    Commented on this photo:

    “Black people!?!?! What are YOU doing here?”

    “She’s totally not racist you guys!! Just Drunk!”

  18. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ryan, girls don’t have penises.”
    “WHAAAT?”

  19. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Back pain
    Commented on this photo:

    Which one is the woman in the pic

  20. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Back pain
    Commented on this photo:

    Now that doesn’t feel like a penis…i better let go

  21. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Back pain
    Commented on this photo:

    Im sorry but I’m gay!

  22. Ima gonna be honest.
    Ima like Bryan Seacrust.
    Hesa nice kid.
    Dos a good job widda kids ona TV, widda Murican Idol.
    Very professional.

  23. right

    fact is MOST of you are NOT funny. Give it up.

  24. Ryan Seacrest Drunk Shayna Taylor
    Jerry Verlinger
    Commented on this photo:

    What Ryan Seacrest can’t get drunk?!

    Oh, excuse me, you needed an excuse to take pictures of Shayna’s tits, so you put it on Ryan for having a good time. I’ll bet he got laid too.

    Lifes a bitch for the people that can’t get into some clubs without a camera in their hands.

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