BREAKING: Jessica Simpson Exercised

February 25th, 2011 // 61 Comments

“Please… I need butter…”

Do not adjust your monitors. This is Jessica Simpson leaving a gym yesterday where she’s been working out with Tracy Anderson, the woman behind Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow‘s current figures, although I’m sure she touts the latter way more than the former.

JESSICA: So, who was your last client?
TRACY: This corpse.
JESSICA: Ohmygod, she’s so skinny! I love it.
TRACY: *moves Madonna’s jaw* Hi, Jessica. You’re gonna be hot like me soon.
JESSICA: And she knows my name! I have to call my fiance.

Photos: Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, WENN,


  1. gogo

    there s no party if i m not FIRSSSST!!

  2. gogo

    good for her!!she shouldn’t overdo it though, it might hurt the triplets..

  3. Deacon Jones

    Let me guess how this shakes out….

    - Jessica “reveals” new and improved body

    - Gossip mags triumph her “return”

    - The View has her on and comments on what a powerful woman she is

    - Next day, the View has on women “with curves” and comments on how strong they are for being proud of themselves

    - Jessica develops coke habit to counteract increased drinking binges

    - Turns to scientology and converts sister, who does a stint on Celebrity Rehab

  4. Richard McBeef

    I hate those smarty pants Ivy Leaguers that can’t go a day without wearing their Yale or Harvard shirts or name dropping their alma mater. You are smarter than us, we get it.

    • no they’re not. they just have richer parents. half these yahoos will run their parents companies into the ground once they’re cut loose

      • Richard McBeef


        GW Bush went to Yale entirely on merit.

      • tv for my bunghole

        Hey Richard, same shit with Harvard and Obama. His transcripts have never been released (hmm), but we do know he didn’t make the honor roll at Columbia. That means his GPA had to be below 3.3 – and he got into Harvard.

    • Jackie Mcnugget

      Seriously. I mean okay already. You are extremely well educated and intelligent. You don’t have to keep wearing your Yale sweatshirt to rub it in. What’s next, going on CNN to discuss your recent findings in molecular biology?

    • How do you feel about the people who wear Ivy League sweatshirts, but never went to an ivy league school.

      Did you really think Jessica Simpson went to Yale? This is the chick who picks her nose and farts during business meetings.

      • Richard McBeef

        TV – AA = affirmative action

        MFS – come on… pretty sure it is universally known that JS is a grandiose moron.

      • The Critical Crassness

        Jessica Simpson dropped out of high school at 16 and later earned her GED.
        That hardly qualifies her for a Yale education. She has apparently never attended any college or university, except perhaps the Joe Simpson College of Boobology!

      • SIN

        She got straight A’s in that!!

    • Keyser Soze

      Lulz, If you think she went t Yale feel sorry for ya.

  5. Based on the window in the background, it appears she has to work out in lingerie. Maybe she goes for the edible undies.

  6. Her hoodie has a typo : it should read WHALE.

  7. i’d like to exercise my tongue into her butthole…

  8. keep wearin the black sweats jessica, they make you look thinner. espec pics 4 and 6, no one will ever see you have muffins growing over your knees

  9. Deuce

    “And now for a nice, relaxing, gravy bath”

  10. Aggie

    Nevermind her pretend excercising, she’s wearing a Yale sweatshirt! The people at admissions are not happy right now.

  11. Charlotte Corday

    Getting with Tracy Anorexia is the smartest move this chick has made in ages. Watch the pounds and the rent boy drop.

  12. The Most Interesting

    “Tracy told me to lock it up, so I bought this sweet company shirt!”

  13. You can always tell which people at the gym aren’t really working out very much. They’re the ones guzzling water every few minutes because they “feel dehydrated”….no dumbass, you’re not dehydrated, you’re just stupid.

  14. NTT

    Nothing like a Yale sweatshirt and a dumbf*ck expression on your face.

  15. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you SURE it’s a gym? It looks like she might have just scored some sex toys and trashy lingerie for 75% off.

  16. kj

    As a New Haven resident and someone who generally doesn’t care for Yalies, even I am offended by this woman’s befouling of the Bulldogs’ colors.

    Wait, maybe that’s the message? She thinks she’s a bulldog?


    P.S. tv for my bunghole: you just heard that on Glenn Beck and felt like posting it here, didn’t you?

  17. Rhialto

    I don’t think the entire world would blame us. They’ll say; we’re surprised it took that long this time. This isn’t a childish powergame or something. This is a game for adults and if you aren’t able to act like adults then you simply aren’t capable enough because the future will be asking even more from you.

  18. Sure, her clothes say “I just worked out”, but they also say “I went to Yale”. I call B.S. on both counts.

    • Cock Dr

      Didn’t her current gigolo go to Yale?

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, it’s her boyfriend’s or something. This girl doesn’t even have so much as a TV/VCR repair correspondence certificate to her name, much less a college degree.

  19. youcandieNOW

    Oh, Jessica! Tracy Anderson is going to kill you and that man loves your wallet more than your body anyway, so just give up and order that David’s Bridal dress in a size 14!

  20. BlackMetalChocobo

    I misread that as BREAKING: Jessica Simpson Executed.

  21. In other news……Yale files a cease and desist order against Jessica Simpson. The school is concerned her association will the college will have an even greater impact on their reputation than George W. Bush.

    • The Critical Crassness

      You mean Jessica Simpson isn’t George W Bush in drag? Are you sure?
      They both come from Texas, have the IQ of gnats and apparently some kind of ties to Yale…..that is too great a coincidence for them to be anything but the same person! That would also explain the foam rubber body suit that Obama found in the Oval Office after Bush left the White House!

      • I'm impressed

        Oooooh you are so EDGY making “”Bush is stupid” jokes! What brilliant wit lurks within the Superficial. We should all down and kiss your ass for being so original.

  22. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    dead cow walking

  23. me

    why do think she wears those enormous wide clothes?
    … noticed her fat face?


  24. Nero

    Maybe she doesn’t know how ‘jail’ is written?

  25. Rhialto

    The diversity of the “Yale” interpretations is at the same time a sanity test.

  26. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    She is such a duuuuuumb ass don’t know why anyone buys anything related to her…..

  27. Mr.Peanut

    Jessica Simpleton wearing a Yale sweatshirt…that is awesome.

  28. SIN

    Lets face facts. She IS stupid but has a nice set of tits. As long as we get to see her tits, she can do whatever she wants.

  29. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    does it say Whale on her shirt?

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