UPDATE: Charlie Sheen Rushed to Hospital

Charlie Sheen has reportedly been rushed to the hospital after calling 911 during his morning threesome. No, really. TMZ reports:

We’re told Charlie was taken out of his home on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance at 7 AM.
Two young women exited the house at the same time Charlie was taken out with a towel partially over his face.
… Sources say Charlie was having severe abdominal pains which triggered the 911 call.

According to his rep, he’s currently sleeping in the ER, which is clearly publicist double-talk for dead. Not that that means anything considering Charlie Sheen bursts to life as soon as someone puts a whore next to his pillow. On that note, this makes Jon Cryer’s appearance on Conan last night (after the jump) all the more hilarious, and you can tell how serious I took this news by giving up and only adding pictures of Charlie that involve Denise Richards in a bikini. Then again, they do bring a certain gravitas to the table even if most of it is focused in or around my pants.

UPDATE: TMZ says Martin Sheen is at the hospital now, so we’ve either got an intervention on our hands or someone wasn’t fast enough with the hookers. Story developing… on other sites. Call me if there’s a body.

UPDATE: So, uh, about that body thing. The situation is now “serious,” which let’s be reasonable for a minute, could mean anything from the quality of coke his agent brought him to Puritanical and antiquated rules against soliciting prostitutes with an IV in you. We can’t know for certain at this point.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin