Charlie Sheen has reportedly been rushed to the hospital after calling 911 during his morning threesome. No, really. TMZ reports:
We’re told Charlie was taken out of his home on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance at 7 AM.
Two young women exited the house at the same time Charlie was taken out with a towel partially over his face.
… Sources say Charlie was having severe abdominal pains which triggered the 911 call.
According to his rep, he’s currently sleeping in the ER, which is clearly publicist double-talk for dead. Not that that means anything considering Charlie Sheen bursts to life as soon as someone puts a whore next to his pillow. On that note, this makes Jon Cryer‘s appearance on Conan last night (after the jump) all the more hilarious, and you can tell how serious I took this news by giving up and only adding pictures of Charlie that involve Denise Richards in a bikini. Then again, they do bring a certain gravitas to the table even if most of it is focused in or around my pants.
UPDATE: TMZ says Martin Sheen is at the hospital now, so we’ve either got an intervention on our hands or someone wasn’t fast enough with the hookers. Story developing… on other sites. Call me if there’s a body.
UPDATE: So, uh, about that body thing. The situation is now “serious,” which let’s be reasonable for a minute, could mean anything from the quality of coke his agent brought him to Puritanical and antiquated rules against soliciting prostitutes with an IV in you. We can’t know for certain at this point.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin
How long before we learn that Charlie’s “abdominal pains” were caused by a gerbil colony inserted in his rectum?
Pssst! I wanna party with YOU, gerbil-boy.
Update: According to TMZ over one hundred gerbils and several tennis balls have been removed from Charlie’s colon and they’re STILL coming… Way to push the envelope, dude.
im gona be so fuckin mad if he croaks this year and michael douglas doesnt. fuckin deadpools lol
Never to late to update!
rule number 1 http://thedeadpool.com/rules.php
More than one deadpool anal wart.
point was you can’t WIN anything with a roster that’s made after jan 1. anal wart yourself lol
“See a doctor for erections lasting more than 4 hours..”
winner winner chicken dinner!
I’ll bet those really chap your ass..
Coke and Viagra…That mix could kill, directly and indirectly.
I guarantee he was hittin’ the nose butter with the two hookers into the wheeee hours and his heart started having palpitations….
Orrrrr, he ate at Taco Bell, had a severe case of the shits, and two dressed women, who just so happened to be up at 6:30 in the morning in his house, escorted him to the ambulance.
Either way, I hope he pulls through, he was funny as hell in Platoon.
*Sorting through FTD coupons*
And suspend lawsuit for now.
Cue Charlies’s stans in 3, 2, 1….
They pushed his butt plug in too far
Wow, I’d say so since the towel was over his face…
“Damnit Charlie, when I say no, I MEAN NO!” said the hooker in the room.
This man is “livin’ the dream” He screws the women we only get to jerk to their videos on pictures of.
What the hell are you trying to say?
You have to admire the eloquence of his authentic frontier gibberish.
+1 Internets.
I lol’d
It’s Gary Busey, cut him a break
What I am trying to say is this man gets to have real sexual intercourse with attractive females that we only are able to masterbate to pictures of.
Mr. Charlie Sheen is truly living the dream.
He choked on a pube that was crawling with STDs.
One of his own, then?
Dead as they come.
Chuck is dying Jessie James is in Israel, strande days indeed. Most peculiar mama.
lol james had to go to a jew to learn how to fix a 37 knucklehead.. priceless
He probably did enough coke to kill two and a half men last night. ZING!!!!!!
Hope he kicks the bucket, good riddance you were/are? a mess.
I saw a link on a Twitter feed that Charlie Sheen went to the hospital. My immediate first stop? The Superficial.
This site is also how I found out Michael Jackson died. I think this says something about me that I don’t really need said.
two hookers in the bush equals to one dead junkie.
Charlie’s lying there in the hospital, going “It was that last fucking pussy… god DAMN it, why did I lick it, WHY DID I LICK IT!?!? I was ahead of the game, Mister! Millions of pussies, never had a problem before–pussy, pussy, pussy, lick, lick, lick; PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, LICK, LICK, LICK!!! Never had a problem–IT WAS THAT LAST GODDAMN PUSSY!!!”
If he croaks at least Two and a Half Men can go out on a high note (it’s first).
MEEEEEEEEEN.
LMAO
+1
Mc Rib is back for a limited time…
The drop in gold prices gave him a stroke. He was too stupid to sell his holding last week!
yes, I’m sure you’re right, it just couldn’t have been the buckets of cocaine, banging 2 hookers at a time at 60 years old, and staying out all night every night pulling this kind of shit. had to be the price of gold that did it.
Denise Richard? Beautiful woman, but Juicy model she’s not….
Gawd, I’m so sick of Charlie Sheen. Just die already, dude.
He was watching the Octomom porno.
Mr. Sheen was having intercourse with a Chinese pot-bellied pig when he spotted the Octomom video playing on a nearby television. “Man, THAT is some SICK fucking shit,” he muttered before passing out…
In my expert opinion, I would have to deduce that Charlie’s boner was running at too high a RPM (rams per minute) and given his age and cocaine level, red-lined his heart, which caused a catastrophic loss of pressure in the boner unit.
He’ll be fine. He’s got the stamina of a mountain yak. He’ll be back butt fucking hookers and snorting bath salts by tomorrow night.
“the stamina of a mountain yak” lol!
How many years do you think Martin Sheen has been saying “He’ll grow out of it.” to himself? He’s holding onto that dream like the skids on the last chopper out of ‘Nam.
Is there anyone in here that did not see this one coming??? Why is this even news? Charlie will be dead before Two and a Half Men is through. And the final episode with be Berta finding his dead body in a pool of booze and vomit….
Can we get on to the more important thing here? We need some naked women. I have not seen any tits on this sit in a long time
And Charlie Sheen’s snorted coke off way too many. The Fish is helping us strike a happy medium here. On the other hand, fuck it – who needs a tit nanny?
Get Well Soon Charlie, you sir are a true American hero. Nobody can accuse him of not living his life to the fullest.
Charlie Sheen is beyond mere mortal medicine to comprehend. He’s probably in an advanced state of transitioning from carbon based life, to a more pure energy-cocaine-tequilla life form.
Then he will teach us all the way
Go toward the light, Charlie.
+1.
Die, motherfucker, die. And that’s not the, motherfucker, the.
Seriously… how much hookers and blow is it gonna take to get this man into an Oscars montage?
the AIDS and intestinal herpes has finally caught up with him.
why do so many chicks wanna do him? or does he pay them all? i still wouldn’t sleep with him even if i was paid. those are what we call standards folks.
Aeortic aneurism brought on by the coke and sky high blood pressure. That’s my guess.
DIE. DIE. DIE. horrible actor, stupid ass fucking show…waste of oxygen. I hope that it is a slow painful death. This guy is a fuck face.
Leave the guy alone Emilio…
I’m so upset by your rant, I made a horrible typo…
Leave the Charlie, alone Emilio…
he was stuck in a VAGINA with his mouth, folks.
Great comments. Your all a bunch of mindless sheep! as soon as the poor fucker dies you sheep will be calling him a hero and filling forums with R.I.P bs.. unfortunately the majority of you here suffer from mild mental retardation so ill end it here before your feeble minds lose concentration.
Charlie is already my hero and I have the highest respect for him. I think the people who talk crap about him are jealous because he’s famous and they are not. Cheers Charlie, the world still loves ya
Charlie you are the man that other men want to be like. Don’t let mental midgets tell you that your life sucks when it doesn’t and theirs does. You are a highly intelligent very talented actor and have done more in your life time than a dozen other guys combined. Keep up the good work as the world still loves ya.
Charlie, America loves ya, don’t worry about how the media likes to twist you life around.
you talking about a big a–. he has then all beat…look at all the folks he put out of work.. as- hole