Brandon Routh is packing

December 14th, 2005 // 33 Comments

brandonrouth442.jpgBrandon Routh, who is set to play Superman in the upcoming movie, must be feeling that same pride I felt when I realized I needed to switch from Magnum to MagnumXL condoms. The actor’s package will be digitally reduced because the movie execs found it too distracting.

The new Superman is giving movie bosses a headache – because of the size of his bulge.

They fear Brandon Routh’s profile in the superhero’s skintight costume could be distracting, reports the Sun.

Hollywood executives have ordered the makers of Superman Returns to cover it up with digital effects.

The Sun’s source said: “It’s a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well endowed and they don’t want it up on the big screen.

Not only is this more proof that Hollywood executives ruin everything, but it suggests they have no interest in accurately portraying Kal-El (not that Kal-El) Think about it, Superman was definitely hung. All Kryptonians were. It has to do with gravity. It’s science.

superficial

  1. Perhaps the the studio will release and “uncut” DVD version. Ha! Get it? Uncut? Yeah, today’s comedians could really learn something from me.

  2. Well that movie’s ruined,
    Superman’s package should not be censored!
    lol @ the ‘uncut’ DVD version

  3. Horatio

    Good God, does Lindsay Lohan have a great rack.

  4. saucerofmilktable5

    Now if only they could digitally enhance Kate Bosworth’s body to make her look less like a 12-year old boy…

  5. CCClub

    Why must all our heros have the anatomy of a Ken doll? Maybe that was one of his lesser know powers?

    “I use the hip super swivel and all line of sight is invariably drawn to my pants”.

  6. bafongu

    I know how awkward that can be. Girls are always looking at my crotch when I’m talking to them, they never make eye contact with me, and it’s so hard to get pants that fit right. Gosh you’d think having this enormous piece would be a blessing, but it’s sometimes a curse… ;-D

  7. naeco

    It would be stupid for them to censor it and by doing it, it would draw less numbers that they could of had because of people wanting to see it (women and gays). BIG MISTAKE!!!!

  8. naeco

    who cares if it’s too distracting, ain’t nobody complaining except for the incompetent jealous males.

  9. SpiderMomma

    That is probably it. The execs are suffering from major penis envy.

  10. Captain Awesome

    Ahhh yes, news from the truth factory that is http://www.ananova.com

    Last time I checked out those promo photo shoot of fruity here, he was packing asian goods.

  11. Juliette

    That’s hot

  12. youdontknow

    So, Jessica Alba admits that her breasts were digitally enhanced in the posters for Fantastic Four, yet this man’s actual penis has to be minimized….because it’s distracting. Ummm…yeah, that’s not a glaring double standard.

  13. MrPloppy

    youdontknow may well be right. But I

  14. Georgia

    Now I have no reason to see Superman.

    I’m sick of Hollywood catering to men and always showing womens bodie.

    I want to see MAN PARTS and I want them NOW!!!!!

  15. heatherie

    can we see an undoctored picture? please?

  16. andrewthezeppo

    This whole story is just BS to try and get gay men to be Brandon Routh fans….I saw those first pictures of him in the costume and the package was a far cry from distracting

  17. Captain Awesome

    andrew is right,

    All the posed shots of him that came out months ago of him in the suit only show what looks like ken doll syndrome, the guy is packing a smurf smoothie.

  18. IKillChildren

    I’ve seen those pictures of him in that costume. And if those pics were already “digitally fixed” then he must be packing something bigger than MagnumXL because Jesus Christ….that’s the type of guy that’ll make you bleed just doing you doggie style.

  19. derekd

    Haven’t these people ever heard of a modesty cup? R they trying to tell us it wouldn’t fit into one? Why is this making news? Its a bird! It’s a plane! ITS SUPER PP!!!!!!!

  20. Ing

    Jesus that is such a double standard..its about time us ladies got a bit of eye candy..they show women with nuthing on all the time..

  21. dhampir

    Why are they even worrying about it? The only people that go to watch Superman are those 30 year old men who live in their mother’s basement, watching re-runs of Starwars and eating Cheetos…wait…I completely understand.

  22. Seamus Begonia Smell

    this COULD just be a publicity ploy to develop buzz around the movie and some interest in a relatively unknown star. but…

    i love how they will digitally enhance women to be more overtly sexual (like christina ricci complained about her cleavage in the sleepy hollow promos), but when it comes to men, better not shatter any precious male egos! god forbid it may make them feel bad about themselves!

    we’re all superfical, give us the monster cock. please?

    i googled brandon, but i couldnt find more than 2 body shots, and one was already altered. if anyone gets an unaltered shot (pre-superman, even), post the link!

  23. drowningfool

    To all those women complaining that they always show women with nothing on and they never show men, here’s the reason: Women are objects with no substance and men are what heros are made of. Its been that way since the dawn of time. It will always be that way. So women of the world show us what you got and if you aint got nothin’ then go get surgery and if surgery doesn’t work I heard its less painful if you tie the noose really tight around your neck before kicking the chair out. Thank you. Thank you very much.

  24. drowningfool

    To all those women complaining that they always show women with nothing on and they never show men, here’s the reason: Women are objects with no substance and men are what heros are made of. Its been that way since the dawn of time. It will always be that way. So women of the world show us what you got and if you aint got nothin’ then go get surgery and if surgery doesn’t work I heard its less painful if you tie the noose really tight around your neck before kicking the chair out. Thank you. Thank you very much.

  25. drowningfool

    To all those women complaining that they always show women with nothing on and they never show men, here’s the reason: Women are objects with no substance and men are what heros are made of. Its been that way since the dawn of time. It will always be that way. So women of the world show us what you got and if you aint got nothin’ then go get surgery and if surgery doesn’t work I heard its less painful if you tie the noose really tight around your neck before kicking the chair out. Thank you. Thank you very much.

  26. drowningfool

    oops…didn’t mean to post that three times. Sorry!

  27. spamnews

    Ya, I’m thinking that this is all just a cover ’cause he is a little light in the crotch department and so now they have a ready-made excuse as to why, instead of the real reason which is he is hung like a housecat.

  28. Linnea

    *Swoon*

  29. EEE

    My Paris Hilton sexual fantasy is to be in LA one night, probably Hollywood. I

  30. americans_r_idiots

    wow #60 … you’re a retard…

    1. condoms dont protect against herpes

    2. “herpes in her mouth” or more commonly know as herpes type 2 is a lot more common than …as you probably call it “herpes on her crotch” and pretty much 70% of people have it so that means probably you do too. ever had a cold sore? that’s “herpes in her mouth”

    Chicken pox is also a form of herpes

    3. herpes is not only contagious when you have a breakout! what are you 5? i mean come on now, MAYBE THIS IS WHY PARIS HAS HERPES! BECAUSE YOU RETARDS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE DISEASE! herpes can spread when its dormant and a lot of people have it without ever having a breakout or knowing they have it and then spread it to the next “victim” seriously.. open up a f*cking book

    maybe next time before you try to make fun of someone brush up on your facts so people don’t think that you didn’t pass the 2nd grade.

  31. She can join us at http://h-date.com we all have herpes also.

  32. If you realy have a problem with herpes, have a look here:
    http://www.BiophyM.com

  33. ???X29X13X7XHerpesXMs.Paris Hilton probably had herpes-The Superficial-www.thesuperficial.com.????;]

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