Brad Pitt skips Cannes, skips baby naming

May 23rd, 2006 // 88 Comments

Brad Pitt sent an email to the Cannes FIlm Festival today saying he couldn’t attend due to the the “imminent arrival” of his new baby. Additionally, it’s being reported that he and Angelina Jolie are going to let Namibian Governor Samuel Nuuyoma name their new baby. He’s become a close personal friend and helped them find a safe haven in Africa.

According to American publication In Touch, Nuuyoma will stage a news conference on Friday to announce his part in the christening. The announcement has prompted many to believe Jolie has already given birth. A Namibian official tells In Touch, “It’s true. This is a great honour for Namibia and everyone is very excited.” The source explains that local custom will prompt Nuuyoma to visit Jolie when she goes into labour and officially name the baby.

I have no idea what native Namibian names sound like but I’m hoping they’re horribly unfitting for a white kid. Like Shaniqua. Or Afroman. Or maybe just a series of clicks and whistles. Because everything I’ve learned about Africa I’ve learned through sketch comedy shows.



  1. christieb


  2. gammanormids

    Good for them, they are quite er… normal compared to other

  3. christieb

    isn’t afroman that guy who sang the “cause I got high” song??

  4. redsonja1313

    Damn slow surever I was hoping for first :( Now I forgot what I was going to say

  5. Gene Parmigiana


  6. leahdeadly

    everyone is saying how this kid one the genetic jackpot…I don’t know though. It could be that this kid is really good looking…or it could go the other way. And look like Britney Spears post K. Fed.

  7. SABRINA627


  8. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    “Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”
    (Tell me there’s somebody here who gets that…)

  9. dasein

    I’m sure the name will be okay.

    I mean, what can be worse than Pilot Inspector?

    You can’t top that.

  10. BarbadoSlim

    What Brad and crazy Angie haven’t realized is that after the creature is born Angie is gonna get an old fashioned Namibian clitoridectomy.

    Mrs Jolie, you have a girl and we also removed that pesky clit for ya. HA HA!!! you got Punk’d!!

  11. ScriptRadar

    #6 – Indian kid turns to his father and asks, “Daddy, how do we come up with names”?…

    LOL! Great joke, Sodomy_is_for_Girls.

  12. Gene Parmigiana

    what’s wrong with sha-nay-nay?

  13. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Xenu bless you.

  14. ScriptRadar

    #9 – Perish the thought


  15. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I prefer A’aish’a'lashondra’lo’quisha, personally. Yay for made-up names because a true African-American like Angelina “don’t need yo white names, which rob us of owuh true heritage.”

  16. Sodomy_is_for_Girls


  17. Wow, they just couldn’t let all the other celebs have some spotlight for their babies…they just have to suck it all up, don’t they?

    I’m waiting for a celeb to give their kid a NORMAL name. And when that happens, I am going to shake that celeb’s hand.

  18. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Actually, “Owners’”

  19. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Having Nikk post between my two really racist posts makes me feel bad.
    Sometimes the humor of shock value doesn’t outweigh the wrongness of the statement.
    My bad.

  20. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Nikk, I read your whole MYSpace page last week, but was too drunk to contact you…

  21. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Christ, I drink too much…
    Can’t wait to read this tomorrow…

  22. M@ce

    Name baby M@ce.
    M@ce is good name. Strong name.

    Why big stomach lady give ‘Short-Round’ funny haircut?


  23. JungleChik

    Let’s just hope it’s better than Bluebell Madonna.

  24. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Just when I think you are milking the “Smash” thing too far, you bust out with a “Short Round” comment.

  25. Shelley Bonnechance

    I think it’s so…cute…that these two people, unmarried, several times divorced, et cetera, are having their baby christened.

    You wouldn’t have thought such a thing mattered to them. That’s actually rather nice.

    Angelina looks like she is just. About. To. Pop.

  26. Shelley Bonnechance

    But as for the whole name thing, surely it couldn’t be worse than any of the other dumb things pretentious, show-offy celebrities name their poor kids.

    Suri. I ask you….

  27. Ari

    Because I got high…hahaha!

  28. bondgrrrl

    Go hard or stay home? Africa looks like my kind of town

  29. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I say they name the baby Jiggaboo, a traditional Nambian name which means “Anjelina Jolie has a big floppy vagina”.
    Dr. Spock

  30. Iambananas

    She amde Brad Pitt weird! And she’s a homewrecker! (By she I mean Angelinia Pitt… oh, wait, they;re not married.)

  31. Iambananas

    Bt I guess she gave him waht Jennifer Aniston wouldn’t… a baby!

  32. 10pound

    introducing click click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click click pitt

  33. Iambananas

    That’s gross #30, and not appropriate!!! Sick that you would even think something like that.

  34. BarbadoSlim


    @33…add some tocs tocs in there and the kid’ll be good to go.

  35. poor celebrity kids, as if they werent gonna have enough problems in life because of their dipshit parents and backwards, retarded DNA, they also have to put up with having shitty shitty names. I am sure the parents only do it to make themselves feel special. They wonder why they have to conform to normal name giving, they are too important for that. I ask you, Pilot Inspector???? Moses?? Bluebell Madonna? Suri? Tinkerbell? Apple??
    when will the madness end?

  36. jemfysh

    If the Namibian Governor is calling a press conference for Friday, why does everyone assume he will speak about Angelina Jolie’s baby?? Surely he has more pressing national issues on his agenda?!

  37. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    34 – Hey, you know what’s not appropriate? Your face!!!

  38. TrannyGranny

    I like the fact that G. Bush can’t take over a 3rd world nation with the most advanced army in history, and Angelina Jolie made Nambia her bitch, effortlessly.
    Rock on Pres Knew Yo Momma!

  39. BarbadoSlim

    @37….no he doesn’t.

    I read somewhere that they’re even planning on making the day a national holiday.
    All of which tells me that, the world, will not be affected in the LEAST, if Namibia were wiped off the face of the earth.

  40. krisdylee

    Bet they don’t have any decent drugs at that hospital… hahaha. Angelina…. labour hurts like a mother-fuckin’ son of a whore.

    Name the baby who gives a fuck.

  41. krisdylee

    Osh, you make me wet and happy.

  42. Iambananas

    Name the baby “Arm”

  43. Iambananas

    Or, if it’s a girl… “Peach”

  44. Iambananas

    Get it?? Arm Pitt and Peach Pitt!! That’s Bananas… some other considerations…

    -Six Foot

    Okay, the last one is normal, but oh well.

  45. TrannyGranny

    lame bananas;

    I would rather take a dump on a picture of Mohamad, at that stupid fucking rock they worship at the height of Ramadan than acknowledge your existence….but, you ignorant cunt, you made me laugh with the “arm” comment. Nice work!

  46. TrannyGranny

    I got it without the explanation…done laughing. Taint funny if ya gotta splain.

  47. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Just like Canada.

    D’oh! Sorry, BigJim & krisdylee. I’m just kidding. But not really.

  48. Iambananas

    Ohh, wait…. THIS IS THE LAST ONE… I PROMISE! lol… make it:

    “Chris n’”…

    Like the BBQ sauce! Get it? I still think “Arm” for a boy and “Peach” for a girl are the best.

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