Brad Pitt pulls a Britney Spears

May 24th, 2006 // 322 Comments

Looks like Brad Pitt has been taking child care lessons from Britney Spears. Last Thursday he went for a bicycle ride in Namibia with Maddox and Zahara but didn’t properly secure Zahara in a child trailer, instead strapping her to his back in a blue papoose without a helmet. According to the author of The Safe Baby:

“[Zahara] needs a helmet and closed-toe shoes,” Holtzman tells Us Weekly, which features photos of the outing in its new issue. “And I highly recommend toddlers ride in a child trailer pulled by a bike. It’s more stable and secure.” Baby Talk senior editor Christina Vercelletto agreed. Makers of the baby-pack “specifically say, ‘Do not use while riding a bike,’” Vercelletto told us. “[It] will affect your balance. The safest place for her would be in a toddler bike seat.”

It’s encouraging to see Brad Pitt isn’t as good at parenting as he is at looking really really good without a shirt on. The only hope the rest of us have as human beings is that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be so bad at parenting their child doesn’t make it past age 12. Because if that genetically perfect son of a bitch reaches adulthood it’ll pretty much rule the world. Imagine the power of supermodels, but multiplied by 86 bazillion.



  1. pinky_nip

    venus flytrap

  2. rmeno

    #20 & #21 Yes I know what you mean…everyone thought that Demi Moore and Bruce Willis’ kids would be great looking…no luck there..not even one out of 3 look normal…

  3. TrannyGranny

    Awesome! and I just remembered my favorite: Cooze. Man, that just doesn’t come up in conversation enough.

    Jacq; The hands are decent sized, I really am 6’2″. Now, penis expert I need you to look at mine…closer….closer

  4. rmeno

    #83…yes I agree, strange looking…..even when she’s smiling she looks like she’s frowning…kinda like nicole kidman.

  5. k37744


  6. krisdylee


  7. Saucie


  8. rmeno

    Does anyone know how old Zahara is?? Seems like she’s had it forever and is ALWAYS toting it around…it doesn’t look like it’s growing at all…I think they carry it around wayyyyy to much! That kid will never learn to walk!

  9. Saucie

    special purpose

    For all you losers and middle school students out there that is a reference to the movie the Jerk starring Steve Martin. Rent it and learn.

  10. TrannyGranny

    poonany, gash, box

  11. pinky_nip

    I like to call my cunt “the velvet tunnel of love”. And its motto is “once you visit, you’ll never want to leave”.

  12. Marten

    I say, as an aspiring Celebrity Commentator, that there must be love between these two, because looks alone can only last about a couple months, Tops. And how is she holding that baby on top of that other baby? Are pregnant women’s stomach’s like turtle shells? That’d be like the ultimate defense. 9 months of neigh-invulnerability. I’d be pregnant forever!

  13. Saucie

    Pinky, you may not live in CO, but you’re still cool.

  14. Fa Cube Itches

    Hatchet Wound
    Cockholster (although more often used for mouth)

  15. TrannyGranny

    Saucie; I say we make her an honorary member *sprinkles granola*

  16. TrannyGranny


  17. Fa Cube Itches

    Tranny: Only 6’2″? Shrimp. :) 6’8″ here. Woo hoo!

  18. Jacq

    bacon strip

  19. pinky_nip

    Saucie & Tranny; you da bomb.

    I go well with merlot.

  20. bigponie

    why not just call it “pussy”, sounds more delicious

  21. pinky_nip

    Jacq: I know your bacon strip sizzles.

  22. Saucie

    #115 Okay, Tranny. *splash of Fat Tire*

  23. pinky_nip

    Blister Box

    oh wait, that just applies to Paris.

  24. Saucie

    Pinky, you are now an official member of the CO kool kid klub. Be sure to eat your granola, drink your Fat Tire and drive your car on the highway like an absolute asshole. Welcome!

  25. Jacq

    Tranny, are you typing with your penis? My mind is racing. I so look forward to talking with you here everyday.

    All of you tall boys stop it before you get me all excited and I slip off of my chair. I already had to have Stanley Steemer come here to clean it once.

    #109 – That movie is awesome! Come on, shithead! You mean I’m not black?!

  26. Saucie

    #125 I know we’ve only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.

  27. Jacq

    #121 – TSSSSSSSS! Don’t cook bacon naked!

  28. Jacq

    #126 – LOL – SOM

  29. Ari

    Tall guys give me trouble. I’m barely over five feet tall and I’ve had to experiment with tons of new positions(besides the obvious options) to deal with the height differences…

    However, I do get to feeling all safe and feminine when I’m standing next to a damn mountain…

  30. pinky_nip

    @124: Thanks! I’m blushing with anticipation of telling folks I’m actually from Colorado.

    Instead, I have the distinct “honor” of residing in Katie Holmes hometown. No shit. Her parents live a 1/2 mile from me.

  31. pinky_nip

    P.S. Hope that doesn’t effect my cool factor.

  32. TrannyGranny

    Fa Cube: 6’8″? My old roomate was that big, and he drove the tiniest truck, funny shit. Like a clown at the circus.
    Saucie, just remembered Hey, Coors drinkers: I live at the top of the watershed that produces the delicious Rocky Mountain Beverage, and everytime I get home from travelling, I go piss in Clear Creek. Just can’t help myself.

  33. Saucie

    Sooo, that’s why Coors tastes like piss!!

  34. TrannyGranny

    Ari; had a girlfriend that was 4’11″ once, I could pick her up with one hand. Short, bendy chicks rule!

    Pinky; That is so bizarre that her parents live by you. I could send you pics of your new state, it’s pretty awesome. Although Saucie is right about the drivers. Considering we have a shitload of 12,000 foot plus passes, and they don’t have guardrails, you’d figure the drivers would be better.

    Jacq; and to I used to think you were a guy, you sexy bitch. tyght defefe juik….nope, can’t type with the penis, though.

  35. Ari

    I’ve gotten to where I really like guys that can toss me around like a ragdoll, so.. yeah, being small can be fun.

  36. Fisher55

    the vag thread

  37. pinky_nip

    Yeah, I couldn’t pick them out of a crowd of one, but everyone knows where they live. You should see how fucking excited the fucktard local newscasters get if they think her and tom will be in town. They act like they’re going to be shopping at our local mall.

    Oh yeah, an even bigger celeb from Toledo… Jamie Farr. What a fucking fag. Throws a big LPGA outing here every year. Lesbians as far as the eye can see.

  38. Fisher55

    speaking of beef curtains, how bout that steak ad up there…yum

  39. BigJim


    I don’t believe that cooze directly applies to describing female genitalia. Rather, I think it is used to describe what comes out of the female genitals.

    For example:

    Cunt + Ooze = Cunt Ooze = Cooze

  40. BigJim

    Furry vertical burrito
    Bearded clam
    Camel toe

    And a whole bunch more here:

  41. bigponie

    smells like “pussyfart” in here…

  42. pinky_nip

    And are you diggin’ it?

  43. Saucie

    the “o” superhighway

  44. krisdylee

    I enjoy experimenting what can fit in the Velvet Tunnel of Love. Last week it was a banana, Papa’s cock, my tongue and Osh’s thumb, which was dipped in peanut butter, ALL AT THE SAME TIME…

    Tomorrow, I thought I’d try my foot, Tranny’s balls and some chocolate syrup.

  45. BigJim

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I just love the word “cunt.”


    Cu cu cu Cunt!

    I love the word, and I love them. Cunts are wonderful, beautiful things, especially when they’re shaved.

  46. pinky_nip

    Thanks krisdylee. If your tunnel was a cottage I’d rent it for the summer.

  47. BigJim


    You let your dad fuck you? That’s kinda creepy. Oh, were you talking about PapahotNuts?

    Well, that’s still creepy.

  48. krisdylee

    BigJim, I like the Southern Smile the best. I’m grinning like crazy right about now.

  49. krisdylee

    BigJim, you’re not jealous that I didn’t mention you, right? Cuz I ain’t sharing you with any of the whores around here. Your cock is mine.

  50. BigJim

    Then I hope you never find out about me and Zanna.

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