Brad Pitt is adopting Angelina Jolie’s kids

December 5th, 2005 // 21 Comments

pitt-adopt.jpgI put off writing about this because I wasn’t ready in my heart to accept it, but Brad Pitt is in the process of adopting Angelina Jolie’s kids.

A legal petition seeking to change the names of the children to Zahara Jolie-Pitt and Maddox Jolie-Pitt was filed Friday in Los Angeles, publicist Cindy Guagenti said in a written statement to The Associated Press.

“We are confirming that Brad Pitt is in the process of becoming the adoptive father of both children,” the statement said. “No further comment is being made.”

Looks like my dreams of stealing Angelina Jolie away are officially crushed. It wasn’t as depressing as when she married Billy Bob Thornton, since he’s an ugly sack of old smelling flesh and you knew Angelina would eventually come to her senses, but Brad Pitt is a decent looking guy, and if he becomes the father of her children the odds of them breaking up pretty much drops to zero. And if they don’t break up, I probably won’t get a chance to sleep with Angelina Jolie. And if I don’t get to sleep with Angelina Jolie, I’ll probably have to stick my head in a blender. And if I have to stick my head in a blender, I’ll probably be dead. And that, my friends, is low on my list of things to be.

Brad Pitt to adopt Angelina’s children [CNN]

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  1. Ok, you can’t say anything mean about this. You have to give him credit. It takes a big man to do something like this.

    **applauds him**

  2. S mack

    Too bad for you!

  3. michmel

    i don’t know.. adopting the kids seems altruistic on the surface, but i think brad and angelina have an ulterior motive, with all their galavanting around the planet, grabbing up cute babies as they go. they’re obviously assembling an international army of future ninjas. i mean, that’s clear, right?

    plus, angelina’s an alien with fish lips who makes out with her brother and steals husbands. the blender option sounds like a dream compared to making sex on her.

  4. Bill Clinton

    “Brad Pitt is in the process of adopting Angelina Jolie’s kids”

    So
    Brad Pitt’s house keeper will raise Angelina’s house keepers kids while they frolic in the limelight of their shortlived romance. Then they’ll fight over whose housekeeper gets to raise them after the divorce. Hollywood should be sterilized.

    I hope Hillary doesn’t read this. She just sent another fund raising letter the actors guild mailing list.

  5. HollyJ

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but even without the existance of Brad Pitt, I suspect that your chances to score with Angelina Jolie are about as good as the random chance that overnight tonight, I will have sprouted a huge penis and testicles and will live out the rest of my days as a man.

    Don’t feel badly… She has the attention span of a gnat, except when it comes to starving Africans and homeless children. Luckily for you, Brad is neither of those. So in a few years, you may get your chance!

    When you do hook up with her, let me know, and I’ll send Superficial a photo of my new genitalia!

  6. “i think brad and angelina have an ulterior motive, with all their galavanting around the planet, grabbing up cute babies as they go. they’re obviously assembling an international army of future ninjas.”

    I agree there’s an ulterior motive there…but I suspect it involves crushed ice and an industrial-size blender. Maybe I’m wrong, but Angelina has that “Elizabeth Bathory” vibe going.

  7. Belle

    Now I think we are all overlooking the tragedy of this news; take a look at the bigger picture. Poor Zahara and Maddox were already named Zahara and Maddox- and that sucks enough in its own. But to go and make their names even more goofy? Why that’s just sadistic, I tell you.

  8. CompulsiveThinker

    “…And if I don’t get to sleep with Angelina Jolie, I’ll probably have to stick my head in a blender. And if I have to stick my head in a blender, I’ll probably be dead. And that, my friends, is low on my list of things to be.”

    LOL!!! Who’s this guy?? He’s really funny! I visit this website not only to find out about the latest celebrity gossip, but also to read his comments!!

  9. Cheyenne_1

    I agree with Bill: this just adds Pitt’s housekeeper to the equation…

    and now the kids get told to identify with nit one but two narcissists as their “parent”. Jolie should’ve gone with collecting International dolls, instead of internatiuonla live children, and Pitt should’ve just gotten a puppy. … but I guess someoen needed to fill the Mia Farrow/Woody Allen role.

    Pitt will wait until Zahara is 14 then run off to Cuba with her and text message Jolie that he’s been living dishonestly and has to be with the girl he truly loves.

  10. Tiana

    I guess it’s back to the Lisa Dergan cardboard cutout. Provided the crisco doesn’t seep through and result in the deterioration of her inner thighs, she’ll probably never let you down.

  11. hafaball

    hey, I did my litle story thing on this too. :D

    Mine was funnier. :P

  12. xd

    they’re both sooo hot and gorgeous!!! the hottest couple ever, so perfect!! they should have a kid together because it would have to be BEAUTIFUL with such gorgeous parents…

  13. Gambitgirl

    brad’s doing this b/c this is a sure-fire way to make it very hard for jolie to dump him once her eye wanders over to her next male co-star. he’ll have visitation rights once she kicks him to the curb and she’ll never bet totally rid of him. $5 says she’ll try to have his parental right severed once they break up.

    i hope both of them are miserable together.

  14. BadassFred

    Awww!

  15. I guess this means Brad won’t have time to hang out with Bart The Bear anymore. See? This is what happens when you go and adopt third-world babies. Bears get left behind.

  16. tuesday

    Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance. Brad is a flake. He can’t stay with any one woman for very long. He’ll dump her when the next tart comes along.

  17. HollyJ

    Cheyenne, you’re confusing Brad with Woody Allen

    Maybe Soon-Yi and Zahara will create a Sisterhood of Ex-Daughter Wives.

  18. hafaball

    I don;t think jolie can get preggars…hint hint on the two adopted babies. just like jen lopez, wah wah waaaaah.

  19. Cheyenne_1

    Yep. Like I said HollyJ, “…but I guess someoen needed to fill the Mia Farrow/Woody Allen role.”

    I think Brad is a ringer to follow in Woody’s fotsteps, don’t you?

  20. PostAcidYouth

    They didn’t do that to promote a film, did they? Of course not. Who would do something so shallow…..?

  21. darlene

    children is a gift from god and i thank angelina and brad know that they both love children and each other. people just need to leave them alone. angelina is very down to earth and she takes care of her children her self. she has done some wonderful thangs know one knows about that are private and it comes from the heart.thank god for people like angelina and brad they belong together.they are a family they make a great mom and dad.

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