Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s wedding

March 17th, 2006 // 74 Comments

brad-angelia-weddin.jpgOh goodie, the big day is finally here. According to the BBC, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be wed in Laglio, Italy soon. Neighbors have reported “a lot of movement” at George Clooney’s villa, where they are expected to hold the ceremony. Though the mayor of the town has not yet been contacted to officiate the wedding, his wife comments:

“Even if they contacted him an hour before, he could still marry them.”

Immediately following the wedding, the couple is expected to travel to Russia, where orphans are on sale 2 for 1 this weekend only.



  1. ir0ny!

    no, it doesn’t really matter anymore that they get married. AJ is already setting herself up to be broken up with anyway, since she’s so afraid their marriage won’t last.

    but her plan is probably more like, have Brad’s baby, & then tell the kids all to say bye-bye to Brad. (& maybe she’ll break the news to him that the kid’s not really his anyway, but she had to use him b/c she’s pregnant.)

  2. ohnoudint

    #46 too funny, and a mullet cut to go with that tail

  3. Grphdesi23

    Jen will get the last laugh on this one.

    Just wait and see.

  4. Grphdesi23

    And by the way…..Brad is SO pussy-whipped!

  5. Grphdesi23

    Angelina will break Brad’s heart.

    She’ll take the kids and go back with her former lesbian lover, Jenny Shimizu.

  6. gogoboots

    I thought this was an untrue rumor about them marrying at George Clooney’s villa. This is so last year!

  7. gogoboots

    Jen is probably eating her fingernails for sustenance at this point…certainly looks like it…

  8. Magus

    so, they are going to get married at George Clooney ‘s crib ? that should be interesting : Brad marries Angelina, but spends the wedding night with George …

  9. URalllosers

    Adopting children makes you a better person. The kids are lucky to escape the horrible situations they are in.

  10. AnnoyingPseud

    After Angelina squirts out her womb booger, into Brad’s waiting baseball mitt [all sterilized and what not], she’ll be taken to the recovery room where she’ll sign papers to adopt another 42 orphans from various horrendous countries in Africa and a couple from India.

    Then she’ll be dubbed the new Mia Farrow, as she and Brad will likely never marry. In about 12 years time Brad will have taken an unholy interest in one of the older adoptees, female, and lo and behold, they’ll come out as “in love”, and icky photos of the adoptee girl will be discovered by Angie, touching off a huge custody and Social Services battle, much to the delight of tabloids and The Superficial. Brad and his new “love interest” will then secretly wed, reemerging as a settled couple on the Upper East Side.

    Meantime, Jen Aniston will have married some nobody banker from Long Island and had a passle o’younguns, who all look like J.Crew models. She’ll be smuggly snickering to herself in subsequent interviews, barely able to contain her glee.

    Man, I love bitter divorces and love triangles!!! I love the smell of bile in the morning!

  11. the mayor is a woman.

  12. Cheyenne_1

    I love what Michael Douglas has to say about Brad’s little jaunt with AJ.

    “”I don’t know about Brad Pitt, leaving that beautiful wife to go hold orphans for Angelina,” Douglas says. “I mean, how long is that going to last?”"

  13. Meghann

    “Go on and raise yourself a little Muslim terrorist.” – #7

    You’re disgusting.

  14. AnnoyingPseud

    Making fun of Muslims is fine by me. So is making fun of Scientologisticals, Xtians, Buddahists and whatever else is out there including but not limited to the Haley-Bopp Comet Riders. They’re all fucking fantatical lunatics, believing in a Big Sky Pixie who goes by various confusing names, some of which involve pronunciations with pops and whistles. Like a dolphin.

    If we can call them bible thumpers, then we can call them camel jockeys. Fair is fair afterall.

  15. Meghann

    There’s a big difference between calling someone a camel jockey and calling them a terrorist.

  16. Ashlee

    #20 – So true and so FUNNY!

    I guess when you are a spoiled adopted rich kid you don’t have to learn to walk. If they keep carrying them around it might actually limit the number of children they can adopt. Hahahaha

  17. Larry

    I’m sure it will be a quiet and tasteful ceremony, with orphans of various Third World catastrophes in attendance as human accessories while Himbo anxiously prepares to make an honest woman out of Angelina — once, that is, she finally waddles her naked swollen belly, specially tatooed for the occasion, down the aisle. Ah yes, another state wedding.

  18. I could image what jen and vince baby will look like she’ll have the baby covered up with a white blanet all the time..

  19. JESSE

    Are you retarded #5? She did not let herself go, SHE IS PREGNANT!!! DUH!! Maybe all the women here who have been pregnant should give you a FATTY lip!!!

    I hope she does break the dumb idiot’s heart! What goes around comes around…

  20. JESSE

    #5 my apologies!! My comment is meant for #2!!!

    By the way, I love The Superficial. Some of us have a great sense of humor & truly are funny!

    Luv ya guys

  21. mamacita


    Um, yeah, #2 was being sarcastic.

  22. QOTD

    Well Woo,Hoo to #2 for his sarcasim!! Thank you very much mamacita for that useful peace of information! ANYWAY, moving on to the real line of conversation here! Ewwww to Angelina. She looks horrible. She looks even skinnier now than before getting pregnant. Great role model for all the starving kids of the world!

  23. QOTD

    #69 I hope she rips his heart out!!!

  24. mamacita


    “Thank you very much mamacita for that useful peace of information!”

    Hey, you used the wrong ‘peace’. For that sentence, what you’re looking for is ‘piece’. Try it.

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