Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s wedding

March 17th, 2006 // 74 Comments

brad-angelia-weddin.jpgOh goodie, the big day is finally here. According to the BBC, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be wed in Laglio, Italy soon. Neighbors have reported “a lot of movement” at George Clooney’s villa, where they are expected to hold the ceremony. Though the mayor of the town has not yet been contacted to officiate the wedding, his wife comments:

“Even if they contacted him an hour before, he could still marry them.”

Immediately following the wedding, the couple is expected to travel to Russia, where orphans are on sale 2 for 1 this weekend only.



  1. Tania

    I’m first! Eat it!

  2. Jacq

    Did Brad burn his possessions when he left Jen? Why does he always look like he’s dressed to be an extra on ‘My So Called Life?’ BTW has anyone seen Angelina lately? Man, she’s really let herself go. Fatty.

  3. LinguisticAnthro

    I took Italian in college and I still can’t properly pronounce that town name. And now it will haunt me all day. It’s a doozy.

    Also: they’re getting married at George Clooney’s house. Psht. Lame.

  4. Tania

    I was so busy with whole “I’m first thing” that that I forgot my comment. And yes, I fully expect a whole barrage of “1st Retard” and other “1st”-related insults.

    Who cares when/if they get married. I’ll be interested in a couple of years when they get divorced and start dividing up their troop. And I loved the 2 for 1 orphan comment, good stuff!

  5. These wonderful, kind-hearted people deserve the wedding of their dreams!

    Mainly because they’ve promised to buy a couple of kids off me and I don’t want to be stuck with the little bastards now I’ve paid the import duty from China.

  6. LinguisticAnthro

    Just for the record: nobody cares that you got the first comment. Sorry to inform that I will not be “sucking” anything of yours.

  7. Sheva

    Why go to Russia to buy more kids? There’s got to be some Albanian ones for sale right there in Italy.

    Go on and raise yourself a little Muslim terrorist.

  8. Devin

    Is it just me or has The Superficial lacked in humor as of late? …sucks.

  9. Jacq

    #6 – You don’t need anyone else to help you suck.
    P.S. She said eat it not suck it.

    Everyone loves first.

  10. Cynicharisma

    I have to hand it to her for having the guts to marry while she’s pregnant. Those pictures are with you for the rest of your life.

    Of course, when you marry fourteen times during your life, I guess the pictures from just one of those marriages aren’t all that important.

  11. mamacita


    She didn’t say “suck it”, she said “eat it”, Mr. Serious Pants.

    #5 Great googly moogly!! That was freaking hysterical. Go ahead and pack them up in their boxes. Just make sure you poke some air holes in there.

  12. mamacita

    #9 Damn, you beat me to it. Additionally, I think Brad Pitt bought all of Jared Leto’s old clothes off of him since Jared’s decided to start dressing like a priest.

  13. inspector11

    When will the adoption agencies finally get their act together and start putting foreign babies in the celebrity “schwag bags?” Isn’t that quicker?

    And if you don’t want one because you’re so busy, you can just jame that little critter into the Jolie-Pitts mail slot or into any old post office box to ship them home. I mean, c’mon people!

  14. Ramdonomo

    #13, I hear they’re in next year’s Oscar bags. You win.

    And I think Brad and Angie are sweet. Go them. I’ll be marrying George there NEXT weekend. Kthnx.

  15. So will they use “Fraud” on the annulment papers or will they stay married long enough to be old fashioned and get an actual divorce?

  16. Jo Jo

    Make fun of Brad and Belly but leave the kids out of it. It’s like making fun of your aunt with one eye. It’s not funny and it’s not nice.

  17. krisdylee

    Damn, the fucking post office lost my invitation to the wedding. Now what will I do with this gravy boat?????

  18. mamacita


    You’re not the boss of us! Pfffttttt :p
    Besides, it IS funny.

  19. wari06

    george clooney said a few months back that him and brad had this conversation about how funny it would be if they made the press spend all this money to go to his house in italy for a fake wedding. although really at this point, im so sick of brad and angelina they could have all the fake weddings/real weddings they want (because really they have to stay in the public eye somehow right?), adopt 10 more kids from each continent and mess them up as much as they have the other ones, and i could care lesssss

  20. totsie

    Is she going to carry that kid down the aisle with her? I don’t think she’s put him down once in the past three years…

  21. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Will they hurry up and get divorced (I mean married) already so we can all go back to our lives? Geesh.

  22. manunited

    hopefully it can only turn into one of those tragic stories where they finally get hitched, go flying off into the sunset for their honeymoon in their private jet (without the kids), he’s flying it although he doesn’t have much experience & then… wait for it… total JFK Jr. & Carolyn. But how ironic would it be that those kids that were most likely orphans before would become orphans again, except this time they have so much fucking money they can do whatever they want & don’t have to worry about getting yelled at by their parents.

    whew. good times.

    (but I hope it happens after she gives birth so their seed will live on forever & ever taunting the shit out of Aniston)

  23. tito

    #22, do I hear CBS at your door in talks of buying your reality show?

  24. bravegirl01

    #13, you are priceless! I snorted my diet coke w/lime out thru my nose! and now I have to reimburse my boss for a new laptop…


    # 22

    You are TWisted,, Whoa

  26. L.ronhubbard

    These two hoseheads are the dullest celebrities on earth. Can we please move on? Bring on the tits and ass!

  27. M@ce

    28th!! Yeah, baby 28th…suck it!


    I just think it may be true this time, At least I hope so, I love the Pitt-Jolies, but I am really over this are they getting married this weekend drama. Just do half of America will be happy, the other half will be yawning,,


    # 27 for them to be dull, that sure are getting a helluva lot of play/coverage/magizine time/ air time/ internet time. etc,,,etc,, etc.. I would hate to see what would happpen if they where, “”exciting”"

  30. Jayne

    that’s the thing #30.
    The fact that Jolie and Pitt walk through an airport.. that gets plastered all over the tablods.

    It is rather dull.
    They’re not really DOING anything.
    They’re simple “sighted” at a starbucks together and people are stick freaking the hell out about it.

    I’m waiting for creepy Jolie to re-emerge.
    Or another daddy-daughter dispute to come up.

  31. Jayne

    … still* not stick..

    ohhhhh me.

  32. Jacq

    #22 – The plane would crash INTO Aniston. The three of them would perish in a love-triangle for the ages.

  33. mamacita


    Maybe it would happen in THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE (oooooh spooky) and everyone will say how eerily foreshadowed it was in the whiny ass interview Jennifer gave shortly before the INCIDENT………………………….

  34. #28, LOL Funniest shit on earth!!! I’m still laughing.

  35. wildchildintn

    #20..Sooo not true..I was starting to wonder if he could even walk until the new one came he’s always dragging behind them..poor maddox..replaced..and she’s not even as cute..

  36. wildchildintn

    #28…lmao…people like you are the reason I come here…

  37. manunited

    #31: I can’t wait for the daddy-daughter dispute “The Truth Behind the Creepies” to finally come out… we all know that man touched her in places daddies only touch mommies and that is why she has had so many fucked up relationships with men & her brother.

    Of course this will only come out after their plane crashes into the Bermuda Triangle (thanks mamacita)and Jolie leaves it in her will that Jennifer Aniston is left the copy of Jolie’s diary, thoroughly explaining everything.

    Christ I need to lay off the pipe & the sauce.

  38. bunnyhugger

    a little off subject here, but:

    george clooney is supposed to be the leader of the new “rat pack”.
    with geo and brad so close, and brad adopting the kids does that make him the new (wait for it…)
    (i’m so sorry, that was really funny in my head)

  39. magickal

    #38- I laughed so hard I snorted! Picturing Jen reading the diary and looking for a razor to slit her own throat.

    Is there not a limit to how many children you can adopt? In a year’s time at least? I read Angelina was looking to adopt twins before she pops the “real” one out??? For the love of God. And Brad now looks like a haggard shell of his former self, lugging the little trophy orphans around, wishing he could wake up from the nightmare.

    I really don’t care how many children you adopt or how much good will you pretend to spread…she is still the publicity whore who wore her husband’s blood in a vile around her neck, sucked face with her brother, had “Billy Bod” tattooed on her arm, and got pregnant by the married man whom she was fucking. In Angelina’s defense…at least you won’t ever read “Pregnant Angelina steps on hypodermic needle while walking barefoot into 7Eleven.”

  40. magickal

    Uh…typo…Billy Bob not ‘Bod’ duh!

  41. Pez_D_Spencer

    If Billy Idol and Ryan Seacrest had a kid – wouldn’t it look a lot like Brad Pitt looks in that picture?

  42. ir0ny!

    is that a sign – Brad’s hair is back to blonde? not that jet black “I’m with Angelina” fake color?

  43. totsie

    #36…she’s not, you’re right…she’s not as cute as maddox…altho let’s face it, how cute is a 4 year old with a mohawk? we’re talking pretty low on the cute-o-meter here. is she going to let brad pitt’s baby grow a rat tail? oh no, wait, that’ll be britney’s kid…two years old with a 6″ rat tail down his back. how trashy-80s-throw-back can you get??? of course, in this instance we’re talking about a woman who used to wear a vial of blood around her neck. i hear Queen Elizabeth does that too…

  44. Dee

    how long do you guys give this marriage? a year? how long was she married to that billy bob guy?

  45. Don'tPanic

    “Immediately following the wedding, the couple is expected to travel to Russia, where orphans are on sale 2 for 1 this weekend only”.

    GOOD STUFF! I laughed so hard at this post.

    #44- Hilarious. Sean P. will have a world-record-breaking rat tail.

  46. cat

    i heard there really is a diary and it confesses that angelina is really a fem-bot who hypnotized brad with her jumblies.

  47. Moksha

    I was entertained until I got to the part ‘orphans are on sale 2 for 1′. Brad and Angelina are fair game but please leave the children out of it? Orphan jokes aren’t funny.

  48. tis GLAM

    “the couple is expected to travel to Russia, where orphans are on sale 2 for 1 this weekend only. ”



    god i hate that Brad Pitt…freakin prick.

    am i the only one who believes Angelina Jolie’sonyl marrying him because she’s preggers with him? i bet if it wasnt for that she wouldve dumped that puppet.

  49. Stephani Hagood

    I’m honestly surprised anyone cares about these two anymore to be honest.

    My only interest in the pairing was caused by the denials that anything was going on between them. Well, when you’re walking around pregnant, and still with the guy in tow, you can pretty much assume he’s the daddy. Did anyone notice how news of them tapered off after the pregnancy confirmation? Now it’s just one more thing to get their names in the news. They’re together – do we really give a fuck if they’re getting married at this point?

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