Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie piss off terrorists

November 3rd, 2006 // 72 Comments

According to sources from the Intelligence Bureau, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been given Y category security (11 personnel) while shooting A Mighty Heart in New Delhi because of threats to their lives from al-Qaeda.

Maybe I’ve been away from the terrorist scene for too long, but this is just sad. When al-Qaeda gets together at the annual convention of evil doers everybody’s just gonna make fun of them. All the other bad guys will be like “We set up a plan to destroy the world by drilling to the Earth’s core” and then these al-Qaeda clowns will be like “Oh yeah? Well we tried to kill Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.” And then everybody will stare at them blankly until they all burst out in laughter and take turns giving them wedgies.


  1. commissioner

    jrz- easy now. not all politicians are bad.

  2. She they be plotting the overthrow of some government somewhere?

  3. PrettyBaby

    I must also say that we need to somehow leak it to Al Qaida that our favorite star ever is Tom Cruise!! Forget our beloved Brangelina, it’s Tom Cruise and if something bad were to happen to him and Katie, the US would Fall!!

  4. commissioner

    Just read that Kanye story. Justin Timberlake was actually witty. “I’ve got sexy covered, he’s covered crazy”. Or something like that. Tee, hee. Though it doesn’t matter how funny JT is, I still wouldn’t want my kid to grow up to be like his faggoty ass.

  5. Italian Stallion

    @45 Stallion doesn’t go to the movies on a Friday night, Stallion’s got a date with a bottle of Jergens and a picture of Condelezza Rice………..

  6. jrzmommy

    55–and mommy’s got a date with her wastepaper basket under her desk right now…..scusi…..

  7. RichPort

    #55 – Weird, I was planning on going to the local adult movie theater with a bottle of Jergens and a water gun…

  8. commissioner


    I’m heading next door to salsa dance with the painters who have provided me noxious fumes all morning.

    *screams something unintelligble in Spanish*

  9. HughJorganthethird

    I’m guessing people magazine is going to pay Executive Outcomes(look it up) about a billion dollars to make sure this never, ever happens.

  10. jrzmommy

    Hey Commish: When are you going to have The Commissioner’s First Annual Guats and Brats Festival? I think Guatemalen food and Bratwurst would be a great combo.

  11. PrettyBaby

    #39 Funny shit!! (literally)

  12. And this is what our world has come to…

  13. Ooh wow. Celebs and terrorists, all in the same story. Amazing.

    btw, I’m not sure who you are Brain Embolism, but you and your Girl on Girl Friday posts are great!

  14. commissioner

    jrz- Good question. Hmmm. I’ll call it the First Annual Brat Guat Fest. How about right after Tet?

  15. jrzmommy

    Commish: Tet works for me!

  16. al-Qaeda is an attention whore.

    And beat off to pictures of Angelina Jolie in their parents basement.



  17. Jolie & Pitt need to get into their Mr. & Mrs. Smith outfits and give the terrorists wedgies.

  18. Cherokee Chocolate

    Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2! Hilarious, but seriously these terriosts have nothing better on the agenda. You know President Bush is still alive and kicking, why not take that psycho out? No, these idiots want to kill two celebs shacked up in India making a movie.

  19. Carsten5577

    Terrorists should really do the world a favour and take out both of these self-absorbed.

  20. llwink

    I so wish thhat Tom Cruise and Paris Hilton were in the flick too

  21. yeah, that’s pretty far down most terrorist’s list

  22. I understand the intent is to help people…But as one who actually works on the frontlines in a dangerous and impoverished area…with destitute people…I can say with absolute certainty that Angie is right…handouts dont work… The country I am in has been motivationaly gutted from american handouts…My biggest challenge is to train these people to believe that they dont need american handouts to prosper…slowly we are making progress and they are making their own living standards improve…I salute the girl (Angie) who puts her own efforts and moneys into the worthy causes she believes in…instead of government confiscated wealth…

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