Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie piss off terrorists

November 3rd, 2006 // 72 Comments
jolie-pitt-threaten.jpg

According to sources from the Intelligence Bureau, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been given Y category security (11 personnel) while shooting A Mighty Heart in New Delhi because of threats to their lives from al-Qaeda.

Maybe I’ve been away from the terrorist scene for too long, but this is just sad. When al-Qaeda gets together at the annual convention of evil doers everybody’s just gonna make fun of them. All the other bad guys will be like “We set up a plan to destroy the world by drilling to the Earth’s core” and then these al-Qaeda clowns will be like “Oh yeah? Well we tried to kill Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.” And then everybody will stare at them blankly until they all burst out in laughter and take turns giving them wedgies.

superficial

  1. BigJim

    What else is new? They piss off everyone.

  2. serial snarkalec

    Fust! Don’t worry her lips will deflect any explosive tossed.

  3. serial snarkalec

    Fust-ish anyway.

  4. Second!
    So, what were the terrorists pissed about this time?

  5. GirlyGirl

    Damn, I was fifth. Not that there’s anything WRONG with that…

  6. DancingQueen

    Don’t they have more important people to blow up than these assholes.

  7. PapaHotNuts

    Maddox is a ninja.

  8. CoolKidWannaBe

    Hey all…first time poster, long time reader.
    I figure they are going after these idiots because angie’s lips are a prime target. she probably stores oil in there.

    wow, for my first post, that was lame.

  9. Why don’t they just leave?

    Come one come all to
    CooterPunch.com for
    Girl on Girl Friday.

    http://cooterpunch.blogspot.com/

    It’s a must see!!!

    Beatcha Ferret.

  10. slantingthroughdarkness

    Maddox is the reincarnation of Pol Pot.

    Jolie will have to train her army of adopted babies to protect her.

    http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com

  11. pumpkinpye

    They’re just pissed because Brangelina will try and adopt some of their children too.

  12. @9 CoolKidWannaBe – You’re correct, it was lame.

    Come on over to Yeeeah.com. You can be as lame as you want. No registration required.

    http://yeeeah.com/blog/

  13. HaYtersLuvDanielle

    they’re always causing trouble.

  14. CoolKidWannaBe

    Yeah, you win some you lose some.

  15. PapaHotNuts

    Maddox is a gold-glove terrorist killer.

  16. RichPort

    I’d like to terrorize Ms. Jolie with my johnson. Even post-partum, I’d hit that like a hippie on LSD. Funk that.

  17. jrzmommy

    I thought when I saw Jennifer Aniston in a burka the other day it was just her Halloween costume……heh, who knew?

  18. Peter Brady

    Unfortunately, I saw Mr and Mrs Smith and I think these two could take Al Qaeda. While their at it maybe they can take care of Al Sharpton also………..

  19. RichPort

    Al Sharpton’s hair can deflect bullets and good taste. They’ll have to aim for his crotch.

  20. @16 PapaHotNuts – You’ve posted twice bad mouthing baby Maddox. You got something against baby Maddox? He’s just a kid.
    Pick on someone who can defend their self… like jrzmommy. :)

  21. PapaHotNuts

    I think if Daniel Pearl would have known that Angelina Jolie was going to play the part of his wife in a movie, he probably would have thought twice about letting the terrorists chop his head off. Cause that’s some shit you want to stick around for.

  22. Italian Stallion

    Maybe we can just send the rest of the Yankees in little planes with bombs, that should take care of them sand niggers………

  23. jrzmommy

    Brain: Nah, I’m too busy posting comments, apparently, to defend myself, pick on my kids…they’re tough, they can deal, and I don’t care about their welfare anyhow. I don’t even know where they are!! :)

  24. BigJim

    In regards to an earlier thread about Ivanka and Topher, check this out:

    http://entertainment.msn.com/tv/hotgossip/11-01-06_3?GT1=7703

    All I can say about that picture of Topher is, I would never let someone who looks like that babysit my kids.

    He looks like the kind of guy who hangs around playgrounds with a newspaper in his lap.

  25. PapaHotNuts

    Stallion- you’re idea would be great, but the Yankees would dominate the terrorists for the majority of the war, and right before the war was won, the Yankess would choke and the terrorists would in 5 games.

  26. sirap

    Dear al-Qaeda, Please don’t hurt Brad and Angelina, that would make me very sad.

    Altough it may want to yell out Allāhu Akbar and turn Muslim.

  27. el_princess

    @17 I’m jealous…but I have no idea why..

  28. ImmaAssClown

    Gee, it must be tough being completely delusional ego-maniacal rich movie stars.
    movie stars. not politicians or even psuedo-intellectual commentators or reporters.
    movie stars.
    get over yourselves…

    when did these two fucktards saint themselves? Last I checked they were still adulterers who get paid to look good.
    *sheesh*

  29. natariix

    terrorists won’t stop them.
    don’t you see? they’re adopting a small army!!!

  30. jrzmommy

    Brad looks a little on the mortified side by Angie screaming at the poor Indian golf cart driver. What could she be saying?

    “It smells like a fucking New York City cab in here and it’s making my little boy sick. Open some win….oh….”

  31. Italian Stallion

    We could always clone Scott Peterson and send a bunch of them over there. Maybe that wouldn’t work, there’s more sand then water and they would all be standing around wondering where to put the bodies………..

  32. RichPort

    #23 – Now that you mention it, shouldn’t it have been Hideki Matsui in that plane? I mean, I thought only the Japanese were kamikaze pilots… there’s nothing I hate more than copycats… Damn you and your lack of originality Corey!!!

  33. jrzmommy

    29–Please don’t ever confuse politicians with anything to be respected or with anything even resembling intellectual.

  34. BarbadoSlim

    Pffffffffffft

    faggots, any self respecting terrorist would’ve wasted these two already.

    MAKE IT HAPPEN!!

    chop! chop!

  35. ImmaAssClown

    34- I’m not. trust me. but they are likely targets of Islamic terrorists. not these two babbling fools.
    and I said “psuedo-intellectual”

  36. BigJim

    I’m bored at work already and just surfing for stuff. All I can say about this loser is, “Waaa! Boo fucking hoo!”

    http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/03/mtvawards.kanye.ap/index.html

    What a tool.

  37. Ed Bambrick

    LOL! (The regulars here are on FIRE today!) :)

    P.S.- My wife Edna loves the cock.

  38. Italian Stallion

    Angelina: Have you ever heard of deodorant?

    Cab Driver: What is this deodorant you speak of? I want to take photograph of you making toilet.

  39. PapaHotNuts

    If you shoot Angelina in the ass, you will probably hit Brad Pitt in the back of the head.

  40. Italian Stallion

    British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen entertained the audience with his English-mangling character Borat Sagdiyev, a Kazakh TV journalist, and poked fun at Madonna who is trying to adopt an African child.

    “My only concern is that this singing transvestite will not be such a good father,” Borat said in a mock video link from Kazakhstan.

    What a funny mother-fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!

  41. no one you know

    Way to kick the American public where it counts, terrorists. When you’re finished with that, could you hit up beloved American icon Tom Cruise and watch our society crumble without the warm embrace of our favorite kid collectors and proselytizer? Thanks.

  42. ponk

    #37 BigJim, i read about that this morning. “I paid $1 million…It had Pamela Anderson in it”. Oh excuse me Kayne, by all means you DO deserve the award…for lamest assmonkey sore loser.

  43. RichPort

    #37 – HA!!! He’s an arrogant fuck. He lost to some guys no one ever heard of for a video that cost less than my home movies. Of course, I hire extras and bikini chicks for my home videos, but that’s just me.

  44. jrzmommy

    Stallion–opening night tonight–are you going?

  45. Joshingya31

    #26 That is fucking hysterical!!! I told it to one of the yankee fans at work and even he laughed.

  46. Joshingya31

    Oh wait I forgot to post my real comment. So I take it al-Qaeda is for “Team Aniston.”

  47. jrzmommy

    Do you think the alQaeda douches think Mr. and Mrs. Smith is real?

    Osama: “We must purge the world of the infidel Mr and Mrs Smith — the imperial American pig-dog CIA operatives.”

  48. PrettyBaby

    There are inumerable ways to spin this story, here is my fav:

    Brad is setting up an elaborate plot so that Angelina will die tragically by “Al Qaida” (The Usual Suspect). And then, you will see him mysteriously turn up in all the tabloids with a new dark haired siren named PrettyBaby. She will take over as Maddox (who is the coolest kid), Zahara and Shiloh’s mommy. I like it….

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